Another letter to Jane
You can read this post as it is, but if you want a clearer picture of this, you might want to read this first:
“Yesterday afternoon, I went to meet a friend.
We spoke about wishes, desire in general.
That is rather curious – like you, he expressed the same metaphor about the bar of soap. You can´t hold to it too strong, as it slips out of the hand; but if you stretch your palm and let the hand being relaxed, there is a chance one can seize the moment…
It is rather awkward to find words for what I try to say. The nearest I can come with, is that “now” is intertwined with different “nows” from “the future”, that somehow, different “nows” can be condensed into a simultaneous “now-experience” embracing both time and timelessness.
It is something like a film director watching every single shot, but having at the same time the whole clear picture going through every detail.
I will use again another music analogy – if a play a suite by Bach, every tone has to bear the whole piece, as if the whole piece was condensed in a single second. A tone is Now, but the whole piece becomes some kind of “enhanced now”. It feels that a 15 minutes long composition is contained in a single “now-breath”.
This is a very pragmatic and very fascinating inner process, if I sound like speculating is because I am short of words…
It happens to me quite often that I want something and before I think it, it happens. I could give innumerable examples of this. It´s like I got what I wanted, but I “was not responsible” for my actions, as I didn´t understand what I did.
I don´t know exactly what buttons I push in those moments, but there is some kind of “magic” mechanism, having to do with this “enhanced perception” of now…
It is a similar state like dreaming – when I am in that “magic now” I have the tools to direct and embody energies to get a PRECISE outcome, exactly like a writer or film director does.
It sounds like a terrible hubris, but in the same manner a film director plans his movie, one could deliberately create astounding things in real life.
What I kind of “know”, is that this “enhanced Now” is a powerful tool for deliberate creation.
We can create at will. I am aware that this may sound so unfounded and irrational, and although it seems like a simple delusion, it is a very powerful and fruitful process to unfold.
I would be very grateful for some feed back on this.”