2013/05/20 Leave a comment
Life is unfathomable Essence.
It is unfathomable since it baffles all attributes,
all categories, all our attempts to subsume it.
Life exists and simultaneously, doesn´t exist.
It is beyond name, it lends itself to no interpretation,
it shuns all predetermined patterns, it´s everywhere
Life is the end of no beginning.
Nothing to hold to.
Nothing to aspire to.
Nothing to argue about.
Recognition without recognizing.
The Essence of no essence…
…you feel homesick
for a place that doesn’t even exist
…a misplaced memory
a phantom or a wisp now gone
It’s like an unfinished sentence
all meaning lost in missing words”
- Vanessa Mathews
Here is the whole beautiful poem:
“I believe. In love. In Faith. In Passion. In Hope. In Miracles. In Coffee. In Wanderlust. The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to read, mad to be saved, mad to write, mad to travel, mad to explore, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles.”
2013/05/17 1 Comment
I am very intimate with loneliness. It drains the life out of a person, destroys their self-esteem and confidence. At this point in my life, I feel close to no one. There is nobody I can be myself with. In fact I’m not really sure what “myself” is like anymore. I wear so many masks for so many different people, my true self has been lost in the layers.
You are right in thinking that a lot of times people are scared, but you know what I think?
It is not fear of what you are going through rather a fear of having to do something about it, being involved, that stops them from connecting. You know how I know that someone is not really interested in befriending me? Usually they repeat something to me as if it’s the first time they’ve told me. So I know for sure that they forgot our conversations since it was not important enough to them to remember. Does that make sense?
Of course it makes sense – I recognize so well what you say…
The thing is that most people usually lie about everything in their lives. Lying is about deluding oneself eventually… – constantly avoiding to directly experience reality.
Of course you cannot be yourself, because there is hardly anyone to see for real who you
are, to vividly accept and appreciate you FOR WHAT YOU ARE. How could they ever acknowledge you, when they live in constant mendacity as to Who They Are, never
being themselves, ever fleeing themselves?…
You wear these masks because you feel instinctively you cannot behave freely with those persons around you, and as they don´t see you, you don´t trust them…You seem to be a sensitive soul, but it´s about time TO TRUST AND APPROVE OF YOURSELF. To become strong in your sensitivity.
I´ve realized lately how terribly lonely I was. I had to accept this fierce reality that I was really on my own. As nobody would heed me, – my self-confidence and esteem being so low -,
I finally understood that I have to start befriending myself: to throw away all masks, to embrace my solitude, to love and heed and approve of myself despite all pain, sorrows
and shortcomings, to see and give myself WHAT I NEED.
It´s all about this ongoing process, the most important step:
To dare listen to the child within. To start again, to let illusion die, and allow
the Real You recreate and reconstellate you.
Finally, I think also that what stops people from connecting, is their own fear to look within, the fear of delving into their own inner process. They are afraid of and avoid their own suffering, which they otherwise so well hide…
2013/05/17 Leave a comment