I have a friend. Her name is Lili. She is not the most beautiful or most unattractive woman around. In fact she is fairly good-looking. Tall, gentle, elegant, she kind of stands out. She is well-educated, you can always have a sensible discussion with her. You can feel though that she has some kind of emotional issues. You can almost sense her sadness. Perhaps, due to emotional uncertainty, she can be at times rigid, not cold, but somehow rather distant.
Being a teacher, she is well read. She is up to date in psychology, she is acquainted with books about personal growth – kind of stuff.
Her 73 years old mother, is a lady of the old. Rather harsh, she is the kind of opinionated person, friendly but rather bigoted, she knows nothing about books or “self-realization”.
She finds intellectual pursuit superfluous, a total waste of time.
Anyway, to come to the point of my story, the husband of the “iron lady” died some three years ago. They had been married for thirty or forty years maybe.
Two months after the funeral, still in the period of “grieving”, she told Lili that she is not going to accept being by her own, that she wants to meet another man. Believe or not, one month later she had met mr. Paul, – a widower around her age. This man appears to be a reliable, practical man – EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID SHE NEEDED – and they still are together enjoying each others company.
Now, this happens in Romania where the mentality is very restricting and obtuse when it comes to elderly widows finding another partner. How they could meet, God knows… – like many other elderly people in Romania this woman doesn´t attend to any social activities, she doesn´t have a circle of friends, she is either home or going to the market.
Lili, on the other hand, has had one bad relation after another. After her divorce from a total irresponsible dork, for the last ten years she hasn´t been able to find a decent man. She bumps into all kind of weirdos, uninteresting men of no integrity who use and take advantage of her. Despite her reading all these Books of Attraction and “self-realization” stuff, her emotional life is a flop after another.
She claims that her most ardent wish is – of course – to find a man for a meaningful relation. The fact is that the more she tries the worse it gets, and she becomes gradually more and more unhappy and frustrated.
To make a parallel with a male friend of mine, again, this man is sensitive – maybe too sensitive – honorable, very special, but since his divorce 8 years ago, although he expresses a clear wish for a relation, he is still by himself becoming more and more restless and puzzled.
My question is:
How is it possible that these two persons – Lili and my male friend – despite being two nice and special people don´t ever seem to find a suitable partner, whereas Lili´s mother - a simple, uneducated, not particularly charming, rather uncouth person – decides to have a man, and finds him…?
What is the mechanism behind this?
It seems to me that everything in this life is about Clear Intention. Deliberateness. Again, Lili´s mother asserted clearly that she wanted a man and she got him. Whereas Lili and my friend state clearly that they want badly a partner, but never find one.
WHY DON´T THEY FIND SOMEONE? Now comes the most uncommon answer:
BECAUSE DEEP DOWN IN THEIR SOUL THEY DON´T WANT A RELATION. It is obvious – their subconscious opposes flagrantly their wish.
Can it be so that behind their “struggling” after a relation, is in fact another obscure reason which they don´t manage to see or verbalize…? Can it be so that both of them somehow hide and don´t have the right relation with themsleves…and cannot admit this…?
It happens also to me to want badly one thing, to realize that it was not that particular thing I yearned for, but something else!!…But to discern the real motive behind, takes an incredible strength and ability to scrutinize yourself. The ego refuses to examine himself, and the more book knowledge you have, the more cunning the ego becomes, sabotaging you constantly till you are ready to really look within.
To “know” something is hell many times. Many intellectuals´ life is a total fiasco. Sometimes – like the elderly lady – it is better to be less “emancipated”, with other words “single-minded” but deliberately aware of your ardent wishes.
Widely speaking, what do you think: WHY CERTAIN PEOPLE ATTRACT WHAT THEY WISH AND OTHERS DON´T?
PS Guess who just phoned me just one minute right after ending this post? Lili, of course. We haven´t talked in almost two months. If this is not telepathy I don´t know what is…