A sad episode

There was such a great promising morning today.

After so many years of tribulation, confusion and misunderstanding, I felt that I managed to come to a point of inner focus and balance, which constellates obvious and rich manifestations around me.

At 11 am I had an appointment with R. Despite the fact that she is very good-looking, she is above all, a very interesting girl, endowed with spiritual and emotional qualities, you hardly encounter these days. You can really talk to her about essential matters.

I was quite into my writing on my blog, and I was running late to our encounter. When I left home, I realized I had forgotten my fountain pen. I simply can´t leave anywhere without it, as my pen is my sword.

Returning home, I just couldn´t find it. It was on the floor in the hallway. IT FELT AS IF THE PEN DIDN´T WANT TO BE TAKEN OUT…Strange but true…
I had also an inexplicable premonition, I didn´t feel like going away either, but I had promised…
Besides, I was late, – something which never happens as I am very punctual –  and there was also a sign I did ignore…

I was feeling great nevertheless…But as I said, at the same time, I had this strange feeling of doubt going away to meet R. I called on her mobile to tell her I was late, but she didn´t answer…Also disconcerting…

I got finally at the café, there she was waiting for me reading Rumi.

It was such a gorgeous weather. We sat outside. We were glad to see each other, but there was again this odd sensation of dissonance I couldn´t ignore…She showed the poem she was reading, and at some point, she read “devastating incident”…And I had AGAIN, a bad gut feeling similar to what I had felt at home…

It is strange, because it was THE FIRST TIME afer so many years in Sweden that I could have such a pertinent and seemingly interesting partner of discussion. Very unusual that a good-looking young girl has that depth and inner beauty.

Still, there was something ominous in the air that didn´t give me peace.

“You know what” I said to her not quite understanding why I say that, “I am kind of afraid of you…”I can understand that”, she said, “you are maybe afraid of my repressed feelings…many times I end up creating chaos around me, because I am afraid of myself”…

Again, I had that uneasy feeling, reminding the poem of Rumi…It was something which pressed me to leave…But I had no rational accountable reason for that…

Anyway, in the last 15 minutes of our encounter, we had a very meaningful vivid dialogue about Fear, Human Destiny, Art… It felt ok.

We were about to live…As I got up, I couldn´t see my bag. I had put it beside me, between my chair and the delimiting fence of the terrace. Although the fence was two feet high, the bag had vanished…

I was in shock. This café is not more than five square meters. It was a fact: MY BAG WAS STOLEN…

How it got stolen is a mystery…I don´t have a clue – I was there, nobody could ever come between me and the fence and behind me there were some nice people. Nobody saw anything…
I had the eery feeling as if the bag was dematerialized…

In that  moment I understood the ominous uneasiness I had the whole morning… That was the thing my gut feeling was warning me about…

Now – the worst thing with this is, that inside the bag, I had my beautiful and expensive fountain pen, and my notebook…I was devasted…It was a nightmare, an unreal state of utter despondency and sorrow…

I then understood why the pen didn´t “want” to be taken, the reason of my discomfort leaving home, the word “devastating incident” in Rumi´s poem, and my unease with R. All these signs were warning me…

Apart from my notebook and pen, inside the bag were no real valuable items. There were my gym clothes, two books, keys, my visit cards… I ran home like a mad man taking the keys from my girlfriend, having a blacksmith changing the door lock…Such a pain in the neck…

A terrible blow really…I don´t care for material things, other than my pens…And this Parker pen was my favourite.

As much as the actual loss, I am afraid of the metaphorical, symbolic significance of the whole thing…It felt as if the unseen forces punish me for being happy…- and they attack me in the most insidious manner: taking away what I love most…- my pen and my book…

REALLY,  I NEED YOUR FEED BACK ON THIS !

What do you think? Is life a battle between forces…? Do we have to pay for moments of joy and happiness…? Do we have to fear punishment, when we are near a major inner break through?

And another thing…:

Can a person bring luck or bad luck…? What forces are being released in contact with another person…? How does other people´s fear affect us?

What am I to believe…? Did R. have her part in this weird ominous unfolding of events?…

I was warned…My soul was in a state of discomfort and dissonance about going out to this meeting…

The price of not listening to our intuition is really fatal…But it’s such an inhumanly difficult task to learn how to interpret it …

Your comments on this will be much appreciated.