You say: “I feel at a loss for the one most purposeful thing in life: love.”
That is actually the predicament of most people – many wouldn´t express this truth loudly not even for themselves. The loss of love is behind all human endeavours. To succeed, to have this and that, a name, money, a lover, a career, to be a respectable person, all in all, this inane chasing around, is nothing but a frenzied search for love. Of course, people are too vain and preoccupied to admit this, but if you have eyes, you can easily see this sad reality.
Drugs – for that matter, NOTHING ELSE on this plane of existence – can never ever compensate this loss we constantly perceive, that is a fact I can share with you. We try to get rid of suffering fleeing in all thinkable (or unthinkable) intelligent or stupid pursuits. Trying to escape in this or that, brings nothing more than more isolation and pain – I think you know this by now.
All words are meaningless really, except those words said in love…
I do not expect that my words will sooth your loss. But sometimes being heard, and start communicating for real, can make a huge difference.
Give yourself this new chance of accepting who and what you are, exactly the way you are, and despite of the loss and hardships, embrace and stay with what is, the way it is.
Accepting can be many things. Accepting can be the strength to forgive yourself, to dare take a different step, it can be the courage to ask for help, if the pain is too overwhelming.
You know best – just be honest with yourself and with what is…