What is ego?A new paradigm

Why do I keep writing here? God knows…

Does it make any difference? Maybe it does…may be it doesn´t. Who knows really…?

All these told or untold stories of mine – do they create some kind of echo? Do they inspire you? Do they mean something for you?

There are moments, when even uttering or writing a single word is excruciating pain.

THE INEXPRESSIBLE PAIN OF BEING DISCURSIVE, at the same time nurturing the wish to create some kind of intelligible sense…Where is to find a common denominator in these seemingly irreconcilable aspects?

Life doesn´t make sense. It doesn´t obey our logic. But in the midst of all this pervasive circus, there is a kind of secret “coherent” relation between things, between people, yes, between you and me.

Thinking in logical terms, what is the chance of you and me communicating? Almost none…And yet, despite our so different life-stories, there is something within us, some kind of secret, ineffable bond that is beyond logic, beyond – what we may call it – daily comprehension.

Life is a series of interruptions, that´s no question about that. Despite this baffling truth, we struggle to create order, purpose, continuity.


It is a hard task for me to put in words what THE SOUL WHISPERS  but my reason doesn´t fully understand.

There is no such thing as “after”. After or before what?…Is there a point of reference really? And if there is, WHAT IS IT? Where is it to be found objectively…?
The surmise of a fix point of reference is the beginning of Suffering with all its derivatives: judgement, comparison, conditioning, neuroses.

This “point of reference” is called Ego. The ego perpetuates itself through memory, through “time”, through effort,  desire and frustration.

The paradox is that this very moment is neutral. This moment doesn´t have a memory, as every moment is a new breath. The Ego refuses vehemently to know this.

Now, no relation between different aspects can exist unless there is a point of reference. Ego is exactly this: an imaginary sum of different sequences of false relations. I repeat – ego is “false relation” as there is no such thing as a fix point in real life.

If the starting point is “nonexistent”, whatever you do is false. The attributes of the ego are Desire and Illusion. These are based on Fear, nay, they are fear. Fear is the vehicle through which Ego maintains itself, clinging to a non-existent reality which tries to be real.

Now, I am aware that for those of you who never approached things from this angle, what I say here may sound like Chinese.

But those ones who have come so far, are probably ready to have read this.

To summarize: all of you know that everybody is trying hardly to be someone, to dominate the other, to arrive, to find security, to struggle desperately for identity. Everybody is in war for his limits and possessions.

Our logic is built on these millennial delusions. Inside the illusion of struggling for Being, there is no place for Love, Joy, Beauty, Meaning, Friendship or Wisdom. In this way of living there is only place for reckless competition, suffering, war and destruction.

Almost all our creations bear the legacy of this huge existential misunderstanding.

It is probably ripe time for you and me to abandon this outdated paradigm, this” daily comprehension”, to understand the structure of our limited Logic and raison d’être, confronting these timeless illusions in order to take a new step toward that secret ineffable place beyond Fear, where Love dwells.

It is about time…

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

7 Responses to What is ego?A new paradigm

  1. I’m just stopping by to let you know that I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! You can check it out on my page! 🙂

    • julienmatei says:

      It is indeed kind of you – I am pleased my words reach out to you.
      You know, if there were more women like you so outspoken and courageous to speak so openly about sex and desire, this world would be such a better place.
      Unreserved consideration for you!

      • Thank you so very much!

      • julienmatei says:

        I really wonder why many women conceal their passion and deliberately hide their huge sexual urge.
        Isn´t it crazy, as at the end of the day, we all are the result of a fuck. What do you think?

      • I think it’s partially because women are afraid of the judgement, there’s pressure put on both genders when it comes to sex and most women can’t see that. Part of my issue has been realizing that men have sexual urges they try to conceal also, some things are weird and just go against the grain. I’m finally starting to embrace the fact that I am one of the lucky few to be different, I’ve felt a lot of pressure in my lifetime to be everything a man wants. In a reality, I’ve been wasting years trying to be perfect for someone else when I can, in fact, find someone who fills my needs sexually without me having to pretend. It’s all a game of chance, but not many are willing to actually take the chance. That not only goes for women, it’s men also. I’ve met men who conceal their passions and sexual urges, you just need to find it within yourself to overcome the fear of judgement and embrace yourself as a sexual being.

  2. julienmatei says:

    Thank you for your answer!

    It appears to me that modern man´s Ego can not cope with too much passion and overwhelming desire.
    I have been pondering a lot about this and in due time I will develop this in some coming posts.

    Anyway, that´s for sure, the way we treat sexuality, the same way we treat Life.


  3. julienmatei says:

    One final thing for now – you see, the question is: who is there to judge me, other than my own fear to judge myself?

    I understand that if I supress my sexuality I couldn´t be able to create anything at all. Art is sensuality, expression is always connected with passion, yes, with sex.

    You say:

    “I think it’s partially because women are afraid of the judgement, there’s pressure put on both genders when it comes to sex and most women can’t see that.”

    Now, WHO or WHAT puts this pressure on us?

    And why…?

    What do you think?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: