Every second, a new chance…

I wrote this fellowing post in september last year. Yesterday I felt the kind of utter vulnerability, sorrow and incertitude I talk about here. Re-reading this, I kind of felt the soothing effect of these words, realizing again I had given myself answers earlier. So I find it meaningful to re-post it.

“There are moments when you feel overwhelmed . There is “too much” of anything, and yet nothing for you. Life feels like a desert. Like a continuous mirage.

Every second feels like a challenge, every thought can either be a dead-end, or something which leads forward, to – hopefully – a new stream of energy or clarity.

There are so many things we haven´t done. But reminding ourselves of all these regrets, and staying in that sorrow doesn´t help anyone.

It is painful and at the same time – for many of us – paradoxical to realize that Every Second is Empty. A new chance.

There are two options:
Either I carry on with sorrow, killing the new moment with resentment, or I take this feeling of utter vulnerability, let go of the past and start seeing myself in a new light. NOW!!…

I either drown or take a breath. And every word  I write here is a new breath…

It is an act of courage to leave the past, our security, our hardly acquired habits and sense of security…

I don´t know anything anymore, it feels incredibly lonely to write this words now, for, at the end of the day…- who am I writing for really?…But these words give me comfort somehow, this very curiosity of exploring this vulnerable NOW, and see what this moment has in store, gives me a new sense of re-orientation, indeed, of re-connecting with Life.

And as I feel this inner reassuring, I am thinking that these words may mean something to you too.”

Advertisements

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

5 Responses to Every second, a new chance…

  1. Aaron Asphar says:

    It’s a tough one but I’ve been in and out of this one personally. I say you are writing as a gift of love – and try to detach yourself totally from yr writing. You will at first feel bereft and vulnerable, just like you say, but if you can stay with it, then you will escape the attachment to being a writer – it’s what I’ve done, and to be honest it has diminished my effort and quality a little, but at the same time writing is much more satisfatory and purposeful for what I’m needing to do/live right now – so it brings a healingbetween the rift of self-work also. I’d say for most people it might innervate their writing – I’m just writing research for myself now, which is vastly more useful to me, and out of that I’ll be growing the next thing – if I was feeling a sense of responsibility or concern for my readers, I’d be calling this not autonomy but heteronomy – being governed by yourself and something abstract/extranious. Great points though, especially about the choie of whether to engage the past in the present, or to let the moment live rather than slaying it – timely for me so thank-u!

  2. julienmatei says:

    Tks a lot for your words!

    Now, let me tell you in all simplicity, that many times words have been my lifebuoy. So I couldn´t say that I am attached to them either, as they come when I least expect them, when my soul is troubled and I really need answers.

    I feel instead huge gratitude that my inner voice reveals itself sometimes through the Power of Word too, as otherwise I am a composer.

    Yes, words are soothing…They are vital for me, as they create order and meaning.

    But again, they are free, so they kind of find me, not me them…

    I just rest assured that they allow me to hear them whenever they whisper…:)

    Best thoughts

  3. livvy1234 says:

    The words you wrote have great meaning for me. I left the past, but it creeps up on me at the oddest times of the day. I was drowning and took a new breath but in order to do this I am alone. I wonder alot about this. It takes a lot of courage to the the “author and the hermit.” What I have learned about myself, by just watching, is phenomenal. What I have learned by taking a step back from the world is also phenonmenal. I am not on the outside looking in. I am on the inside and the outside looking inside and outside in amazement and still growing seeds of wisdom. I shall not falter. I have become very strong.

    ” either drown or take a breath. And every word I write here is a new breath…
    It is an act of courage to leave the past, our security, our hardly acquired habits and sense of security,

  4. julienmatei says:

    You know Jane, I remember that moment when I wrote this

    “I either drown or take a breath. And every word I write here is a new breath…” – it was literally that way…:
    it was such an excruciating pain I was experiencing, being so lonely, with no-one to reach me a hand, other than “the invisible wing” of the Whispered Word who saved me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: