The inner parasite

There is something within me which constantly steals my joy, many times making me feel down and despondent.

Thanks God, I know that this inner “blue authority” is not to be trusted and yet…it calls itself  “me”, it claims to be my only life perception, in short, this energy-stealing thief is very tiresome, as most of my moments are a gruesome “battle” to dis-identify myself from its fraudulent chatter.

It is a very wearisome process, to live in incessant vigilance, not allowing this inner counterfeit to live on my expense. I admit that many times he wins over me.

Despite years and years of sustained inner work, I can´t figure it out what this abysmal entity is. Of course I could call it Ego, this or that, but the fact of the matter is, that putting a name to it doesn´t help me to come to grips with its real nature.

What is this parasite at the end of the day, what is its hidden agenda…? It is quite evident that its food is my distress.

More often than not, it manages to undermine my endeavours, sabotaging me in the most inexplicable ways. Despite my strength, competence, willpower and perspicacity, it outwits me with its cunning dire means.

It has enormous potential at its disposal, really, I witness dumbfounded that despite my persistent efforts, this invisible reality – like a film director – is controlling many times the course of my life, AND I DON´T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT!!!

The big problem is that this state of things is not only “my business and my particular karma”, this hidden reality is also your reality, It is ruling the world, it is behind all conflicts, all trouble and affliction, all destruction and mischance we all go through.

This wicked “world ego” is the sum of our timeless fears, frustrations, guilt, infelicity and misfortunes we refuse to look at.


THIS COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS DOESN´T ALLOW ME OR YOU TO GROW, THRIVE AND SUCCEED, NO MATTER OF THE PERTINENCE OF OUR INDIVIDUAL ENDEAVOURS, cause its program is to prevent and discourage whatever great expression in science, art or whatever other field. As long as the ZEITGEIST is the way it is, there are no winners and losers, but only losers.


Do we have the guts to assume this insidious reality and counteract it through our readiness of wise verbalizing and sensible dialogue? I tell you again, this is not the work of some “forlorn” individuals, this is the “battlefield” of our everyday life.

I am grateful about your “likes”. But please take some time and reciprocate my writing here, because WHAT I WRITE HERE, IS ABOUT YOU, ABOUT US.


About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

3 Responses to The inner parasite

  1. livvy1234 says:

    Have you taken the time to go on a 10 meditation retreat? Complete quiet with a zen teacher and other meditators. You will find it very useful. The incessant chattering of the mind….it will eventually stop. You will experience many emotional highs and lows in the retreat, but will come out with a different perspective about optimism, pessimism and the mystical.

  2. Sharmishtha says:

    this tinge of sadness lives in the heart of every romantic, creative person. just dont let it rule your world.

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