Another letter to Paul about healing depression

Paul,

The world and everything around you has savagely and relentlessly forced you into the erroneous picture of you being nothing more than shards.
On a real deeper level though, you are whole, complete, ONE…It is maybe a cynical thing to say, given your present situation, as you don´t have a direct experience of this immediate reality..not yet 🙂
So you have to trust me on that. 🙂 I wouldn´t dream of uttering this truth, unless I knew it for sure.

On this level where you are now, depression is undoubtedly real…For sure, depression sucks insanely, debilitating and consuming our life force…I share your feelings, and I know from own experience that sometimes you feel like putting a vehement stop to it all…

You say:

“My existence is the only “thing” that is truly mine” – without indulging in superfluous semantics, think it over: is existence mine or yours?…Stay with this thought a while…because this very misunderstanding has generated the basic incorrect picture we hold about reality.

I mentioned this earlier: do you exist or existence lives you?…If you come to an immediate understanding of the latter, you will gradually learn to let go…Indeed, to trust…

I am going into a hard one now, which seems incredibly far-fetched – in a weird way yes, we create even our physical experience, as we participate in the whole Cosmic Drama. We won´t dwell on this now though. The truth of the matter is that you have created yourself in all your aspects.

This “YOU” is where society and you as an entity meet. Paul-society and society-Paul 🙂

Depression is ultimately loss of Self…so society is thus a sum of people who are out of touch with Self…As I see, you have to learn somehow to express your loss…your depression. You´ll just recognize the proper moment if you learn to listen…Listening, will reveal what is the appropriate way for you…You are the only one to find out.
Thinking doesn´t help, trust me on that…

Part of the whole present Drama is that humans no longer have A RIGHT RELATION TO PRESENT ANYMORE…In a sort of funny way – I never put it like this – depression is absence…absence of life!! So stop trying “understanding” the present!!…- LIVE THE PRESENT THE WAY IT IS…easy to say, when the present is hell…But it is what it is – you have no other choice…

I said this and I say it again: depression is basically un-lived life!

Now, if you trust me, give up for a while this kind of fruitless speculations like ” I might be in more “trouble” if I was “happy-happy” all the time when such atrocities occur daily.”

To continue:

You ask -“Is it possible for one to be truly happy amidst all the death and destruction?”

Yes my friend IT IS POSSIBLE AND DOABLE 🙂 You might not understand my words now – but when “you will come to the point” of being ONE, – or to formulate better, when you will allow ONE to live you – you will be joyous NO MATTER WHAT. If you don´t trust me, leave this for now.

Look what you say : “… collectively and individually, I would say we ought to be at least somewhat depressed”…Aren´t we already that? Aren´t you sufficiently depressed already?

Leave aside thinking and speculating, just know: happiness is sustainable in this day and age despite all howling chaos.

Your following question is the most essential:

“What is the medication supposed to heal? What are its implications?”
You see YOU ARE THE PROBLEM AS MUCH AS THE WORLD IS THE PROBLEM. You are this world and this very age…You cannot dissociate it one from the other.
It ´s a hard one: it ´s not you or the world having the problem, it is the “wrong participation” between you and the world, which is the problem…It is Thinking which has cut us off from Feeling life´s immediate presence here and now…it sounds reductionistic, but that´s the truth…

The world is entirely a sum of different aspects of yourself! Don´t try to understand, feel instead my words!
Most of the doctors and psychiatrists are in deep problems themselves, so how can a sick person treat another one…? So here is a blatant truth: not knowing a better way, they have invented medication 😀
The medical system is bankrupt, as society for the rest – they all deal at the level of effect! Every solution invented by them, creates just another problem…

Paul, understand that there is no solution to anything, other than understanding the actual problem from inside, that is, from where you presently are… The solution is inherent in the very problem!! STAY WITH THE PROBLEM! Don´t think, cause thinking is resisting the problem, trying to get rid of it!!

You say it yourself:

“There is no doubt in my mind that until I am off the pills, and able to get “into” my Self then no meaningful or lasting healing will occur.”

Furthermore you say:

“All I know is that I am about to acquaint myself to my Self very soon”. WHAT ABOUT STARTING NOW…?It is nothing to wait, as you are here all the time you see, but this mad age has taught you that we are here sort of “later”…:)) This is really insanity in a nutshell…Procrastination…Not daring facing life now…

This is not crazy talk at all : “I have not been “me” my entire young adult life.” you say. This is sadly enough the predicament of most of the people on this planet just now… there is no “moving forward” or “past”, there are only different parts of now my friend 🙂 and NOW IS EVERYTHING THERE IS!

You have all the answers you need:

“What then, is the purpose of medicating me while the problem persists outside of me creating a perpetual dependence on something I do not need, but rather need to do without in order to work on solving the real problems?”

You do say with your words what I have been saying in this letter 🙂

Remember, it is not about something you “need to do” but something you can unreservedly observe and dwell upon with no resistance…As a final word, when you heal – if that´s what you want, you will heal the whole age.

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

9 Responses to Another letter to Paul about healing depression

  1. phop247 says:

    Thank you for another great piece – I need time to re-read this before I can make any sort of response. I need to reflect first.

    • julienmatei says:

      Just take your time…let things settle by themselves.

      • phop247 says:

        I will, but I cannot thank you enough for your contributions through by way of writing. I enjoy all of your work!

        -Paul

      • julienmatei says:

        I am glad. Thank you for saying this, it warms the heart.

        It seems far-fetched, but when I answered to your post yesterday I kind of felt that these words of “mine” considered in the right way, can heal wholly from depression. Even me…

        That´s why I think this dialogue between you and me is very fruitful and rewarding.

      • phop247 says:

        Yes, perhaps you are right I just need more time to sort of meditate with these thoughts. Like you said, in time.

        How are you doing? Well it seems!

        Best,

        -Paul

      • julienmatei says:

        🙂 When I write and ponder about things, I feel a great sense of ease and relief…Writing makes me feel intriguingly real, alive, it soothes all torments…

        Being able to give myself answers to questions I have been considering for years, feels vitally rewarding,

        It´s been raining here all day, in between my writing it has been quite a melancholy, it´s the last day of the summer…It feels a bit sad…
        Like you – I would have loved to do many more things this summer…It all went so fast…

        How are you? What have you been up to?

      • phop247 says:

        Check my most recent post I just published. That will hopefully give you a glimpse of what is going on over my end.

        -Paul

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