Being courteous can sometimes be fatal
Some two weeks ago, I was sitting and writing at a cafe. A guy I know came to me and invited me over to his table, he was sitting together with his son.
I declined politely, I was in no particular mood for conversation being absorbed in my ideas.
So he stood by my table a little while and we changed a few words though. He told me about his son. The young man, I found out, was autistic. Very special. He could play the piano well, and had an incredible memory. It was enough for him to hear whatever tune, and he would just play it right away.
“You know”, he went on, ” he has also this amazing capacity – he feels people instantly. If he detects any negativity, he refuses to talk, he just walks away.” I admit, he sparked my interest. I was curious to see how the guy would react to my presence. As I felt how my inspiration had faded, and as they also were about to leave, I told him I could just come over to their table and greet his son.
The son was anxiously sitting waiting for his father. “This is Julien Matei, a friend of mine, he is also a pianist, I just wanted you to say hello.” Out of the blue, the young man raised brusquely from his chair, looking angry and conspicuously disturbed. His attitude was anything but equivocal:
“No, I don´t want to talk to you, go to hell, leave me alone!” he shouted.
“Yes…but Julien is a friend, he is nice…” tried the father…
“God damn it, don´t you hear, I want to go home!”
At first I was taken aback by his vehement response. It was fiercely unfriendly and
ill-mannered. But…
I LOVED IT!
Really…I had never witnessed a more atrociously true demeanor. Uncouth yes,
but unambiguously frank…Rarely did someone move me the way this autistic boy did. What a lesson of dignity and integrity…
My parents – especially my mother – brought me up to be nice and amiable with everybody. But this undifferentiated courtesy of mine has throughout my life been perversely inappropriate – a jinx really.
This inadequate politeness has been really disastrous. It has made that I allowed different bastards to use and take advantage of my friendliness and benevolence. I should have walked away instantly many times. But being taught to be courteous, I have wasted precious time with different people who just deserve a healthy, liberating and prompting FUCK OFF or GO TO HELL.
It would have been much more dignified, fair and emotionally correct.
But finally… – this autistic boy has taught me the right lesson.
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Tagged with autism, autistic boy, benevolence, detecting negativity, feeling people instantly, frankness, ill-mannered, inadequate politeness, jinx, Julien Matei, music, negativity, piano, the right lesson, true demeanor, unequivocal attitude, vehement response
About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced.
These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity...
Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give...
We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE...
THE NEW has no definition yet...
Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.
Mirrors of Encounters 
Raw truth….Nothing else like it. We must find the courage to BE who are and SAY what we mean at all times. Blessings…VK
Raw truth yes…As you say, there´s nothing else like it.
It takes really courage “to serve” the truth bluntly, but I am just learning this lesson.
Hypocritical politeness is absolutely horrendous – terrible to put up with…
Tks for your comment and best thoughts from me
Julien
He he, how could a smile that doesn’t start from the eyes be true. 🙂 Also, to be specific, most people don’t smile with their left eye (from their point of view). That is the creative part of the brain not smiling, so..only intellect falsely smiling in pretence. Those who are true smiles with their left eye. And their right. No discrepancy there…
😉 so this semicolon is a false s.o.b.
And now I see the smiley face on my android is reverse to a regular semicolon. That’s better, if not entirely good.
Ja, kära nån
Jag fattar ingenting 😦
Ok, ledsen om det var luddigt. Borde låta bli din blogg ju, glömde 😉
Du borde ingenting
Men i det fallet var det liksom utan klar kontur.
Avgränsningar får forsen att ljuda :-C
Julien det var bara ett faktiskt konstaterande som jag observerat i ett halvt år nu i alla jag mött. De som beter sig illa ler aldrig med sitt vänstra öga. Och hjärhalvornas konstitutionering är essentiell för en icke uppvaknad “individ”. Se det som substanslös kuriosa 😉
Det kan vara sant J…
Har aldrig tänkt på det…Ska ta och uppmärksamma det
Allt bra? Är du där med din lilla följesslagare? 🙂
Jo, han snusar här.
Vad fint.:)
Hmm. I don’t agree with parts of what you are saying. Being honest is one thing, being rude is another. There’s no need to be rude at all. Just shut up and leave if you don’t like the other. Being rude makes yourself suffering. Try to get your ego under control. It’s a steady effort 🙂
Thanks,
Richard
Hi Dear Richard:
Hard for Julien to shut up and leave his own blog, no?
Also, it depends on the meaning of the concept “rude”, as we all understand it is just a description of the interpretors reaction.
How could that be more important then the fact that this interpretation is conceptual and that the reaction is symptomatic to the problem.
How could the revieling of illusion or the disease, be subordinate to the rather strange idea to leave the sick person alone with this contageous and in many ways fatal illness of the mind?
Dont mean to be rude. But Its hard not to be rude if I rather be that then a liar.
I mean, I may be wrong, but If I am, I dont know it (per se), so how could I keep my mouth shut then.
In action is also an action. Sometimes even a conscious choice.
All the best / Avaloki
Dear Avaloki,
thanks for Yours!
Well, if You’re not rude (or even mean) doesn’t mean You are a liar. Speech is silver, but silence is golden. You and everybody else know by their inner own voice, if we are rude oder mean to another person. It gets rejected in that very moment when You’ve said it. How can we create harmony and amiable interpersonal associations as long as we are rude to each other? This is no question of right or wrong.
Thanks,
Richard
Hi Richard, I have read your comments here with great pleasure. They are always amongst the wisest, and very reasonable. Of course silence or a nice tone is not always a lie. Silence is always free from the lies embedded in the false consensus that words persist of. However, if using speech, then rudeness have a potential of beeing very true, free as it is from false or pretended kindness. Most meetings persist only of that. My point was, rudeness is useful and not to be looked down upon. Quite contrary. Our enemies is the ones who teach us. Not our friends. All the best. A.
Thanks! I’d like to read what Julien thinks about it. And – maybe – if he has made up his mind.
Richard
Richard
First of all – if I made up my mind in regard to what…?
I have to ponder first and get back with an answer
In regard to being rude or even mean to another person. Maybe I got You wrong?
I’m really curious about Your statement.
Thanks, my friend,
Richard
I need energy to be able to give a pertinent answer. so I´ll come back to this
Just for now Richard, read this today written dialogue.
Is it nicely and correct to lullaby people´s ego…? Is it rude to serve the truth…? Ponder…!
https://julienmatei.com/2012/11/22/there-are-many-ways-to-deception-freedom-needs-no-way-it-is-the-way/
I will answer in a comment within your post “How shall I continue with Mirrors of Encounters?”
Thanks, Richard
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