Being courteous can sometimes be fatal

Some two weeks ago, I was sitting and writing at a cafe. A guy I know came to me and invited me over to his table, he was sitting together with his son.

I declined politely, I was in no particular mood for conversation being absorbed in my ideas.

So he stood by my table a little while and we changed a few words though. He told me about his son. The young man, I found out, was autistic. Very special. He could play the piano well, and had an incredible memory. It was enough for him to hear whatever tune, and he would just play it right away.

“You know”, he went on, ” he has also this amazing capacity – he feels people instantly. If he detects any negativity, he refuses to talk, he just walks away.” I admit, he sparked my interest. I was curious to see how the guy would react to my presence. As I felt how my inspiration had faded, and as they also were about to leave, I told him I could just come over to their table and greet his son.

The son was anxiously sitting waiting for his father. “This is Julien Matei, a friend of mine, he is also a pianist, I just wanted you to say hello.” Out of the blue, the young man raised brusquely from his chair, looking angry and conspicuously disturbed. His attitude was anything but equivocal:

“No, I don´t want to talk to you, go to hell, leave me alone!” he shouted.
“Yes…but Julien is a friend, he is nice…” tried the father…
“God damn it, don´t you hear, I want to go home!”

At first I was taken aback by his vehement response. It was fiercely unfriendly and
ill-mannered. But…


Really…I had never witnessed a more atrociously true demeanor. Uncouth yes,
but unambiguously frank…Rarely did someone move me the way this autistic boy did. What a lesson of dignity and integrity…

My parents – especially my mother – brought me up to be nice and amiable with everybody. But this undifferentiated courtesy of mine has throughout my life been perversely inappropriate – a jinx really.

This inadequate politeness has been really disastrous. It has made that I allowed different bastards to use and take advantage of my friendliness and benevolence. I should have walked away instantly many times. But being taught to be courteous, I have wasted precious time with different people who just deserve a healthy, liberating and prompting FUCK OFF or GO TO HELL.

It would have been much more dignified, fair and emotionally correct.

But finally… – this autistic boy has taught me the right lesson.

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

22 Responses to Being courteous can sometimes be fatal

  1. Visionkeeper says:

    Raw truth….Nothing else like it. We must find the courage to BE who are and SAY what we mean at all times. Blessings…VK

    • julienmatei says:

      Raw truth yes…As you say, there´s nothing else like it.

      It takes really courage “to serve” the truth bluntly, but I am just learning this lesson.
      Hypocritical politeness is absolutely horrendous – terrible to put up with…

      Tks for your comment and best thoughts from me

  2. seeingwhatis says:

    He he, how could a smile that doesn’t start from the eyes be true. 🙂 Also, to be specific, most people don’t smile with their left eye (from their point of view). That is the creative part of the brain not smiling, so..only intellect falsely smiling in pretence. Those who are true smiles with their left eye. And their right. No discrepancy there…
    😉 so this semicolon is a false s.o.b.

  3. goldennuggetde says:

    Hmm. I don’t agree with parts of what you are saying. Being honest is one thing, being rude is another. There’s no need to be rude at all. Just shut up and leave if you don’t like the other. Being rude makes yourself suffering. Try to get your ego under control. It’s a steady effort 🙂



    • seeingwhatis says:

      Hi Dear Richard:
      Hard for Julien to shut up and leave his own blog, no?
      Also, it depends on the meaning of the concept “rude”, as we all understand it is just a description of the interpretors reaction.
      How could that be more important then the fact that this interpretation is conceptual and that the reaction is symptomatic to the problem.
      How could the revieling of illusion or the disease, be subordinate to the rather strange idea to leave the sick person alone with this contageous and in many ways fatal illness of the mind?
      Dont mean to be rude. But Its hard not to be rude if I rather be that then a liar.
      I mean, I may be wrong, but If I am, I dont know it (per se), so how could I keep my mouth shut then.
      In action is also an action. Sometimes even a conscious choice.
      All the best / Avaloki

      • goldennuggetde says:

        Dear Avaloki,

        thanks for Yours!

        Well, if You’re not rude (or even mean) doesn’t mean You are a liar. Speech is silver, but silence is golden. You and everybody else know by their inner own voice, if we are rude oder mean to another person. It gets rejected in that very moment when You’ve said it. How can we create harmony and amiable interpersonal associations as long as we are rude to each other? This is no question of right or wrong.



      • seeingwhatis says:

        Hi Richard, I have read your comments here with great pleasure. They are always amongst the wisest, and very reasonable. Of course silence or a nice tone is not always a lie. Silence is always free from the lies embedded in the false consensus that words persist of. However, if using speech, then rudeness have a potential of beeing very true, free as it is from false or pretended kindness. Most meetings persist only of that. My point was, rudeness is useful and not to be looked down upon. Quite contrary. Our enemies is the ones who teach us. Not our friends. All the best. A.

      • goldennuggetde says:

        Thanks! I’d like to read what Julien thinks about it. And – maybe – if he has made up his mind.


      • julienmatei says:

        First of all – if I made up my mind in regard to what…?

        I have to ponder first and get back with an answer

      • goldennuggetde says:

        In regard to being rude or even mean to another person. Maybe I got You wrong?
        I’m really curious about Your statement.

        Thanks, my friend,


      • julienmatei says:

        I need energy to be able to give a pertinent answer. so I´ll come back to this

        Just for now Richard, read this today written dialogue.
        Is it nicely and correct to lullaby people´s ego…? Is it rude to serve the truth…? Ponder…!

      • goldennuggetde says:

        I will answer in a comment within your post “How shall I continue with Mirrors of Encounters?”

        Thanks, Richard

  4. Pingback: How shall I continue with Mirrors of Encounters? « Mirrors of Encounters

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