A great disorder

I find Thomas Ross ´post incredibly moving and meaningful. Here it is:

My expectations explode against hard reality.

I end up not where I am supposed to be.

Nothing unfolds according to plan.

Just once, could things happen as they are supposed to happen?  Just one, could what I seek come my way as I imagined?

In Zen we say that all things exist in disorder but against a background of perfect harmony.  I have tried in so many ways to see and feel that harmony.  I have even pretended to grasp it.  But I don’t.  I feel no order or harmony – just swirling and cruel chaos.

Where is this harmony?  How can it be mine?

All this grief and questioning and doubt, I now understand, arise from one simple mistake.  I keep supposing that I can control what will come.  I imagine that when I do X today, then Y will happen tomorrow.  I seek to impose order upon the disorder.  And when I fail, as I must, I rage against it all.

The harmony, I know, is right there.  Waiting for me.  The key to that ecstatic existence is right here.  Simple acceptance.  Undiluted, sure, steady acceptance of all that is and all that I am.

I know these things.  And I know that I am moving closer and closer to that way of being.  Substituting that simple truth for that simple mistake.  To be purged of rage, filled with gratitude and acceptance.

My comment:
Where are we supposed to be…? WHO is supposing, and above all – WHY?…

Homer put this in a grand manner:
God has bestowed man with Reason, in order for us to understand that It is of no avail.

The Secret of Existence baffles us each step. I do wonder how others seem to get things done according to a plan. Anticipated agenda…- it never works for me. It´s almost a curse, whatever I try, fails.

To be honest, I no longer know WHAT works.

Both “harmony” and “disharmony” must go. Harmony, real unadulterated harmony is the Death of Concept, the thing we fear most…Only that Primordial Silence is The Unwavering Sound.

The impending question is: Can we ever know – that is, have any preconceived idea – what Death is?…
Or are we supposed to simply die to whatever control, expectation and “mistake” entails…?

The kind of Order we seek is neither “order” or “disorder”. It is overwhelmingly irrational.
Mazy. Intriguing. But indefectable.

Our concept of Being always loses the battle no matter how subtle its agenda is…
The hardest lesson is thus, to learn to un-be.

To know means equally to have the guts to “not know”…”Closer” is a vague denomination…There are no degrees as to “nearness” or far. Far is near, near can be far…Fear is near, fear can be far…
You know that very well by now.

Let it be a mistake. “Failing” can be the guide to the unmistakable..

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

12 Responses to A great disorder

  1. seeingwhatis says:

    The problem with the word death, is that we invented death and now believe in it.
    There is no death. And there is no life. There is not a change. There is not an important point. Should we feel sad about all the potential births that never take place?

  2. Acceptance is not enough – by itself it is tramp. We must work for what we want, and then accept the results.

    • seeingwhatis says:

      Who wants nothing?

    • seeingwhatis says:

      Who must? Why? According to who? He he

      • You know what ‘i’ mean. It wants something and we can either go for it or sit around on our butts. Sometimes sitting around on our butts is what it wants but it may dress it up as something spiritual.

      • seeingwhatis says:

        No, Cornelius.That is just prejudice talk. It isn’t always that way. You share the perspective of everyone, and obviously don’t think liberation is possible. Why?

      • seeingwhatis says:

        Also, sitting on the butt is a choise. Be free of choices, because you are free. You do things, or not. But there is no goal. What goal would that be? In who’s authority is the belief in a goal? Who made a plan?

      • I certainly do think liberation is possible. But there has been some expression of anguish on this blog. Indeed, as the Cheshire Cat pointed out, we are all mad, otherwise we wouldn’t have come here. We must all start from where we are.

      • seeingwhatis says:

        Yes, that’s right, there has been those expressions. I just accept that fact, because I don’t know if that’s part of a bigger picture. Maybe its serves as a link. Even Mr Jesus doubted for a while. And doubt is belief in concepts.
        Good for you. It’s a (the) possibility. Totally possible. Yes, we are all mad. I am less mad then most. But to the extent I exist, I am mad.

  3. Thomas Ross says:


    Yes, harmony, disharmony, order, disorder, here, there, closer, farther- all constructs that we try- and of course fail- to impose on existence. We seek in words and concepts to “capture” the essence of things- and it all falls apart- like trying to build a house from dry sand.

    I hear you, Julien, as a voice in the wilderness, a howling presence. Raging against the phony, the manipulative, the banal. Refusing to “make sense.”

    To be strong, present, open and ready, I say. And even though I know these are also just constructs, when I breathe that thought in, I feel in tune with myself. As a work of great music exists in its space, owning its space, without resistance or difficulty. For those moments, I live.

    Keep howling. We hear you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: