Bea, où es tu?

All signs persistently point to her.

I “see” her in minute detail, I know her, I breathe her name, the most peculiar omens and wonderful synchronicities tell me she is “round the corner” yet…I´ve never met her…

I asked myself million times if “She” is just a figment of my yearning, but her soothing perfume almost hauntingly keeps coming back, reminding me of her delightful presence.

Yes, as I know I exist, in the same way I know she exists.

I had a dream once, or was it of vision of what was to come…? We were just quietly sitting, looking at each other…Oh, the bliss of being with her…

Time forgot it existed…Such blessed togetherness would make my whole life up to that point worth living, no matter what had happened in it so far.

When she looked at me it was not a “romantic” look. As someone said:

It was not a look of friendship. It was a look that was somehow beyond all these, beyond all the different compartments of love we have down here on earth. It was something higher, holding all those other kinds of love within itself while at the same time being much bigger than all of them.

My enchanting vision lasted for some minutes only.

Yet, that felicitous feeling with her was the very Why of me existing. “More” or “less”
no longer held a meaning – I could have lived or died after this divine encounter…
It no longer made a difference…Or it did… – imagine a day with her, a week, or maybe…
But again…what has time to do with such inexpressible nearness…?

Why haven´t we met yet, as I felt so many times that our encounter was imminent…?

Who is she really?…
A muse, a feminine archetype, or a real human being living amongst us…?

She keeps whispering her music…

Where is she…?

Who is to tell me…?

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

16 Responses to Bea, où es tu?

  1. DivineGrace says:

    This is amazing 🙂 It resonates so much with me. Thanks for stopping by my page and sharing this … Love it 🙂

  2. Angel Heart says:

    Could she be your other half, the higher self, or maybe what you’ve awaited all your life but never knew until that particular moment (if it has occurred only once). Such encounters must be cherished, I suppose they do not come around that often. Thank you for sharing!

    • julienmatei says:

      As I wrote, I am convinced she exists, but haven´t met her yet. What I say may seem totally senseless to an average mind…

      For the record I wondered million times if I am not indulging in some kind of delusion…But everything tells me about her presence. Constantly.

      It feels like life plays sometimes some kind of weird hide-and-seek game…

      My question to you was this:

      Have you ever heard of someone who “saw” the other before the actual encounter?

  3. justme says:

    this reminds me of this song, the lyrics really resonate with what you have expressed here.

    • julienmatei says:

      “I remember
      But it hasn’t happened yet…”

      Oh, that remembrance of that something which one feels is bound
      to happen, but it hasn’t happened yet…

      Agony… -her shadow is present but she in person isn’t…

      She is recklessly near, yet far…

      Thank you for your answer. I obviously am not alone in this irrational predicament.

      Are you Swedish? Your surname is.

      Best regards,


      • SRgirl says:

        You are welcome 🙂 & yes you are not alone… There are others who feel the same way and understand where you are coming from.

        My pain is not from the lack of finding (him) but that he is temporally absent from my life. And I dont know for sure whether or not he will come back.

        I am American. & I have ancestors who came from Russia. I didn’t know it was swedish.. Interesting.

        Love & peace,


  4. TBS says:

    Speechless. =]

    • julienmatei says:

      You know, the signs are overwhelming.

      10 years ago, I was offered two apartments I could choose between.

      I took the subway and getting off, outside the station there was a kind of huge mall. When I saw the name of it I thought I was dreaming. I wasn´t. It stood there with huge red letters: BEA…

      The likeliness of such name in Sweden is null.

      You may understand there was no need for me to see the second apartment…

      I am being reminded of “her” everytime I come home.

      But this is just one of the many overwhelming signs that she is “around” but hasn´t “showed up” as yet.

      Really – this is the conundrum of “my” life…

      To be in Love with a woman I haven´t met…

      • TBS says:

        If I see her, I’ll point her your way. It wouldn’t be right for me to keep her.

        You can do the same for me. But I’m kind of like the dog chasing cars…what would he do if he caught one? =]

      • julienmatei says:

        Please, don´t keep her :))

        God, you made me laugh out loud.

        Well, if the dog caught a car, then I guess he would stop running 😛 :))…or would he pee on the wheel? =))

      • TBS says:


  5. Casey says:

    I think this is exquisite.

    The idea expressed here birthed a poem in me. Similar but very different.

    I wish I could tell you about the great love of my life. Alas, not befitting a public forum.

  6. julienmatei says:

    Reblogged this on Mirrors of Encounters and commented:

    I hear her echo…

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