Only the un-fragmented – Love – can heal us from gloom and depression

He says:
“Understanding the problem is half of the solution. Not trying to ‘overcome’ depresssion makes me feel that I am not striving towards making progress as a person. Yes I can see your point. If one is constantly striving for progress without being satisfied in the present state of self, one is always living for a future self. Since the notion progress is elusive and since there is always a possibility of further progress one will never reach at the future self one is projecting. As a consequence one will never be satisfied and hence won’t accept oneself. Let me accept my self as I am. We all are imperfect; then why are you so worried?

Me:
I will make a short detour in order to make my point, which is anything but speculation:

Are there different degrees in Love?

Is Love a matter of “more” or “less”? – Or can it be so that True Loving is an intrinsic act of totality?

What do we know about totality when our approach to Life is strictly fragmentary? We do live fragmentarily, don´t we?, our so-called awareness to everything being conditioned by the gap between different fragments, can you see that?

The gap – which is fear – is our real problem, that fragmented relation to Life is our daily bread.

Consequently, we live in  Fear, as we are always “half the way” to anything, meaning that we are never “total” in none of our undertakings.

Now, if our understanding was pervasive, there would be a total solution too.

Quite logical – half of the solution is being rendered by the half of our understanding.

If you really envisaged my point, you would grasp that what you call “striving toward progress” here, is nothing but creating a bigger and bigger gap between your different inner fragments, or conflicts.

You are thus motivated by the maintaining of the conflict – moving from fear to another fear – which gives you a sense of “progress”.

That´s unfortunately what progress means for most people – holding to and maintaining the conflict, because they imagine that the absence of conflict would make them stagnate.

You see, “let me accept myself as I am” is but a verbal subterfuge, if you choose to stick with half of the truth.

We are neither perfect nor imperfect.

We have actual reasons to worry when we live in half measures, because that will maintain the gap – our fear.

Only the un-fragmented – Love – can heal us from gloom and depression. Only the act of total understanding can save us from living in fear, conflict and despondency.

Aren´t you tired to search in vain?

Isn´t it strange?

We invariably expect others to accept and love us, yet we don´t approve of and accept ourselves. In fact, others respond to how you see yourself, yes, to what you give or not give to yourself.

How can others be generous with us, if we are stingy with ourselves?

The more we try to find ourselves through others, letting exterior circumstances define who we are, the more stressed, unfulfilled and unhappy we become.

We secretly crave for others´approval, that is why we are so
concerned and afraid about their opinion, as in fact, we are afraid
to look inside ourselves.

As long as you fail to see that your own approval of yourself is the answer to the contentment and fulfillment you obsessively seek for in others, you will be the slave of everybody´s whims and mischief.

The solution is inherent in the very problem you flee from

He wrote:
I should not run away from all the problems. I am too rough with myself many times it seems. I am overly critical and harsh with myself. I need to find out, how to learn to accept and love myself more. Writing this blog and listening wonderful suggestions from wonderful people like you definitely helps. May be I should think what else can I do about resolving this issue.

Once my girlfriend told me that “I think you like to be depressed; you don’t want to get rid of it”. Your observation reminded me of my girl-friend’s words to me. I don’t know whether it is true that I do not want to get rid of it. I believe that I do want to get rid of it. But the fact that my girlfriend, who is one of the person’s who know me very well, suggests that perhaps I am not sufficiently motivated to overcome my problem! That is scary.”

My comment:
“I need to find out, how to learn to accept and love myself more”, you say.

Please follow attentively!

The paradox here is that “HOW” basically means you are looking for a method, a way out of your inner conflict. “How” is actually postponing, an escape, a mere projection which reinforces your inner schism.

After all you say it yourself: “May be I should think what else can I do about resolving this issue.”

What you really say is: “May be I should think what else I can do in order to resist and flee myself even more…”

Cause fleeing yourself is the issue, can you see that? – That´s what makes you overly critical and harsh, the distance to yourself, the gap inside you – the conflict.

Stop seeing yourself and your depression as an “issue”. You don´t need to find out or learn anything as to how to “deal” with yourself.

If you are hungry, you eat.

In the same natural way, you stay with What Is – with yourself, the way you are now…

The Solution is inherent in the very problem!

You can take suggestions from others, yet ultimately it´s about you taking the step to unreservedly and lovingly accepting how You Are Now, and that will show you the healthy actions you need to undertake when the moment is ripe.

This is not semantics: It is a huge problem though with this word – acceptance. “I should accept myself and my problems”, you say. “Accepting” many times means creating even more resistance.

Real acceptance is about surrendering. Letting go with no thought…

Finally, wanting to “get rid of” or “overcome” a problem, that will enhance the problem. Fighting against something, brings back more evidence of that specific conflict into your life experience.

Impartially and lovingly staying with the problem as it is, will bring you understanding, and once you understand, the solution is there.

 

https://julienmatei.com/2013/08/28/running-away-from-gloomy-loneliness-enhances-your-gloom/

Life is the best director

Understanding is freedom.

“If you achieve “understanding,” what would you do with it?” she asked.

The answer is simple:

“I” wouldn´t do a thing. Once you understand, the only thing required
is being receptive.

So I would just let myself “being acted” by that inner imponderable freedom…


Life is the best director once you let it unfold.

Your only obligation to yourself is to heal

To act for real is an act of totality. Our actions being anything but total, create thus confusion, discomfort, ultimately violence.

I have been pondering a lot the last days about what entails to heal yourself. It implies that once you manage to heal, you heal everybody around you, yes, the whole world.

But to heal…oh my God… – it is really an inhumanly difficult task.

People are sick, the whole age is utterly diseased. This disease I find first of all within myself. Overwhelmingly tough: It´s a complete, seemingly impenetrable darkness.

What am I facing in the worst moments…?
What is it really we are being collectively confronted with?...
How do you treat a sickness with no diagnosis?

If it was only my life drama, ok, it would be relatively
easy to find an answer and a way out. But it´s much more complex.

Everybody is in big trouble, the whole world is in trouble, and I have been feeling this deep pain and dangerous unrest within my soul these last days.

Where do you start, how do you go about…? Who is willing to
closely consider these questions? It´s a seemingly unsolvable equation.

Practically, there is nowhere to go really. Behind the scene, nothing happens, and I really mean Nothing. No matter the success they all feign, everybody fails.
You blatantly feel that there is nothing worthwhile doing. Whatever we do is compromised…

Our prevalent models are completely obsolete. 

The only thing you´re left with is your willingness to directly face and try
to understand this real state of things – this incredible hopelessness and loneliness.

Yes, you are left by yourself with this collective hell, practically with no choice, other than delving into it.

So I delve…

There are moments when I manage to go through that hellish pain and “nothing-happens-ness” and come out in lucidity and peace.
ONLY THAT PEACE HEALS. THAT PEACE CREATES A CONTEXT OF TOTALITY.
First in that totality action becomes success and not violence. Only in that totality you are free…In that new context there is no longer “I win-you lose”, but “I win-you win”.

So your only obligation is actually to heal. Yourself, and the people whose lives
you touch.

ONLY INDIVIDUAL HEALING CREATES A NEW HEALTHY CONTEXT FOR US ALL.

If we don´t see this impending necessity, we will all remain some pitiful failures
continuing to live in insidious shadow.

How can you win when they all fail?

When you are surrounded by losers, your success is going to be another failure.

Running away from gloom and lonelyness enhances your loneliness

He says:
I am undergoing an intense feeling of loneliness. Well, I am not able to relate with people around me except a very few. I find most people boring and irritating, so I run away from everybody. I feel low and gloomy if I spend time in my room for a long time.

Yet in the effort to overcome the gloomy loneliness I search again the company of others,
just to find myself avoiding them nevertheless.

What causes my lack of interest in people?

What is the major problem here?

What is the solution?

My answer:

There is no solution to the problem of loneliness:

No matter if you are among people or by yourself in your chamber, you will feel lonely.

There is no “way out” as long as you are fighting yourself: the effort to overcome the gloomy loneliness will enhance your loneliness.

You just have to lovingly stay and confront this gloomy part of yourself. On your own.
Easier said than done…Still, if you dare do this, you might be free from depression for ever – that, of course, if this is what you wish. Fact of the matter is that many people were they given the chance to recover from an illness, they would be rather reluctant, as they have built their identity on the very disease they suffer from.

Anyway, no medication, no therapy will ever help you recover for real, but your readiness to go along in-depth with your problem. That is not to say it is an easy undertaking.

You just have to have the guts of facing that big turmoil and stop running…Be with it, as if you were with a child: no complaining, no justifying, no thwarting…Eventually there is nowhere to go…- it comes a time when your soul forces you to heed yourself.

This inner conflict of yours has nothing to do with “people”. It´s not “people” you dislike, but yourself, more exactly, that wounded level within yourself…that unloved part of you…
You see, if you were well, you wouldn´t bother so much if people are boring – which they often are – that because when you are connected to your real self, you have less a need to be with people. When you are well, you don´t have any urge to flee, in order to escape yourself, as you are at ease, and home in your own body… Again, then you wouldn´t really mind how others are or aren´t…
So, forget people, the lack of interest is for yourself, for the one you truly are…Stay with what is, even if it hurts. Learn to show yourself the interest your soul craves from you.