The solution is inherent in the very problem you flee from

He wrote:
I should not run away from all the problems. I am too rough with myself many times it seems. I am overly critical and harsh with myself. I need to find out, how to learn to accept and love myself more. Writing this blog and listening wonderful suggestions from wonderful people like you definitely helps. May be I should think what else can I do about resolving this issue.

Once my girlfriend told me that “I think you like to be depressed; you don’t want to get rid of it”. Your observation reminded me of my girl-friend’s words to me. I don’t know whether it is true that I do not want to get rid of it. I believe that I do want to get rid of it. But the fact that my girlfriend, who is one of the person’s who know me very well, suggests that perhaps I am not sufficiently motivated to overcome my problem! That is scary.”

My comment:
“I need to find out, how to learn to accept and love myself more”, you say.

Please follow attentively!

The paradox here is that “HOW” basically means you are looking for a method, a way out of your inner conflict. “How” is actually postponing, an escape, a mere projection which reinforces your inner schism.

After all you say it yourself: “May be I should think what else can I do about resolving this issue.”

What you really say is: “May be I should think what else I can do in order to resist and flee myself even more…”

Cause fleeing yourself is the issue, can you see that? – That´s what makes you overly critical and harsh, the distance to yourself, the gap inside you – the conflict.

Stop seeing yourself and your depression as an “issue”. You don´t need to find out or learn anything as to how to “deal” with yourself.

If you are hungry, you eat.

In the same natural way, you stay with What Is – with yourself, the way you are now…

The Solution is inherent in the very problem!

You can take suggestions from others, yet ultimately it´s about you taking the step to unreservedly and lovingly accepting how You Are Now, and that will show you the healthy actions you need to undertake when the moment is ripe.

This is not semantics: It is a huge problem though with this word – acceptance. “I should accept myself and my problems”, you say. “Accepting” many times means creating even more resistance.

Real acceptance is about surrendering. Letting go with no thought…

Finally, wanting to “get rid of” or “overcome” a problem, that will enhance the problem. Fighting against something, brings back more evidence of that specific conflict into your life experience.

Impartially and lovingly staying with the problem as it is, will bring you understanding, and once you understand, the solution is there.

 

https://julienmatei.com/2013/08/28/running-away-from-gloomy-loneliness-enhances-your-gloom/

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

One Response to The solution is inherent in the very problem you flee from

  1. Himani B says:

    very true, the cure lies in the pain itself 🙂

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