What´s the next step?

I started Mirrors of Encounters three years ago.

I started “blogging” out of inner necessity. Pure and simple, I write because I am simply urged to by an unknown inner authority. THINGS NEED TO BE CALLED BY THEIR REAL NAME.
And this is the main reason why I write: not so much to “make myself a name” but to reach out with things that are – at least in my opinion – fundamentally important. Truth be said,
I put my very best in all my posts, trying to be as coherent and succinct as possible.

Now, 37.000 views later, I am rather confused.

Evidently, people are interested to read my stuff – given the relatively big feed-back.
But what I receive is a whole bunch of “likes” and almost no comments.

The thing is that I kind of feel that I cannot continue with things the way they presently are.

Sincere debate can take things to another level. Although seemingly pertinent, my writing doesn´t seem to motivate and engage people to take a stand and comment.
I have the feeling that the subjects I take up are too taboo. I seem to scare people away.
Do I…?

A single individual cannot bring about a difference. That´s why many times I felt that it is pointless to go on. I will never quit writing, although I feel I many times I write in vain.
It is indeed time and “soul” consuming to write without being “endorsed” in a more “matter-of-fact” manner.

So…what´s the next step? What can I do…? Any constructive feed-back?

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

25 Responses to What´s the next step?

  1. Always be authentic and true to your self. You are an artist. Writing is your art. Most of us won’t make a name. We still must wright. I am sure your words have done much to make the world a better place.

    • julienmatei says:

      Dear IdealisticRebel,

      I am convinced that we can make a name for each one of us, if we hear and heed the other.
      We have, in fact, better put – we are already the “Name”, we simply need to back each other to let it emerge swiftly, the way it chooses to…

      I have no other choice than being WHAT I AM – against all odds.
      Being not the genuine me is really hell – I can´t put it in another way…

      It is just that at some point, as I did now, you come to a terrible impasse – having no clue how to further proceed.

      Thank you for your encouraging comment,

      Julien

  2. Antonio Dias says:

    My experience is similar. Very few comments.

    Why continue?

    The internal necessity is still there. Although harder to confuse with any other motive.

    Is that bad?

    I don’t think so.

    Witness is the other side of attention. If all we truly have to give is our attention then what it is for is to provide witness.

    As you say, things need to be called by their true names.

    Beyond that, writing – with or without the expectation of being read – is the only way I know of to contact that inner authority and bring forth what it has to offer.

    There is no “next step.” It’s so easy to get caught up in habitual expectations. There is only this step. Does it flow? Is it made with attention?

    There is no more….

    • Hmmm… Some thoughts there!!!

    • julienmatei says:

      Indeed so Antonio:

      There is no “next step” – there is no “after”…- that´s a big conundrum to plunge into and integrate. A terrible blow for the ego when considering just “this step”,

      How I pondered on this today. It is excruciatingly confusing:

      To live with no destination other than the moment, and to let the moment show the “destination” – that is, the next moment…

      They all say that Life is this very breath, but to really experience that, letting go of the time sequence…Of expectation.

      As you say, not only that it “is the only way I know of to contact that inner authority and bring forth what it has to offer”, writing is also my only tool to understand myself – others included – and what Life is about…

  3. Antonio Dias says:

    One more thing…

    In my experience those who influenced me most profoundly were not adequately acknowledged by me. At the time, in some cases never.

    Does that make them any less valuable to me as voices?

    When we are susceptible to influence we may not also be able to respond.

  4. A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.
    Lao Tzu

    The next step is to continue adding to the enlightenment of this planet. Each single person who
    holds the cosmic consciousness does so, even though it may seem like a lonely cry in a dark desert. The lights are out there, and by writing you keep your light on.

    • julienmatei says:

      Yes blueangelwolf,

      It is at times nothing but that – a lonely cry in the dark desert. You are empty-handed and at times, you do stumble getting totally lost.

      Believe me, I go through things that are unimaginable…what makes it excruciatingly difficult is that you encounter and confront so weird phenomena on your way that nobody would ever believe…

      Yes, today I got lost…I lost track of all aims…- a real crossroad…

      Thank you for this meaningful comment.

      You put it so great:

      “The lights are out there, and by writing you keep your light on”

      • I would most probably believe, having gone through the dark night of the soul myself, the worst part is over for me, but will never truely end while on this plane of existence in this physical body. But I do know it is a necessary step, one we should not want to just get rid of. We must plow our way through to reach the other side.

      • julienmatei says:

        What if it ends…? What “happens” then…?
        What happens if nothing happens?…

        Do any of us know what to be in perfect Unity is…?
        Hardly likely – we live all in disunity. In the disjunction of body versus soul, or vice versa…

        As you know I am not playing with words.

        What if there is no “physical body”?

        What if “body” is a thought…? – Thought which keeps us away from experiencing unity as a fact now?

        Does the shore have “another side”…?

        I think we can inquire into that…

      • I like the concept of there being no physical body, only an energetic ever-moving consciousness, subconscious, and unconscious,,,,,,but therein there may be “the rub”,,,,,,in other words, what if mostly the unconscious rules what we perceive as a body and the body perceives what is reality? Perhaps Jung did hit on a major thing,,,,,,that we must strive for ever increasing layers upon layers of consciousness in order to uncover what lies hidden, much like physics and space research is uncovering yet more of what is going on in both inner and outer space ……but as you say maybe all this investigation is Thought Thinking about Itself,,,,,Itself being the Unity of All. So mystics would say, but most of us want and need more concrete evidence.

        Another side? Indeed, ….. but does that imply a something Final and self-inclusive?

  5. Erik Andrulis says:
    • Erik Andrulis says:

      Whoops. The whole post deleted and then posted. aargh. Keep writing. I’ll keep reading.

      • julienmatei says:

        Erik,

        I so appreciate your words.

        So annoying that the initial comment was deleted.

      • Erik Andrulis says:

        Now that I have time to rewrite, I wrote something like this:

        I have found myself asking that question again and again. Basically, what I have come to understand is this: Just wait. Keep on doing what you’re doing, as what you’re doing is exactly what you decide to do. And whatever you decide, that’s the right decision.

        I have found that looking for validation from anyone else is an rewarding sometimes and an exercise in futility others. But I remain on my path, a recognition of being the Decider. Sorta Buddha said, I never find without that I cannot already find within. Peace, Ik

      • julienmatei says:

        Erik,

        Look.

        Is it about “me” deciding anything…? How can I be sure that whatever I decide, is not an outcome of self-delusion?…Who is this “I” taking this decision?

        Thus: who is waiting…? To wait for what?…Can I ever transpose Now, into a “different” manifestation “later”…? Can I live for and through a promise?…

        What I mean here, is that the usual me in my I-ness cannot “decide”. I have to just heed, listen and let myself being acted upon by a “higher” authority who has the right perspective – so to say.

        I think that the only thing we can do is to back each other to cleanse our vessel.

        And when the vessel is clean, the real life can flow…

        What about that…?

    • Erik Andrulis says:

      JM: “Is it about “me” deciding anything…? How can I be sure that whatever I decide, is not an outcome of self-delusion?…Who is this “I” taking this decision?”

      EA: Self is the same thing as God. That is, I, Me, Myself = God. In other words, it is about Me. It’s All about Me. It is All Me. That’s what it means for “Me” to be God. I am JM and EA at the same time, and I am the words in the questions and this response.

      Now, being God, I am the Undecided Decider. To wit, I inquire of Myself, as Myself, to Myself, “is it about “me” deciding anything…?” Hence, I decide not to decide, proving My Identity and Paradox.

      JM: Thus: who is waiting…? To wait for what?…Can I ever transpose Now, into a “different” manifestation “later”…? Can I live for and through a promise?…

      EA: I am waiting for Myself. I am always waiting, and yet I am already here. Again, the Paradox that I am, as I am Awake (I know that I’m God) and Asleep (I don’t know that I’m God) at the same time. I am the Eternal Timekeeper, and hence Now encompasses time and no-time.

      JM: What I mean here, is that the usual me in my I-ness cannot “decide”. I have to just heed, listen and let myself being acted upon by a “higher” authority who has the right perspective – so to say.

      EA: Again, note how I, Julien, am the Undecided Decider. I also am the Denying Acceptor, as I deny My Power to decide yet accept without realizing it, by deciding to posit my own view of My Power.

      JM: I think that the only thing we can do is to back each other to cleanse our vessel.

      And when the vessel is clean, the real life can flow…

      What about that…?

      I am the Vessel, I am that which goes in the Vessel. Being All in All, being All people, I choose to clean, I choose not to clean, and I don’t care whether it’s clean or not.

      The goal is to wake Myself up to the Power that I am All things, have All choice, and am All people. I may claim to be Julien Matei, and this is correct. But that claim is incomplete and unfinished, as I, Julien Matei, am the entire Universe. I am all people. I am all views. I am all creatures. All history. All music. All words. All values. All ethics. All laws.

      Any attempt to reduce Myself to simply one thing or another does not give a complete picture of what it means to be “Me.” Only, in knowing that I = God (and this only occurs from a first-person perspective), can I flow completely and as One.

      Since I asked Myself.

      Peace, Ik

      • julienmatei says:

        “Any attempt to reduce Myself to simply one thing or another does not give a complete picture of what it means to be “Me.”

        Fantastic comment… quite staggering in fact.

        Tks Erik

  6. I also experience that. Believe me, many bloggers do. But, we still blog on.
    I am not very regular because of time, but maybe it could help if you reduced your turnover rate. Some might be discouraged by the volume of posts they may have to comment on. However, the downside is you may feel you are not releasing all you feel urged to release.
    Audiences vary. Personally, I have nothing against your presentation or themes. Works well for me.

    • julienmatei says:

      Mr Poet 🙂

      It is not my aim to have “audiences”…Really. My point is to create a point together…and that seems a rather “kinky” task… 🙂

      No…but really…Living in today-society you kind of feel very often that “solidarity” is just a word in the dictionary…I can´t do this job on my own, that´s the whole idea.

      This Zeitgeist is utterly discouraging, and sometimes you kind of need ” A SAVING WORD”, to drag you out, to put you back on track…

      I don´t therefore “present”, I just heed this urging voice which more often than not, is a hell to obey and put words to…

      Who knows, you might have a point there to reduce my turnover rate…

      • A curious task indeed. Very! Especially bearing in mind that we speak widely differing languages, and if you depend to a good degree on language (blogging language) to create this single point, then you have quite a kinky task. Probably kinkier than you think.

        As follow up to the above, I meant the choice and construct of words used in a number of your posts (that I have seen anyway) seem perceivable to me. (When I said presentation.)
        You may have noticed that some of our discussions have bordered on use of language, and sometimes we had similar things in mind, but different choices of words or expression of those opinions.

        I hope you get on to better days in your blogging career. I will always be around, as much as time affords me. After all, I have also loved your musical side. So I have much to look forward to, Maestro.

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