The ultimate cure of depression

Does is sound far-fetched? Check for yourself and reflect.

She:
I am depressed on most days and carry on with it, with no help. Some days I don’t want to get up from bed, even show my face to the world and I spend  day under the blanket. It gets too much…the meaningless and endless crying, the way food becomes revolting to my palate..But I keep hanging on, telling myself over and over again, ” Today I am feeling so weak and cornered, like I want to curl up in a dark place and die…but tomorrow I will be better, stronger and surer of myself.

I am still struggling with it. But I agree to what you wrote here, that in an attempt to heal oneself you have to get eventually enlightened. Dealing with depression is akin to a spiritual awakening for me. I am not yet there, but I have started the journey.

Me:
I so much recognize my experience in your words:

“It gets too much…the meaningless and endless crying”

It seems meaningless, but crying does help. I cried for years. I oftentimes even ran out
of tears, so harsh was the sorrow.

You say:

“Today I am feeling so weak and cornered, like I want to curl up in a dark place and die…but tomorrow I will be better, stronger and surer of myself. I am still struggling with it. “

Now, please pay attention.

Depression is ultimately inner cleavage – the direct outcome of separation. Depression is duality at work.

Time and thought creating distance from what is.

To heal means actually to suspend time and thought staying with what is, surrendering.

Thus, the greatest trial is to eliminate time, to meet and tenderly confront the pain in this moment, as if there was no tomorrow. You have to let go of trying to “be better, stronger and surer” of yourself. In fact you have to even let go of hope – I am aware this sounds truly paradoxical. That´s hard, really hard, because it´s like giving up everything – the false identity – you have been taught to believe in. It feels like dying. But that is the process I have been going through, I talk from experience.

It is overwhelming, no doubt about that, above all when you are on your own with no guidance.

Struggling “against” reinforces the pain, the separation, the inner
cleavage – unbeknownst you enhance it, creating even more distance to it.

You see, even the word “deal” loses its sense, because, after all, who is the entity
who deals…? The very entity – ego – who created the pain you are in.

“I am not yet there”, you say. Know that in this outlandish journey, there is no “there” anymore. If you want to recover, you have to bring all into Now, into Here…With other words, you have to give up time, thought and distance. Very difficult as these – time, thought and distance – are the very foundation of human identity and pursuit.

That´s Enlightenment – to give up clinging to the Known and totally surrender.

BE VERY CAREFUL, because your ego will do anything in its power to prevent you from understanding and embracing this insight.

Since I have been there and managed to come out, I might be able to help others. You may want to talk to me more.

Tell me if my words make sense to you.

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About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

34 Responses to The ultimate cure of depression

  1. Indeed the cacoon must fall away
    In order for the butterfly fly free

  2. Ultimately depression is wanting something…..but by letting go of all wanting , it dawns that
    we already have everything of importance as we realize we have, and are conscious of, the All..
    …….. the Word of Wisdom made flesh,,,,,,and all that that implies, which is a process of
    discovery through the suffering and limitations of an immortal Self living our mortal selves.

    • julienmatei says:

      As Tomas Ross put it: “Dead on”…:)

      “Wanting something…” WHAT?…

      Indeed so…WHO wants something, and WHY…- that´s the hardest question.

  3. The body itself, the flesh and blood of us, wants lots of things, food, warmth,,,then the ego individual of us wants recognition, comfort, status, in short whatever feels good…… but if there
    is a part of us that says, “all fine and good, and even necessary, but is there not more?” then
    things become shaky and uncomfortable. I think depressions, addictions and such, either come
    from the ego who is not satisfied with ego wanting, or it can also come from the spirit of a person
    who is searching for more than ego satisfactions, in other words a soul who seeks a meaning to
    life itself, asks the big guestions, …..like what is that spark of consciousness who is conscious
    of itself and yet feels so isolated? Longing for a greater unity?

    • julienmatei says:

      I´ll respond later 🙂 as I had in mind an even broader and elusive perspective.

      Hugs

    • julienmatei says:

      Are you possibly acquainted with The Course in Miracles?

      • Casey says:

        “I cried for years. I oftentimes even ran out of tears, so harsh was the sorrow.”

        Here, too. And I know I’m not done yet.

        I had an unusual experience while listening to a meditation tape (while laying down) that opened up my heart and I started releasing this deep sorrow and sobbing. And yet I had this ‘vision’ arise during the process. I saw my body lying down on a massage table like the kind my husband uses for his work. I saw myself from the perspective of one who might be standing just behind my head. There was a bright warm light focused on me on the table and darkness surrounding me. And, there were hands gently placed all along my body on both sides from my shoulders to my feet. I could see the hands and the wrists, but the rest was covered in darkness. I couldn’t see who they were, I just had this immediate understanding that these were not ordinary beings, but these were wise women spirits who came before me. Their sole purpose was to provide a compassionate presence while I expressed the deep soul pain that spontaneously arose.

        I have begun to realize I’m not always going to be alone, though much of the time I have felt very much alone in my own journey through life.

        There was another experience after that where I was crying and I had curled up in my bed and I had a vision of a mother figure stroking my head and comforting me while I cried.

        Now, you must understand, I rarely have had those types of experiences. And, I’m 43 years old and a former scientist, one who preferred objective facts over subjective and often capricious emotional experience for most of my life.

        It’s the kind of thing I’d heard other people have and I wanted to have, but didn’t really know I could have. And I very much know that whether it was a real supernatural/spiritual event that occurred on a level of consciousness that we don’t have access to normally or just some expressions of an extremely active imagination, I’ll probably never know.

        And realize it also doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason, it was a wonderful thing to experience.

        Those two experiences have not yet been repeated. Though I have cried since then and felt utterly alone and sometimes unable to hold my experience with compassion and tenderness. My ego is present and trying to get me to believe some incredibly cruel lies about myself.

        “Thus, the greatest trial is to eliminate time, to meet and tenderly confront the pain in this moment, as if there was no tomorrow. You have to let go of trying to “be better, stronger and surer” of yourself. In fact you have to even let go of hope – I am aware this sounds truly paradoxical.”

        It may be paradoxical to ego, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

        I have found this in my experience so far. And my process is far from over. I have had to release these things in small doses, since I still have to be careful around my children. They rush to comfort me when I really don’t want them too. First off, it’s dangerous for them to do so, and secondly, it does interrupt what I feel is a necessarily solitary process.

        I’ll revisit this more on my personal blog at some time in the future as a post of it own…but this is a start.

        I do very much appreciate having a peek into your experience. It seems to me that my experience, while unique in some aspects, has some similarities to yours.

        I don’t need reassurance, and yet, it is reassuring to know others have gone through this before and lived to tell about it.

        Casey

      • julienmatei says:

        Your heartfelt words are moving. Truly inspiring and encouraging insofar as I had similar experiences – or shall I call them encounters…? – I have never dared to write about but thanks to you now, eventually, I will.

        When we are “unwell”, we do need reassurance. I for one no longer need it now, but when I was in the dismal regions, whatever true sincere word was an invaluable “light-supply”. A stretching hand.

        Anything in fact which diverted us from the inherent negative focus of the ego.

        Most of the people on this planet are totally identified with the ego, so that´s why many times – as least in my case – there was no one to back me; that is, to help me see beyond the confinement of the ego. After all, they are all caught in fear…. – so fear fears fear…Fear fears to look at itself…Crazy but damn true…

        However, imagination or not, if those experiences alleviated your pain, giving you some relief, they were true.

        Now, the man behind the curtain – the ego – is responsible for making us feel isolated and cut off from the totality of life.

        Ego is separation, and its agenda is to find means to enhance its isolation. To constantly reinforce our infelicity. Its greatest success consequently, is our worst misery. It sounds mighty strange, but it´s the truth.

        Now this entity is not to be underestimated. It has a huge repertoire: It is terribly deceitful, it can shift and take on unthinkable poses – from the lowest to the highest. It can play victim and victimizer, it can mime anything – even playing God. And that, quite well.

        That´s why you need to have a terribly sharp eye, to see through him. Despite my great intuition, I have many times been deceived by his skillful conning.
        Really, all it wants is to suffer and create suffering and havoc. To punish. To revenge. To turn everything upside down.

        So…there is the personal and the collective ego. It has many guises, but basically it is the same. The difficult work – and that´s why it is wise to take it gradually and in small doses – is to bear in mind that this immemorial entity in its collective aspect is very powerful. Enormously cunning. Among his twisted accomplishments he masters the art of…- nobody has said that before – yes, the art of madness. It can turn both itself and his host insane.

        You may find this absurd and totally nonsensical – but if you look carefully at the world and its rampantly growing psychic diseases, you may concur…

        So…I talk to you in this manner as I feel that you can come through…The uncommon combat with It is like David and Goliath…But with the help of the White Shadows we can survive through this battle.

        Two weeks ago before the “switch” in me was made, I was very near to crumple. Maybe it´s not so wise, but I will write about this at some point. It surpasses anything I ever heard of…

        The difficult thing is that you cannot speak to anyone about this, because who is ready to see things in such depth…?

        They would simply call you a nutcase…yet still, that is what is going on…

        So…as you say: “it is reassuring to know others have gone through this before and lived to tell about it.”

        So it is:

        I AM HERE. YOU ARE HERE. WE ARE ALL HERE.

        We all share this dream. 🙂

        Julien

      • I have read parts of it. Have seen lots of mention on the internet, and it appears to be very popular. Perhaps you could do a post of what you think the main tenents of the Course are.
        I could then respond much better.

      • julienmatei says:

        This can be interesting to read:

        http://thesanecurriculum.com/2013/11/18/whacky-memories/

        Quite mind-blowingly “true” and very funny 🙂

      • Funny yes……but you really believe it is True?

      • julienmatei says:

        That´s the point – is my belief “true”?

        And with the risk of being rather vague:

        What is “True” eventually…?

      • julienmatei says:

        The point is – and that´s the reason I sent you that post from karmiceraser –
        WHO in us feels isolated?…How come we feel isolated in a Universe which is anything but
        “isolated”…?

        Is this Isolation we feel true…? Or eventually isolation is Fear – a terrible illusion which is taken for true by millions of people.

        This Illusion of isolation is the terrible dream of disunity, of Unhappiness – can you see that?

        Think it over:

        Who is uncomfortable, who in us wants “more”… is there such thing as “more” when you are ease, completely present and absorbed in What is? – That is, when you are Unity, at one with all there is?

        Can you see that this entity who dreams the dream of Isolation is Ego…?

        All depressions, addictions, satisfaction-craving, entitlement-issues is Ego – dissatisfaction remaining dissatisfied no matter what….Can you see that?
        There is meaning-seeking as long there is Ego…- that because Ego as such is a total failure, spooky meaninglessness ultimately.

        It is Ego asking “the big questions”, whereas in reality. from the perspective of Self, of the true Spirit, there are no questions – because:

        WHO is there to ask? And who is there to answer…?

      • Casey says:

        I don’t have time to reply in depth to what you wrote, but I appreciate your sharing with me. Thank you so much.

        Your words remind me so much I wrote that was an attempt at a metaphorical description of what I have periodically experience.

        http://thesprightlywriter.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/she-the-warrior/

        I’m both frightened and excited about the possibility of going back to that place. However terrifying, the richness of the internal experience is oddly fascinating and a fertile source of creative expression for me.

      • julienmatei says:

        Quite a coincidence – you wrote this post Feb 22nd.

        My birthday 🙂

      • Casey says:

        Julien

        I’m re-reading for the second time your reply. It’s poignant, and a part of my journey has been to dance on the edge of madness and occasionally wade in. There’s times when I feel too normal and I actually miss the exploration of the shadow side of my psyche. But…it’s not only the worst of us that gets lost in the shadow, but some of the best of us that gets hidden there too. Anyone who has art (or other creative expression) in them but represses it – and the art is lost in shadow.

        I can joke about it now, but for years, I was afraid. My sister once told me that because I was so “crazy” my mother was going to institutionalize me and they were going to give me 21 shots. She was 13 at the time and I was 11.

        I’m not entirely sure why. Particularly in light of the fact that she chased ME around the house with a large kitchen knife.

        If I am insane, it’s because that’s the safest place to be in a world full of sick people. My siblings and I lived with an alcoholic step-father and a narcissistic mother. Reality was created by those who had the power and incentive to manipulate the truth. In turn of course, my ego learned some of the same delusions. But my entire being has been longing for Truth and authenticity. Ego derails this process, and often. But Self knows even when Ego obfuscates.

        It lies. Yes, indeed. It infects the host. Yes, it does.

        I am in a good place at the moment. I can lighten up about it, now. But…well…it’s…well probably easier for me to link to this post than paraphrase it:

        http://thesprightlywriter.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/why-recovering-from-suicidal-crises-is-hard/

        I write about suicidal ideation because hardly anyone does and I think it needs to be talked about compassionately.

        I don’t write directly of my experiences, not because I’m worried about what people think (what people think of me is none of my business), but because writing brings me back to that dark place and I’d rather not willingly go back into it.

        Jiddu Krishnamurti has one of my favorite quotes: It’s no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

        Lately I’ve been exploring the works of Pema Chodron (Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change) and Anan Thumen (No Self, No Problem). Eventually I’ll move on to The Way of the Bodhisattva, but that’s pretty intense. It doesn’t pull any punches, there.

        Please know that what you write here resonates with me.

        I don’t wish to have you create difficulties for yourself in the re-telling of your story. Sometimes we can re-create trauma by sharing our story. However, if you think that you can share it without stirring up distress, it would be an honor to read it.

        No hurries though, I have all the time in the world. Or at least the next breath. =)

        I’ll leave you with one last thought. A quote by Hermann Hesse from Demian one of my favorite novels and quotes:

        “We who wore the sign might justly be considered “odd” by the world, yes, even crazy, and dangerous. We were aware, or in the process of becoming aware and our striving was directed toward achieving a more and more complete state of awareness while the striving of the others was a quest aimed at binding their opinions, ideals, duties, their lives and their fortunes more and more closely to those of the herd. There, too, was striving, there, too were power and greatness. But whereas we, who were marked, believed that we represented the will of Nature to something new, to the individualism of the future, the others sought to perpetuate the status quo.”

      • julienmatei says:

        My God what you say here:

        There’s times when I feel too normal and I actually miss the exploration of the shadow side of my psyche. But…it’s not only the worst of us that gets lost in the shadow, but some of the best of us that gets hidden there too. Anyone who has art (or other creative expression) in them but represses it – and the art is lost in shadow.

        If anyone knew this better than me – I am a composer. Concert pianist. Painter. For years I withdrew from all Art, as it invariably brought me back to the “place of crime” – yes, to that ineffable place within which hurts like hell.

        I did everything in order to flee the pain, to try to ignore it – and that´s understandable, given the intensity of it – but it came a moment some weeks ago where the only option I had, was to plunge in those incredibly ecstatic and life-giving rhythms, which saved me and brought me where I presently am. Writing helped too. It was really an impossible combat, which was going on a symbolic plane…But again, if we don´t get the right relation with the symbols and archetypes, life here on Earth, becomes a hell.

        Know that there is no difference between Ego and ego. The ego you see in others is your own ego. So understanding this, you can easily forgive “others” – that is, yourself. Forgiveness brings you back to who you are: Joy 🙂 Clarity. Enlightenment is not about drawing light figures but delving deep bringing darkness into light…

        It´s eventually yourself you see where you look at.

        Utterly speaking I am a reflection of you, You kind of dream me, living here in Sweden, and I dream myself as Casey in America 🙂

        How do you explain that Demian is probably my most favourite novel, beside other synchronicities…?

        Anyway…I had written a longer and much more succinct answer but you know Who – he made it happen so it was deleted. But I didn´t give in.

        The crazy bastard of Demiurg Ego – who in fact is also our creation – obfuscates Who We Are – JOY.

        So know that even in the middle of all hardships Joy is The Option. Because Joy is the primordial Unity.

        Joy is the thing which this crazy ego can´t take. JOY IS THE ANTIVENOM TO EVERY SICKNESS OF THE MIND:

        So please – En – Joy 🙂

        Hugs,

        Julien

        You may want to read this:

        http://thesanecurriculum.com/2013/11/18/whacky-memories/

      • Casey says:

        That really doesn’t surprise me. I find lots of synchronicity in my journey. I have learned to follow those little coincidences.

      • Casey says:

        Julien,

        I hope this ends up in the right place…

        I’m truly, well, in awe of you a little bit.

        A composer. Concert pianist. A painter. And a writer, too. I love that.

        I always wished I had learned to play piano, but sadly I never did.

        While I can’t play the piano, it’s one of my favorite instruments. I love the music of Vivaldi, Pachelbel, Mozart, Wagner, Tchaikovsky, Chopin.

        I wish I could hear your work. That would be so wonderful.

        What kind of art do you paint?

        One of my avocations is mixed media art. I am self-taught, so I really don’t have any idea what I’m doing. One of these days I hope to take some painting and drawing classes. I am just afraid to not be any good and I am rather still self-conscious about painting in front of others. There is a photograph I have taken that I would love to paint.

        http://thesprightlywriter.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/there-are-times-i-wish-i-could-paint/

        I will say that in my attempts to find things to photograph, I’ll be walking along and all of a sudden be simply riveted by what I, sunlight sparkling on water, or a particular arrangement of tree trunks or like that bridge. I’m getting more of a ‘felt sense’ about what will make for a good photo rather than having any real skill. I wonder what I could do if I actually knew what I was doing.

        There is this one thrift store I go to every once in a while I get to pick up really inexpensive books on art or even magazines on art that people re-sell for very little. I have one about Van Gogh and his letters and Monet and his letters too. I just love reading the letters that were written about the time the paintings were painted. It’s been a joy to read what’s on the mind of the artists when they were painting. It’s interesting particularly when you realize that while we now see this world famous painting, at the time, there might have been emotional or financial challenges at that time.

        I like Renaissance and Romantic art. I like many Impressionist artists too – Monet, Renoir, Degas, and post-impressionist Seurat. There’s a few tasteful nude paintings I like too. I have sometimes wished I had the body to model for a nude painting. I think that would be so wonderful. I have seen a few movies depicting artists and their Muses were being painted.

        Ah, there’s such beauty I wish I could express through painting. Maybe someday.

        And I probably am dreaming of you in Sweden as you are dreaming of me. However, I need to refine the dream a little. I should wish that I dream you closer so it would be conceivable that we might meet for coffee (or tea…or whichever drink you like).

        But yes, I love Demian. It’s hands-down my favorite novel. And Hesse my favorite author.

        And as to Joy being the antivenom to every sickness of the mind? I wholeheartedly agree. I have had some Joy, and I’d like much more of it.

        Warm regards,

        Casey

      • julienmatei says:

        I will respond later.

        Just for now, you may want to listen to this:

        https://julienmatei.com/?s=time+has+come

        Warm greetings,

        J

      • Casey says:

        Oh, Julien, it’s so lovely.

        There’s light and joy in that piece. I am truly warmed by it.

        I’ve listened to it twice, and I know I’ll listen to it many more times.

        It’s an honor to listen to it.

        Thank you so much for bringing your music into the world. The world needs more of it.

        🙂

      • julienmatei says:

        So heartwarming words.

        Tks Casey!

    • julienmatei says:

      The point is – and that´s the reason I sent you that post from karmiceraser –
      WHO in us feels isolated?…How come we feel isolated in a Universe which is anything but
      “isolated”…?

      Is this Isolation we feel true…? Or eventually isolation is Fear – a terrible illusion which is taken for true by millions of people.

      This Illusion of isolation is the terrible dream of disunity, of Unhappiness – can you see that?

      Think it over:

      Who is uncomfortable, who in us wants “more”… is there such thing as “more” when you are ease, completely present and absorbed in What is? – That is, when you are Unity, at one with all there is?

      Can you see that this entity who dreams the dream of Isolation is Ego…?

      All depressions, addictions, satisfaction-craving, entitlement-issues is Ego – dissatisfaction remaining dissatisfied no matter what….Can you see that?
      There is meaning-seeking as long there is Ego…- that because Ego as such is a total failure, spooky meaninglessness ultimately.

      It is Ego asking “the big questions”, whereas in reality. from the perspective of Self, of the true Spirit, there are no questions – because:

      WHO is there to ask? And who is there to answer…?

  4. Thomas Ross says:

    Julien,

    You express a central, powerful, and daunting wisdom.

    To step out of the duality, the ego, to let go the sense of time, the past, the future, to lose the sense of destination, to give up hope, which after all is rooted in a yearning and looking ahead that sends us back to the duality and grasping that doomed us to start- if we live in this way, no depression, no anger, no regret, no fear.

    But “daunting” because what is so simple demands such strength. Like stepping off a cliff, trusting yourself to that degree.

    This is not so much a “cure” for depression as it is a way of existing in which the very idea of “depression” can have no place.

    Tom

  5. Pingback: A new way of existing | Mirrors of Encounters

  6. Very wise and elegant words. Thank you very much 🙂

  7. Your words make sense, I feel lighter after reading this post, much appreciated

  8. Pingback: Whatever you suppress in your inner life will be played out as Destiny around you | Mirrors of Encounters

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