Who am I…? Who are you?…Writing as living the True Story

Most people on this planet have no idea Who they are – that is quite evident…That because it´s no one there in the beginning of our lives to guide us towards self-knowledge. Instead, we are all relentlessly turned into some depersonalized instruments to serve a faceless existence.

Writing for me is unraveling myself, finding out Who I Am. Understanding myself. It is my weapon in this peculiar and perilous Odyssey of self-discovery. Indeed, writing is about deconditioning myself from the bullshit imposed by my family, school and society.

And in this process of inner questioning and self-examination, I naturally find that my
inherent Meaning has been there all the time, but wasn´t discernable for my perception.

No, I couldn´t see myself, as I WAS A STRANGER IN MY OWN LIFE.

When I think of it I am overwhelmed by sadness.

For so many years, in fact, all my so-called life up to now, it was not me living, but other people´s nightmares – huge and chaotic generational pain, others´ dire unfulfillment, in truth, my ancestors un-lived lives were howling inside my soul, those hoarse voices calling themselves “me”…

These blind and inertial complexes quashed my sense of self – my sense of a meaningful relation with the true Me. In the last months such outlandish and ruthless battles have taken place BOTH WITHIN AND WITHOUT – these delirious forces having incredible power to manifest so-called outward events.

These forces are what we call “destiny”…- that´s the most difficult thing to fathom.

THESE FORCES´ INSIDIOUS AGENDA IS TO KEEP YOU AWAY FROM THE TRUE YOU – from realizing who you truly are.

Nobody wants to face or acknowledge the truth in its overarching depth – I was totally on my own in this abyssal dispute, with no one beside me. I seem to have made it – so far. Fact of the matter is that after such a combat either you crumble or you come out alive – that is, enlightened. It would be preposterous to claim that I am enlightened, but, the very fact that I came out alive after these battles, points to that direction – Illumination.

Know that to retrieve your True Soul, your Inward Meaning, is the most difficult task in this world:
To individuate. To become You.

Unless you want to live someone else´s life, you will have to take this initiatory journey back to Who You Really Are. Who you truly are is life´s highest meaning. If you find your immanent Meaning you have found the living source of Creation.

You have to start telling your True Story. And in this sense, Writing is your torch in the process of self-discovery, your only weapon in the combat of the inner and outer darkness.

Not more. Not less.

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About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

4 Responses to Who am I…? Who are you?…Writing as living the True Story

  1. culturemonk says:

    that’s a lot of deep thoughts dude. I like the way you summed it up, “Unless you want to live someone else´s life, you will have to take this initiatory journey back to Who You Really Are”

  2. Casey says:

    I agree, wholeheartedly.

    “For so many years, in fact, all my so-called life up to now, it was not me living, but other people´s nightmares – huge and chaotic generational pain, others´ dire unfulfillment, in truth, my ancestors un-lived lives were howling inside my soul, those hoarse voices calling themselves “me”…”

    Sometimes when you write, you remind me of my friend T. He has said something very similar to me. This does not at all surprise me, and it makes me smile because the similarities between you two are so striking.

    “Know that to retrieve your True Soul, your Inward Meaning, is the most difficult task in this world: To individuate. To become You.”

    Yes, very true.

    • julienmatei says:

      Hi Casey,

      Maybe T is the American version of me 🙂

      No but really, sometimes you do wonder how on earth it is possible to feel such kinship with a person living thousands of miles away, someone you have never met…

      Weird…and yet – not.

      Our true essence conspicuously surpasses distance, time and reason.

      I enclose a link:

      http://beyondmeds.com/2013/12/01/psyche-self-traumatizing/

      To fragments from this post:

      The primitive defense does not learn anything about realistic danger as the child grows up. It functions on the magical level of consciousness with the same level of awareness it had when the original trauma or traumas occurred. Each new life opportunity is mistakenly seen as a dangerous threat of re-traumatization and is therefore attacked. In this way, the archaic defenses become anti-life forces which Freud understandably thought of as part of the death instinct.

      As much as he or she wants to change, as hard as he or she tries to improve life or relationships, something more powerful than the ego continually undermines progress and destroys hope. It is as though the persecutory inner world somehow finds its outer mirror in repeated self-defeating “re-enactments” — almost as if the individual were possessed by some diabolical power or pursued by a malignant fate.

      “It functions on the magical level of consciousness”…-WHAT ABOUT THAT…?”
      The magical level of consciousness…

      This is mind-blowing. It shows that, as I thought it myself, you need to be almost a full grown magician if you want to heal.

      Be well,

      Julien

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