Are we dying to live or living to die?

There is no solution unless we acknowledge the problem

I believe the ‘offer’ made to us is more on the order of to-live-or-not-to-live than one of death avoidance. I think we have *learned* to ‘fear’ death, and that the only, real, natural solution is found in LIVING.

Humans seem to have a tendency to behave in ways that are contrary to the broader natural order. So there is nothing really ‘unnatural’ in that sense…about synthetics OR human behavior. I think that ‘anti-natural’ gets closer to what I am trying to express than ‘unnatural’.

Many parents in ‘developed’ societies nowadays have come to believe that their ‘job’ is done when their children reach majority ‘alive’ (as in not dead). But are those children really *alive*? Are the parents? Is the focus on death? Or life? It seems evident to me.

There is a big difference between (a) being aware of things that would interfere with living and (b) fearing death. Death is no less a transition in the Life Process than birth. Fearing ‘future’ death makes no more sense than fearing ‘past’ birth…or fearing every moment that we live. Thus I see fear as a perversion of awareness.

Are we dying to live or living to die?

The thought coming naturally to mind is:

Can we ever fully live unless we have learned to die now?

Is clinging to life living?

Is living according to any idea true living?

The perversion of awareness is actually OUR IDEA we hold about life. Whatever idea, stems ultimately from Fear. Thus Fear is the foundation of our unnatural or anti-natural “relation” to life.

Fear is consequently wrong relation to Life, cause fear exists only in relation to something.

The blatantly conspicuous reality is that everybody tries hardly to be someone. Instead of being alive they all try to be “special”. Being special is again, an inane wish to reinforce the idea – to live according to a thought.

They all “choose” to be, instead of simply being…that is, allowing the natural urge to unfold seamlessly inside and outside them. This demented hubris is man´s most dooming calamity:

“We are better and stronger than life. My resistance against anything living defines me. The more I fight and compete Life – the natural – the stronger I am.”

Such huge misconception lies at the base of our way of living.

And so the consequence is all this mad and senseless unfolding and escaping in the wrong thing: everybody is in the wrong place at the wrong time, pursuing the wrong activity, being constantly in the wrong context.

They usually marry the wrong person, they´re stuck in the wrong jobs, have the wrong friends…the list of wrongness is interminable. That is quite evident: the ones who are not supposed to be there, prevent the ones who are supposed to be where they belong. 

To answer you question:

How can these insane people breed any sane and wholesome kids…?
Of course they can´t. How can the children be alive, when the parents
are diseased?…

This utterly defective life-style leads inevitably to misfortune, suffering and madness, and hence at some point, as a way out of this, man escapes his furious insanity through conflict and irrational violence, ultimately creating war…- war meaning, everybody fighting against his own misconceptions…man fighting against his and others´ false ideas.

So yes, that´s the key question:

Are we dying to live, or living to die?

With other words, are we going to stubbornly stick to these our obsolete and death-bringing Ideas and destroy the whole planet, or do we have now the awareness of the prompting necessity to renounce and let go of this calamitous hubris?

About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

20 Responses to Are we dying to live or living to die?

  1. Mélanie says:

    presque la question: mâncam ca sa traim sau traim ca sa halim?!… 🙂

  2. zoevega says:

    Funny on my first day back should I stumble across this. I believe that people are trained into such anxieties about the future that they cannot truly appreciate and fully accept the moment that they dwell in; the only thing that is truly in existence. I feel like we are all forced into thinking we have so many demons to fight that we can never truly live. Something that took my creativity away for the last 6 months. I am happy you are still fighting the good fight and a putting out your truths!

    • julienmatei says:

      H Zoe,

      It means that my lines here hold a meaning for you, as you stumbled across this post.

      When we are ripe, we seem to bump into things which are in resonance with where we are.

      Indeed, we are trained to escape ourselves…to give away our Life and Love to Fear, which gives only Absence in return..

      People are so used to living in absence and despondency so that they can no longer believe there is something else beyond this torture…

      .It is a sorrow beyond words to witness this…what most humans take this for “life”…

      Yes…Fear and its demons or daimons…If we don´t learn how to connect and be in communion with them, they destroy us

      Just to let you know: I no longer fight. The fight is over for me…Now I ripe the fruits of this long Odyssey – and live only second by second…In living that way there is nothing but rest and clarity:)

      It would be interesting to hear about your experiences. that, is you wish to share them.

      I am glad to hear frm you.

      Best wishes for now,


      • zoevega says:

        Living in the moment as you say is the only way to live through positive means as you are not investing in multiple imaginary futures which do not exist in that second or passing your energy off into past ventures which only serve to drain you. I did not mean fighting as per-say but more of living your life in a way which diminishes the negatives that could effect you.
        Id love to share my journey with you, I’ve written a new piece on my blog that explains my disappearance again. Id love for our views on the event because you seem clear to the give-and-take of life. 🙂

      • julienmatei says:

        Hi Zoe,

        Tks for your lines here. I like they way you put this:

        “Not investing in multiple imaginary futures which do not exist in that second or passing your energy off into past ventures which only serve to drain you.”

        I will have a look at your post now.

        In actual truth, I do renew myself every time I am given back to myself encountering another…

      • zoevega says:

        Thankyou. I just write in the way that makes most sense to what am I trying to put forward 🙂 I have created a Facebook community for See Further now in hope of bringing together multiple connections to the spiritual cause! I want to build true connections with people that see the world through true eyes 🙂

      • julienmatei says:

        That is my wish too: to create a context of supporting true communion in truth. Give me the link to it please.

        For the record, if you want to add me at Facebook, look for Julien Matei Stockholm



      • zoevega says:

        I do not have my own facebook page as I have never been a strong advocate of what it stands for but I will send you the link to the community I am creating. As it is in early days I do not have very many people on it but am hoping to expand to reach out to the furthers corners of the collective. Here is the link:
        If you know of others which would be interested please pass it on I would love to be able to have open discussions with a vast number of intellectuals 🙂

      • julienmatei says:

        I am not an advocate of Facebook either, it´s just the fact that I can somehow keep in touch with friends in different countries, being able to use the chat there.

        I can tell you this:

        The more you internalize the right connection to Truth in you – the more stable and anchored you grow int this flow and well-being -, the more evidence you will have for that, in the sense that people will be more and more attracted to that context.

        I see this happen in my very experience.

      • zoevega says:

        That’s a philosophy I really do love; one that, the more you strive for bettering yourself the more benefit you and the world will see. Thank you for imparting that wisdom. I feel it is hard sometimes, being humans we suffer from impatience and when we do not see the results of our good doing immediately we become disheartened and give in to more neutral behaviours!

      • julienmatei says:

        About patience:

        Know that it has taken me 30 years! to reach this point.

        Not that I believe in time or patience, but transformation has its own pace…Don´t push it!!
        Take the right step.

        Pulling a flower makes it not grow faster 😉

      • julienmatei says:

        I had sent you the link to my last post, but you had already read it – that´s the way it goes:

        Spontaneously and seamlessly 🙂

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  4. I saw the title and I totally connected. It’s both for me. Permit me to be a little vague and I will permit you to ask for clarification.
    I am living to die as I wake up each day with the single purpose of dying, of letting go to the divine, claiming nothing for myself against the unseen. And in dying, I experience sanity and life….

    • julienmatei says:

      I was responding to your other comment, while you were writing this one. So I move the comment here, as it is in line with your words here:

      Hello Mr Poet 🙂

      Thank you for your endorsement 😉

      You can´t imagine the relief…- to be experienced…instead of deliberately craving to “experience”…

      Since some days now, such a blessed “loss” of Ideas…

      I am being emptied, but irretrievably filled…- with a another “version” of “me”

      I no longer know where I start and where I continue…:)) 😛

      In fact, I discontinue 🙂 )

      • Hahaha… I see that now.
        If I dare pontificate, albeit slightly humbly, that most of us probably experience these saner moments of life, like in the post you directed me to, but so quickly we forget those moments and the lessons learnt; and we are sooner back to our toilings and mechanised, narrow-viewed versions of life.

      • julienmatei says:

        Don´t try to remember something you have un-learned…

        Let´s forget that we forget :))

  5. Casey says:

    I like this quote:

    “I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
    ~ Agatha Christie

    I write a lot about death and dying, suicide, grief and loss. And in between I write about the ways I try to meet Life, often fumbling around in confusion and doubt.

    I can’t really adequately respond to this post. I’m frequently anxious and afraid, but I try to meet Life anyway.

    My husband has had suicidal gestures.

    I wrote about the last one here:

    I wrote about it as a story, but it really happened to me and my husband. I don’t know what I should have done, I only know what I did do. The very next day I turned to his church for help. And they did give us some help.

    I spent 8 hours with a friend of mine yesterday who overdosed on Tyenol PM (acetaminophen with a sleeping aid in it) twice in the past 3 months. Two weeks ago was the last time. She’s in a really bad way, but I met with her and made an effort to relieve some of her pain, just by being present because she was having a hard time being alone right now. She had gotten her children taken from her temporarily, which is not helping her state of mind.

    I took her to my husband’s massage therapy office and he gave her craniosacral therapy (a type of bodywork) and massage therapy. I took her back to my home and we talked while tidying up (she likes organizing so I gave her some things to help me with). Then we went to pick up some groceries for her because she’s currently staying with a friend but she has no permanent home right now.

    I gave her a toolkit of books on mindfulness and Pema Chodron’s The Wisdom of No Escape, guided meditations to listen to, and a handwritten letter. She did say on facebook she did feel loved, and was wanting to hold onto that feeling. I know, though, she still in a precarious mental place.

    I do have fear and worry, sometimes. And I accept my sensitivity and my difficulties with meeting Life and I march on anyway though it’s very hard to meet Life, sometimes.

    My moments of joy and wonder are there, and I find them when I’m out and about in Nature.
    I find great peace there, too.

    I was able to get away for an hour on Thanksgiving to go for a walk:

    I find peace in writing. I find peace in creating art. I find peace in holding my children and, when I’m not fearing him and I’m not angry with him (because yes, me ego gets the upper hand sometimes), I find great peace when I hold my husband, I found some peace in trying to meet my friend where she was at, without judgment.

    I marvel at the confusion and clarity that I have experienced. The ecstatic joy and the immense sorrow.

    It’s really all the same, in the sense that as long as I can feel, I know Life is living through me.

  6. YOHAMI says:

    True. What are you going to do about it?

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