Today in the morning as I was pondering this hopeless predicament, being utterly discouraged, I had a sort of epiphany: Before sitting at the piano, out of the blue I HEARD A SINGLE TONE…both inside and outside of me coming from nowhere…Not only that it entirely “held me”, but this very “inaudible tone” felt like the fundamental essence which is behind and contains all written and yet unwritten Music. The inner invisible structure of all music: GRACE.

It all happened in an instant. It felt as if a veil was taken from my soul. I was speechless. I couldn´t believe my senses: After all these years of working my fingers to the bone, Bach´s music was there in all its shining beauty. Simple in all its unfathomable complexity.

All those seemingly technically unsurpassable passages I had struggled with throughout the years were now seamlessly easy…

It all made Sense now. 

And it made sense, because I suddenly was free from any aspiration or wish to accomplish anything. I had given it all up. There was only this immediate and gloriously unmediated understanding which virtually took possession of me.

Such wondrous flow. It was not me playing anymore, instead the music was playing me. The joy and immense sense of fulfillment to feel this music in my grasp felt like heaven on earth. Pure rapture.

I was both the Mirror and the Mirrored. The player and the played…

Really…

Know that we simply cannot achieve this direct and pervasive cognizance, despite all our aspirations and targeted effort.

This kingly guest has to come and bestow us when we are ready.

I have waited for almost three decades. For the gift of One…

How long are you prepared to wait…?