Another Life, another Story…
A dear friend sent this so incredible letter to me. With her permission, I will share this with you.
“Out of nowhere, I feel a kind of secret ease, as if an unendurable burden is about to be removed from my chest. Not only from my chest, but from my whole body and soul.
This impervious darkness totally obscured my yearning…It took everything away from me: my sounds, my dreams, my colors…My true space…It really made me a stranger to myself.
It was not me inhabiting my life, I was lived by a nightmare.
Everything went adrift. Despite my talent and devotion to my work, it all relentlessly failed me. No doubt about that: Life conspired to kneel me…- whatever I undertook fell through.
As yet, Nothing has changed around me, but I begin to see, AND ABOVE ALL, I begin to hear everything…In a new light…In a new shade.
Did I tell you that I hear colours and see tones…?
I can´t figure it out how on earth it has been possible to be totally bereft of myself for so many years. To live with such gruesome pain…in such complete agony and loneliness…I died thousands of deaths…God knows how I made it through, as there was no one there to help…they were all afraid.
First now, I can start to breath…to timidly and furtively look around me…I at last come out of this hell to some kind of rest…Yes…a soothing and reassuring rest, which is
real – something which feels true…immediate…loving.”
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Tagged with "through" - the only way, a new life?, a new promise?, an unendurable burden is about to be taken from my chest, as intense pain and huge loneliness, bea - my love, breaking through to a new life, coming out to a new life, coming out to love, rest in god, the dark night of the soul
About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced.
These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity...
Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give...
We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE...
THE NEW has no definition yet...
Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.
Mirrors of Encounters 
I could really ‘feel’ that feeling reading the letter. I think I know what that is. I’m so pleased you’re moving into a ‘groovier’ phase whoever you are. Thanks for sharing. x
Bea – my friend who wrote this – thanks you for your empathy, and as she refuses to use the internet, she wonders if you care to elaborate on ” I think I know what that is”…Did you have a similar experience/breakthrough?
Not using the internet, I love that.
I do think I had a similar experience. It happened after I thought I had lost the thing that I really wanted to have and to keep forever. I don’t know if this will make sense, but losing everything sort of liberated me. I didn’t realise till afterwards, those things I clung to were really shackles, lead boots and not life jackets I thought they were. And after the sadness of loss lifted, there was a kind of dawn. Inexplicably and all of a sudden. I just awoke feeling like I had returned. Which is silly because I hadn’t been anywhere. None the less all of a sudden I was back. Everything felt the same/different. New and old. It’s a lovely feeling and because I was afraid of scaring it away, I stayed really still and didn’t tell a soul. (till now)
I hope it’s how Bea is feeling.
“Losing everything sort of liberated me”…Letting go of all falseness, of all fictitious safety and letting Life…
Having the courage of losing all heavy shackles of the past…
We are not afraid of the Unknown, but of losing the Known…
When in the nearness of Death – which is the end of the known – we become strangely alive and engaged in living…
Thank you! I am moved by your words.
I´ll pass it on to Bea.
I do not exist. And my non-I appreciates this.
Of course, now that non-I has spoken this, it is only projection.
Peace…or non-peace…or whatever…
I raise my Zen hand in silence.
“I do not exist.” – claimed the disciple.
“Oh, really?…”, replied the master, punching him fiercely. “Is this punch existing or non-existing?”
So for your first line, you too deserve a Zen punch 😀
As for the last line – beautiful… I feel it all the way here 😉