Dire analogies

Long story short:

My father managed to fuck up and steal my Now, inflicting nothing but fear, frustration and guilt on me. His fierce and unblessed conduct has affected me for life: Wasted years of shattering loneliness, huge pain, confusion. Unbeknownst he turned me into the depositary of his vengeance and aggressive madness.

Years after.

I met recently a hellishly charming woman who managed to make me believe and trust her. Such endearing communication we seemed to be engaged in. But alas, behind her winsome innocence, elegance and beauty, hided a vindictive monster. I made the mistake of letting my guard down, and the pandemonium started.

The whole game that followed was about manipulation of emotions, everything to take me away from and kill my NOW-Presence!!! This power-horny slut, hated whatever vivid and spontaneous expression – eventually, she seems to be at war with Life and Living. Of course she would never ever admit this. She would deceive you with incredible skillful delusions. Such a con artist, helping me in subtle or violent ways to disengage from and live in bitter oblivion from Self. To forget WHO YOU ARE, so you become her prey.

The blatant likeness between her and the wounds imposed on me by my father in my early childhood is mind-blowing. Staggeringly paradoxical. Why Life is such a complicated psychological conundrum totally surpasses my grasping…

But here I am…Coming out, untangling myself from and sorting out an age-old nightmarish riddle…Speaking about things no one dares to acknowledge or take up….

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About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced. These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity... Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give... We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE... THE NEW has no definition yet... Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.

One Response to Dire analogies

  1. These patterns keep showing up because you are projecting them onto your world. You probably don’t want to hear it but I’m a say it anyway: You are your dad, you are the power hungry slut. You are just talking about yourself. Take ownership of these projections and take control of your psyche. The answers to unlock your psychological conundrum are hidden within your words. I know, I am a recovering project-a-holic. By owning my projections I am taking back control of my life and getting my NOW back. Are you ready to look into the mirror? aaron

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