Can we ever heal an evil destiny?
I got this following letter from a reader. With his permission I post it here – cause really, his predicament surpasses my ability to give him a proper answer. So maybe those of you reading this might have a clue out of his plight.
Here it is:
“I am truly puzzled.
There is something within me which somehow quashes and steals my healthy perception. To such extent that I end up being a stranger in my own life – insofar as I am out of touch with my potential.
I am not a so-called religious person, but my situation can be very well illustrated with this excerpt:
“I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.”- Romans 7-20
Thing is that this malevolent energy is at work in anything I undertake. With other words, everything fails me – be it job projects, relations, or love affairs.
EVERYTHING FALLS APART.
It feels many times that I am under some kind of spell. I am aware that this sounds far-fetched and unrealistic. But I see this happening obsessively around me.
It´s as if my Destiny is the reckless play of these blind forces inside of me.
So my question to you is this:
Have you ever experienced that in your own life?
Do you therefore have any idea HOW one can deal with and neutralize this outlandish energy thieves?
Sometimes I wonder if I should seek the help of a shaman of sorts to help me out of this spell which really poisons and robes me of my life force?…”
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About julienmatei
I feel an inner urge to express what I see, to communicate and share with others all these impressions. Often the things I see are there, not yet manifest, but waiting... to be observed, talked about, and embraced.
These new insights need another approach, a more vivid curiosity...
Due to fear and prejudice we prefer to see only "the official" truth - but THE OFFICIAL TRUTH IS DEAD - being dead, it has nothing to give...
We can continue pretending Death is fascinating or... we can take the trouble to LIVE...
THE NEW has no definition yet...
Again, IT requires another "perception", the courage to apprehend everything differently, from a totally new angle, with new confidence and inquisitive touch. This blog is not about interesting concepts, it is about participation... finding new solutions, inspiration, togetherness.
Mirrors of Encounters 
I have had thoughts similar to those expressed by your reader. For decades it seemed that all I endeavored to do was thwarted by some unseen force. I can understand the tendency to attribute this ‘trend’ to sin and forces of darkness, but I now believe the forces are much more visible and discernible than I previously imagined. [The following is some of the story of my own journey. I cannot pretend to answer your reader’s ‘questions’, but I am glad to share my own experience. I am responsible for me, and I honor others’ self-responsibility and capacity.]
Within the last few years I have gained greater clarity on how my conditioning as a child impacted my life for decades. My situation involved what I have found to be a not-so-uncommon set of circumstances. The persons who purportedly ‘loved’ me, the ones upon whom I depended for survival itself — food, shelter, and clothing, were actually providing me with a steady ‘diet’ of abuse. My parents’ relationship became severely strained early in my life, and became increasingly volatile as time went on. The fear-gripped unpredictability became the only predictable characteristic of my life.
My father raged in alcohol-induced tirades that resulted in physical and emotional abuse, much of which was directed at me, but other family members were subjected to the same. My mother spiraled into confusing insanity (from which she has yet to recover) as she attempted to maintain a ‘sociable’ image for the family, and to protect us children the best she could. [However, I question that; because she never opted to remove herself or us from an increasingly dangerous, potentially lethal situation.] The contradictions were too much for me to comprehend. For many years, this was my ‘normal’. And I carried fears, confusion, behavior patterns, and a sickening sense of impending doom with me into my own relationships and interactions.
Recently, I have been able to recognize and articulate a key element in this hellish ‘ride’ of mine. It became clear to me that ‘abuse’ and ‘dependency’ (also often described as ‘love’) are inseparably linked. It is not possible for one upon whom I am not dependent to ‘abuse’ me. Sure, I can be injured by others upon whom I am not dependent, but my ‘soul’ is opened to others when I depend on them. My childhood conditioning left scars on my soul that have taken years to ‘stretch’…so that I could regain (actually GAIN for the first time) mobility and freedom.
Because of my early experiences, shame, suspicion, and blame were my constant companions. I was ‘raised’ by shame-filled, hyper-suspicious, blamers; what else might I have become? I had perfectly normal human reactions to a totally fucked up, dysfunctional ‘family system’. This led to many years of darkness and struggle for me. It impacted every aspect of my life. Yet, I have come to realize that I didn’t create my early experiences, and I cannot change them. But I AM responsible in this moment, and I CAN affect my life as I move forward and recognize that I am not “in prison”.
Blame and dependency are SO interwoven into the fabric of ‘modern’ civilization. I choose not to live like I was taught to live. But that choice came with the ‘price’ of years of pain and self-doubt, darkness and self-deprecation, ‘sinful’ condemnation and self-blame. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. How do I want to live it?
Take what you can use, and leave the rest.
Best wishes to all who pass by here.
Peace…
Thank you for your generosity to share your life story.
“For decades it seemed that all I endeavored to do was thwarted by some unseen force.” I so recognize this in my own experience too.
“Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
Such skill, dedication, inhuman effort – and at the same time efortlessness -, trust and courage to let the past die. Totally, irrevocably, completely.
Nothing less but emptying oneself of one´s specific life experience, memory, conditioning. Only venturing to die will save one from this Chaos handed down through generations….
Reblogged this on Mirrors of Encounters and commented:
I find this very thought-provoking.