The ultimate egoic fear – renunciation

To renounce and give up “everything” is about understanding that eventually there is no time, no becoming, nothing to get outwardly which is not inherently within, consequently, there is nothing one can get from “others”.

Masters of dissimulation

Mirrors of Encounters

It happens sometimes that you come across someone friendly who shares your interest to grow, to build a meaningful contact, maybe a friendship.

This person may show intelligence, even talent, he can have valuable insights. He can write, he can listen. He seems interested to investigate in that particular field, he can even come up with relevant feed back, to cut it short, you seem to have reached a consensus, when bum!… – out of the blue you understand that the words of this person meant absolutely nothing. That the whole discussion was phony, that you have given precious time to an unsound and reckless sham who has misused your time and your trust, and there you are again…left alone, suspended in disappointment, in the hollowness of his mendacity.

These impostors are more dangerous than any con-man:

They are shrewd and can flawlessly display a wide range of great qualities: talent…

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It takes relentless failure

…till you realize that
It can never fail you…

Man and his search for the ultimate

Utterly speaking, every human being longs consciously or unconsciously for wholeness. For totality – which is the fulness and ultimate meaning of Life.

The hardest problem to fathom though is that no matter how noble or ignoble your action, totality remains eternally unattainable.
Yet it´s nearer than your breath. But simply cannot be reached deliberately. No undertaking will take you there…- indeed, no effort, goodwill, hard work or discipline.

Fear – the foundation of our very human identity

Fear is incredibly adamant. Inflexible and obstinate. If fear equates separation, ego does anything to stubbornly protect its fallacy. Its wrong view. Its being special entails being addictive to suffering, anxiety and sorrow. Fear is conflict-based. So wrong view cannot exist without adversity. Without tribulation and misfortune. It shape-shifts from lamentable victim to reckless perpetrator.

It coexists with punishment, and unless it finds an outer target to rebuke, it punishes itself. Through disease. Psychic or bodily ailment…Fear is accordingly not something to easily dismiss, as it is usually the very foundation of human endeavour…

Fear is what keeps all systems afloat, be it political, religious or sponsoring any other form of ideation and ideology. Fear is actually responsible for all this madness we take for life and living. Even what most humans call Love, is, of course, a modified form of fear. All in all, it vehemently refuses to look into its twisted nature. Whatever it undertakes, is therefore, another expression of evading itself…

Everything I say here has taken me years to figure out through relentless observation of others, and above all, of myself.

The sham of all shams

Humans find a secret pleasure in tormenting themselves. They love and are addicted to their problems, conflicts and keep away in every possible way from Joy, Communication, Togetherness. What’s worst is that no one is prone to admit it, but vehemently claim they want love, nearness, peace…What a formidable bullshit.

Is suffering eventually about self-infliction?

I really felt his unrest…He was visibly suffering – caught in angst and unease. I made my best to come through to him, in simple and obvious words. Despite my sympathy and benevolence, he could not hear me. Or didn´t want to….

Anything is everything

But who would belive that?…- insofar as this insight suspends
all categories as to what is more or less “valid”…

Klimt and the hairdresser

I usually go to a downtown cafe where I sit watching the passersby, attempting to capture in ink their ineffable movement. Next door, there is a hairdresser shop. There works a gorgeously looking woman. Very expressive – she reminds of one of the women painted by Gustav Klimt. Sometimes she says hello, but mostly she pretends not to see me.

Incidentally, a friend went to her to have his hair cut. Imagine what this woman confessed to him:

– You know, I am so fascinated by this man who paints at the cafe. I watch him for hours on end behind the window curtain. I´d so much like to talk to him. To ask him to draw me. But I do not dare…I am ashamed. Alas… – I am so afraid to live…


A night out

I was curious so I went to this new opened club.

Instead of music there was some kind of idiotic and undifferentiated vile noise. I took a drink and looked around with unprejudiced eyes. It was so blatant: No one had fun. Yet everyone feigned to be ecstatic. Overjoyed. On Facebook of course,

What a fauna: guys with nonsensical haircuts, expensive shirts, but empty glances; women with disgracefully bare thighs, bloated boobs and ripped pants…Their femininity was as fictitious as their lips, their fake eyelashes and their absurdly high-flown demeanour.

Fake, fake, fake…that´s the name of the game. A huge parade of zealous wankers.

I went away a quarter later. With the distinct feeling that I´d had a bad dream.