We can live an extraordinary life – if we dare reach out to each other in truth

My words are never ingratiating, and unlike many, I am not afraid to openly state the uncomfortable truth. As you may imagine, it is a truly lonely and, most of the times, thankless undertaking to express glaringly obvious things which are often politely or even fiercely rejected.

I do ask myself what´s the use of it all…- how come I don´t give up writing on this blog. But this “Inner Voice” of mine, is seemingly stronger than my rational self, and despite my soul-weariness, it asserts itself unceasingly…

Indeed, it feels unbearably lonely when the Voice is silent. I can tell you that It has saved me in the midst of unthinkable tribulations. So It simply wants me to further convey Its words to others who may need and want to hear it.

Its alleviating and even comforting impact in my own life, bears evidence of its safety bringing benevolence.

So, as it happens, Thomas Ross commented on one of my posts. His heartfelt words bears a vivid testimony that, after all, my writing not only may bring about a meaning for me, but can make a difference in someones else´s life. So inexpressibly encouraging to know!

Thank you Tom!

Here are his words:

“I am sitting in my home, listening to classic jazz – at the moment, Chet Baker – drinking a single malt, and I came here.

I was caught up by the concluding passage – “Our true home is wonder…and the knowing of this makes us safe…” In this moment, I am alone, in the ordinary sense. But as you say, we are each alone, existing in each wondrous moment – whether we are in a crowd, among friends – always just I, myself.

So many feel the terror of aloneness. But the sense of aloneness that I take from your work is nothing to fear. It is a kind of safety – although I’m not sure I would use that word – of course, what matter? the word. What matters is the willingness to step off the cliff. To turn away from all the false conceptions and the striving that each such conception triggers.

As I’ve told you before, you seem incapable of saying an ordinary thing about anything, which of course is one of the reasons I stop by. But perhaps the bigger reason is the hard-to-explain sense that amidst all the self-help bloggers and the love/human connection disciples, you stand as one who feels a truly deep sense of connection to others, that you just won’t give up trying to express what you know we don’t want to hear.”

Being courteous can sometimes be fatal

Some two weeks ago, I was sitting and writing at a cafe. A guy I know came to me and invited me over to his table, he was sitting together with his son.

I declined politely, I was in no particular mood for conversation being absorbed in my ideas.

So he stood by my table a little while and we changed a few words though. He told me about his son. The young man, I found out, was autistic. Very special. He could play the piano well, and had an incredible memory. It was enough for him to hear whatever tune, and he would just play it right away.

“You know”, he went on, ” he has also this amazing capacity – he feels people instantly. If he detects any negativity, he refuses to talk, he just walks away.” I admit, he sparked my interest. I was curious to see how the guy would react to my presence. As I felt how my inspiration had faded, and as they also were about to leave, I told him I could just come over to their table and greet his son.

The son was anxiously sitting waiting for his father. “This is Julien Matei, a friend of mine, he is also a pianist, I just wanted you to say hello.” Out of the blue, the young man raised brusquely from his chair, looking angry and conspicuously disturbed. His attitude was anything but equivocal:

“No, I don´t want to talk to you, go to hell, leave me alone!” he shouted.
“Yes…but Julien is a friend, he is nice…” tried the father…
“God damn it, don´t you hear, I want to go home!”

At first I was taken aback by his vehement response. It was fiercely unfriendly and
ill-mannered. But…

I LOVED IT!

Really…I had never witnessed a more atrociously true demeanor. Uncouth yes,
but unambiguously frank…Rarely did someone move me the way this autistic boy did. What a lesson of dignity and integrity…

My parents – especially my mother – brought me up to be nice and amiable with everybody. But this undifferentiated courtesy of mine has throughout my life been perversely inappropriate – a jinx really.

This inadequate politeness has been really disastrous. It has made that I allowed different bastards to use and take advantage of my friendliness and benevolence. I should have walked away instantly many times. But being taught to be courteous, I have wasted precious time with different people who just deserve a healthy, liberating and prompting FUCK OFF or GO TO HELL.

It would have been much more dignified, fair and emotionally correct.

But finally… – this autistic boy has taught me the right lesson.