Society today

They all try to be someone, to be important. To stand out. To be successful.

They are so filled with their petty self-importance, so there is no chance to reach
them: everybody is behaving as if being some kind of fucking VIP.

“Communicating with me for real…? Forget it! Don´t you know that it is impossible to get to me…? After all, I am aware that inside of me I am hollow, a nobody really, and have to work hard to mask my futility and impotence…That´s why I make everything difficult and strained, in order to conceal  my insignificance.  Straightforwardness and honesty make me feel uneasy. Transaprency likewise – truth is a terrible blow to my vainglory. Coherence?…I hate it, it makes me think. If what you say is not enough twisted and fucked up, it has no relevance.”

Indeed, they are often nobody, wretched souls, and yet they play superior! They often know nothing for real, yet behave as models for others, that´s the thing which is so
immensely irritating and paradoxical.

People are so madly infatuated with the idea of succeeding. But let´s face it,
only losers strive for success.

The real successful person is successful now, feeling gratefulness, fulfillment and contentment this very moment.

But nobody is fulfilled and so they all strive. There are no real successful people left today, no matter how rich or resounding names they have. 

They are all hauntingly busy to chase their fucking ideal, no matter if they trample on corpses.

Chasing success does nothing but enhancing and constantly reinforcing distance and isolation. People are already isolated, living in cages, but want to “stand out” even more.

Recklessness everywhere. Unspeakable isolation. Narcissism of the worst kind.
Nobody is really interested in anything other than showing off. Everything has
become some kind of witless hoax, a sham – they are all stuck in an imbecile grin
of a pose.

They all mimic life, you have the vivid impression that you are partaking in a
furiously maddening charade.

Really, sometimes I am ashamed to be part of this idiotic age. I am ashamed to witness
how people renounce every trace of common sense and intelligence, conforming to a way of living which is nothing but pure insanity.

Really, it has become unbearable. There is nowhere you can hide anymore.

My question is:

Can´t you all for a change stop this masquerade, you morons?…Who the hell are you playing this cheap idiotic theater for…? Aren´t you tired of this intolerable dissimulation?
What gain is it really to be a wreck but playing successful?…

The hell with all lies and hypocrisy.

Stop feigning! Have the guts to denounce and take a break from this farce!

Better suffer and be yourself than entertaining this abominable imposture.

Dare to be yourself for a change, cause only then you are someone real.

What are we longing for really?…

Everybody is longing for something.

Quite obvious, Yearning is the motivation behind every person´s action.

I don´t remember someone to have ever questioned this, but
I see myself compelled to look into the very nature of yearning,
as longing has only brought me overwhelming sorrow and distress.

It is so paradoxical – the more I longed the less I received. No matter what.

The more I longed for something the more distance I created between me and
the desired thing.

Really, yearning has felt like a curse. The more yearning, the more sorrow
I received. Invariably, the more unfulfilled I felt.

So after so many years of pondering, I seem to have come to some kind
of insight about this. What happens is that WHEN WE YEARN, WE CREATE TIME repudiating here and now, reinforcing the separation between our desire and its fulfillment.

It comes down to this: if you want something or someone, you have to stop yearning,
raising the most uncomfortable question:


What is fulfillment ultimately?

Can it be that whatever longing, is longing after the ineffable Oneness, with Yourself…

Longing enhances duality, and  AS LONG AS WE ARE CAUGHT IN DUALITY,
we will most likely indulge in even more suffering and distress.

I wish I had a clear answer on this, but as far as I can see
if we want to realize what we long for, we have to stop longing and “reach out” for that very inexplicable state of initial non-duality – oneness – which is our most truthful nature. 

If I say “Oneness”, for most people this word will sound like a total absurdity – a mere lifeless concept – that´s the difficult part since very few humans have ever tasted what
Oneness entails.

We have to start living as if duality didn´t exist.

In plain language, if you want to have what you yearn for, you have to drop yearning, “reaching”- that is, being in – a state of veritable, unfeigned contentment AS IF YOU ALREADY HAD ALREADY THAT DESIRED THING. Once feeling dignity and contentment, you will have a fairly better chance to fulfill your longing. 

Does it make sense…?

To Live Is To Know

Most people are afraid of life.

Always choosing out of fear – which they call necessity -, they never find their real vocation. They never learn anything for real.

If they did, they wouldn´t be so poor inside, so greedy, so haunted, so remarkably stingy and self-centered.

When you really live and trust life – that is, when you have done away with fear – you know and you find. Real knowledge gives you a sense of peace, of certainty, of ease, indeed, of contentment.

Inner contentment makes you generous.


Happiness is The Real You

I envy your Joy. It must be wonderful to feel so fulfilled. How do you do it?

My Answer:

Is happiness about “doing”?
Can you “do” happy?…No…for sure, one can only BE happy…At the same time, to many people, “happy” sounds like an unreachable abstraction…

The kind of happiness I am talking about is beyond opposites. This happiness can never be unhappy. It is there all the time, but it has no address – it is not to be found within either subtle or mundane logic, shortly, it is the ineffable point between extremes, beyond Yes and No…Happiness has “no mind”…It is neither “knowing” nor “un-knowing”.

Happiness does never aspire. Wherever it looks it sees itself – there are no goals to achieve as every second is happy. It is always Now, that is, timeless…
You see, happiness is not thought. Thought arises and goes, happiness never arises and never goes…

It´s a very hard undertaking to speak about something which doesn´t lend itself to words – I am caught in more or less vacuous approximations.
Only your readiness to read – so to say – between the lines, will capture the essence of these words of mine.

So is there a way, is there after all some kind of pointer to “perennial” Joy?

Let´s go into the “immediate” reality almost everybody is confronted with. You are very much aware that Loss is what most people experience in this earthly existence.

Along with that, life for most humans means struggle, loneliness, sorrow, confusion. Undeniably, everyone tries to improve the state of things. So we work hardly on the outward in order to change the inward. We are convinced that action will make us happy. Pure illusion.

Again, we cannot “do” happy! We might experience some relief and contentment after achieving things, but very soon we are there again – in the same inner despondency.

So the first step in the “right” direction is the spontaneous understanding of this: no matter how high the aspiration, it will take us no further than Our Projection of joy or contentment. PROJECTION IS NOT REALITY. It is vital to see and accept this fact.

We have to stop aspiring and ACCEPT the hopelessness of our human predicament when it comes to what is beyond our reach. That would be unbearable for most people, as life would feel hellish without something to strive for. When I say accept, I don´t mean a volitional act, the kind of acceptance I talk about, would rather mean to “let go” with no effort…”Thy will be done”…sort of thing. Surrender.

It is about learning to stay with what it is, without aspiring. Easier said than done, especially when you are in the midst of pain and shortcomings…

When you manage to stay in this kind of non selective acceptance, you will be able to watch closely both the outside and the inside with full attention. You will mind-fully follow everything in a kind of choice-less state.
It´s a kind of “continuously-discontinuous” watchfulness. In this unaccountable attention, you will realize that everything there is, is not more than a second long…

Trust me – the second is all there is.

Witnessing this second with no purpose, desire or personal “involvement” – you realize that the real You, is not confined to thoughts, or emotions – you may feel lack, frustration and impending sorrow, but you will be able to dis-identify from every shortage…Most likely you will encounter a lot of pain and affliction in this journey, the challenge is to cope with it with no resistance…

It may take weeks, months, years…It can happen now…I have started this unaccountable journey when I was 18, and first these last days I have realized this unutterable Freedom. Or maybe it has found me…

Happiness is a state with no object. When happy, whatever you consider feels more or less the same. You can enjoy without any clinging – who can give you what you already have?…

Happiness is simplicity. It is the key to everything.

Happiness is the realization of who You really are…

A whole life in a day

Today I woke up around 5 o´clock in the morning, feeling incredibly clear-minded, peaceful and well-rested despite only few hours sleep.

Throughout the whole day, this blessed inner state stayed with me. An unspeakable quietude, inner stability, a kind of uncommon joy that was in no need to be expressed or shared.

It feels like I lived a whole life to get to know such a perfect state of quiescence. Epiphany…Indeed, a whole life for a day…

I couldn´t believe my senses. Usually one has this kind of peace and delightful ease after some big achievement. But nothing “special” had happened. In fact it was a rather cold and rainy day, when you have all reasons to feel gloomy; but there I was – feeling a million dollar joy with no particular reason.

I suppose that this indescribable state of inner contentment is the thing humans run after the whole life trying to achieve it through hard work, struggling and competing.

But lo, there it was, this magic connection with the ineffable moment, this grace that is not the outcome of anything – no effort and no strife, no outward fulfillment could ever provoke it. It is like being in love with Love – as no person in this world could ever bring about such a height, dignity and loftiness of presence. Rest… Celestial Rest.

Love is here Now…It breathes through our breath. Love is ceaselessly whispering…


We don´t feel it…We don´t dare to know this…We run further indulging and creating “more time”, more “self-knowledge”, more illusion, more distance and unhappiness.

I was smiling inwardly asking tacitly the passersby: Please, stay a moment, rest and breath a while, give yourself this precious chance… – there is nothing worth running away to…This second is everything there is.

LIFE IS NOW….LOVE IS NOW. To live is to love. Love is indiscriminate so there is no such thing as “better or worse”, love will never judge. Neither is there “distant or close”, as
LOVE IS FOR EVER NEAR, for ever Now…

Who would believe me?…

Would you…?

About dissatisfaction and search for a solution


I have a counter question for you. What would you say to a person who cannot find any solid reason for dissatisfaction while feeling it acutely, who searches for something without knowing what it is?


That is the hardest issue to come to terms with: to identify the seemingly un-identifiable.

Of course we can find innumerable reasons for feeling this acute dissatisfaction; but even if we knew and could clearly define what it is we are dealing with,
it would make no difference – the inner reality would still remain the same, the same discontent lurks invariably, and sooner or later we would still have to face it…

Easier said than done…I speak from own experience…

When it finds itself in pain, the mind is hardly searching for a way out of the problem, a solution… – but every solution the mind has in store, reinforces the inner conflict, as whatever solution is within the range of “the old,” every solution is with other words, constant reiteration of  ”the known”…Understand that whatever we know is old. Knowledge, and the instruments of our knowledge – definitions, names, rules, different approaches – are dead things…

Now – how can something old understand and validate something ever new and alive like your dissatisfaction…? Stay with my words for a second…and ponder…

It boils down to this: The mind is frantically searching to solve the problem It itself has created. It is like quenching the fire with fire. It is a paradox: Attempting intensely to find a solution, worsens the problem, as trying to solve it means escaping the problem…If you’re stuck  in quicksand the more you move the worse it gets…

So I come back to my initial question:

“Can I, can you – venture to lovingly confront and stay with this ache without trying to flee from it…?”

Staying with this ache in full awareness and non-selective Presence, is to be with the problem, sincerely and indiscriminately connecting to it, living with it, loving it like a wounded child…In due time, when understanding that it is no point in fleeing, you will hear something…Something like a whisper from inside, something very subtle which will give you spontaneous answers…It can be very simple things… – out of this intimate contact, the most common things will feel like wondrous novelty – a step, a glance, drinking a glass of water…it doesn´t matter what…

Don´t have any expectations yet, follow the process step by step for the time being.
After you have acquired the skill of unconditional inner listening, you will know undoubtedly what it all is about…

Don’t see your dissatisfaction like an impediment, – even if it´s hard – consider it your potential!

The Glorious Unseen

Isn´t it funny?

I searched for answers my whole life. When I most ardently needed them, they never came.
When I ceased to want any, they came. Like tonight…

There I was, feeling how the answers came…but not wrapped in words, but folded in the most delicate and ethereal quietness. Oh, that ineffable calm which transcends all thought…

They came when I had given up…without really being aware I had let go of everything in that moment…So who was there…? Me perceiving them, or they perceiving me…?

Such an incredible unshakable assuredness:

As my ego was absent, I literally felt that Life exists beyond form, and through contact with this unspeakable perennial formlessness, all manifested forms pale…Not that the manifested isn´t real or important, but I realized like never before, that Joy, Happiness and real Contentment are not to be found at the level of manifested form, but beyond, in the Unseen.

I am very much aware that without a personal experience of this, what I say now seems totally preposterous and far-fetched. I cannot expect you to believe me on this, but as my surname is Matei, 🙂 I will take the risk and ask permission to say the following:

Give up your ego, and in that humbleness seek and await the Glorious Unseen, and in that Joy that transcends all thought, all things you dream about will be given you.

What is your heart-meaning?

You cannot “think” your purpose and your specific meaning in your life. Meaning is “delivered” through your heart. Meaning is consequently a matter of feeling. Only when you are in contact with your true emotion – your particular Meaning -, life makes sense.

Meaning cannot be sought in Things, in the exterior world. Of course you can seek It there, but sooner or later, you won’t find anything but deception and disappointment. Unfortunately, that´s what most people do: they solely search for meaning outside themselves. They define their life, through doing and through possession: my hardly acquired position, my hardly acquired beautiful and expensive wife :P, my hardly acquired self-image…But what happens when they lose the wife, job or position?…

If you take a close look at people, you will realize something very basic: in their crazy race for “more”, they all are looking for themselves. There are two things they are hardly seeking for: Happiness and Meaning. Nay, there is ONLY ONE THING, namely, they insanely struggle for MEANING. Because when you are in touch with meaning, you are happy!

Ultimately, the satisfaction they all are chasing, is in fact the contentment of being in touch with meaning, with Being. Sadly, most humans don´t know this, no one told them…

THIS CONTENTMENT IS NOT A RESULT of whatever action – as they think -, BUT THE STARTING POINT. To learn to be at ease NOW…

Cause when you feel meaning, like small children do, a sip of clear water will fill you with gratitude, whatever gesture makes you happy, whatever you do, you do with joy, in short, you no longer are greedily chasing things, as you won´t take your possessions for your identity. Feeling your real meaning and identity, makes your eyes open and you will find your place in this world, with the right job, partner, friends…

This is the most vital and precious question for each one of us now.

If you don´t know who you are, you can´t possibly know what your specific meaning is. Or vice versa: If you don´t know what your meaning is, you don´t know who you are. From this perspective, you can see clearly that our howling unhappiness, is the outcome of not finding the appropriate place within and in this world.
This mad search for identity and meaning, our failing to recognize who we really are, is the biggest issue…