She:
“I am very sensitive, it’s been the bane of my life. Although few would believe it. I’m very good at hiding that part of me with my boisterous personality. I don’t listen to the news or read newspapers because all I see around me is how inhuman people can be. I just can’t take it. It plays havoc with my mind. Every day is a struggle for me against the terrible thoughts that flash through my head. I don’t know anyone else who thinks this way. I’ve always assumed something is wrong with me.
It must be difficult to accept solitude. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it. You see I don’t want to be alone. I want someone to care. I want to be able to spill my inner thoughts and feelings to someone, and still be secure in their friendship. Do you understand?”
Me:
Accepting solitude is not easy. And yet, only in solitude can the mind empty itself
from all false relation, retrieving its freshness and pervasive clarity.
“I want someone to care”, you say. “I want to be able to spill my inner thoughts and feelings to someone, and still be secure in their friendship.”
You see, as long as we search for well-being through “another”, projecting our sense of security on the outside, sooner or later, we are bound to be let down.
At the end of the day, WHO IS THIS “SOMEONE” YOU LOOK FOR, BUT YOU…?
You have to be your best friend, before someone else is…
As I said earlier, you have to start befriending yourself, that is, finding gradually the longed-for security within, IN YOUR OWN FRIENDSHIP TO YOURSELF.
And once you do that, there might be a chance that you find someone who has undergone the same process of inner “ransacking”.
So the real question is why you keep hiding your sensitivity…The more we hide our emotions, the more we think, it´s a fact. The more suppressed emotions, the more flourishes the destructiveness of our Mind, can you see that?…
The inhuman-ness going on around you, mirrors your own hopeless struggle against your own emotions. The moment you begin accepting and embracing your positive and negative emotions, you will find relief…And feeling relief, you can see the world in a total new perspective…
Whatever you see around you, will simply affect you less, once you start feeling some
well-deserved alleviation.
Gently… – start looking at the relation between emotion and thought:
Troubled emotions, troubled thoughts.
I could tell you easily that YOUR REAL SELF, is neither troubled emotions nor these unsettling thoughts, but you probably wouldn´t believe me at this stage. My words cannot help. You simply have to face directly this experience.
For now!
Look closely at what you think with no resistance, preference or fear:
Can you naturally disidentify from those “terrible thoughts flashing through your mind”,
knowing that THEY ARE NOT YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT THEM…?
Can you say: “These thoughts are happening, but they are not me…?
These feelings are scary, but they are not WHO I AM…”
I know it´s easier said than done, but look at your thoughts as if they were some kind of random film, no longer ascribing them such vital importance.
To round off, it´s good for you to formulate your thoughts. Express them in whatever way
you find constructive and suitable. Find a way to express your sensitivity!
Above all, STOP HIDING YOU FROM YOURSELF!
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