So what is a true encounter?

…he eagerly asked.

Me:
It´s mirror encountering mirror.

What does this entail?…The mirror is empty, isn´t it? As such, it can reflect anything with no preference. With no resistance. With no strife. Eventually, where there is mind – that is, an interest – there is no empathy. Empathy is recognizing the other as being a continuation of you. And if the other is another side of you, a real encounter creates a nourishing energy, a momentum, a joy which heals, soothes and inspires…Two mirrors becoming actually One…

If…

…you are fortunate to meet someone healthy, amiable, educated but empathic, only then do you realize the formidable jinxes you have hitherto dealt with.

No one on his deathbed ever said “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

Here is a great article by Dr. Rodger Duncan:

No one on his deathbed ever said “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

Don’t get me wrong. Work is a wonderful thing. It can be very fulfilling and can provide meaningful service to others. But personal relationships are the most important things in our lives. It’s through relationships with others that we learn about ourselves, about how to make choices, how to self correct, how to grow and develop, how to contribute to the human community, how to turn dreams into reality.
And listening is the most important behavior in those relationships. Really listening. This requires using your eyes and your heart as well as your ears. Effective people listen to learn and understand rather than to rebut and overpower. They exercise influence rather than authority. They’re willing to be influenced rather than assuming that the views of others should always be subservient to theirs.

A comic once said that authentic communication is 50% sincerity, and then you just fake the rest. That line may get a chuckle, but it’s a dangerous practice. Genuine listening is much, much more than eye contact and an occasional “uh-huh.” Genuine listening involves connecting heart to heart and working to understand the other person’s viewpoint even if you don’t agree with it.

Listening with true empathy is the best kind of listening. Most people don’t want sympathy. They want empathy, which is all about understanding.

I love the story of the little girl who was late coming home. Her mother was worried. When the little girl finally arrived, she explained that she had stopped to be with a friend whose doll was broken. “Oh, did you help her fix her dolly?” her mother asked. “No,” replied the little girl, “I helped her cry.”

Listening with empathy is not some touchy-feely, warm-and-fuzzy behavior. It’s the key to effective human relationships. The best teachers listen with empathy because they know you can’t teach effectively without knowing where the learners are. The best doctors listen with empathy because they know that prescribing without properly diagnosing is simply bad medicine.

The best business people listen with empathy because they know that filling customer needs is the path to success. The best parents listen with empathy because they know that raising children requires on-the-job training and that important clues to family health can come from the mouths of babes.

Happy and effective people tend to be good conversationalists. And the best conversationalists are usually people who ask good questions. They don’t interrogate, they simply ask meaningful questions that other people are willing to answer. People who are really good at engaging the heads, hearts, and hopes of others tend to ask questions that evoke that engagement. And when they ask their good questions, they actually listen to the answers.

We are most effective when we talk so other people will listen and when we listen so other people will talk. It’s a common sense thing. Unfortunately, common sense is not all that common.

We are afraid to die cause we don´t really live now

Jane:
I am learning to walk in the middle of this messy chaotic world. We are all swimming in the stream of universal suffering. Learning to find joy in this tear ridden stream is liberating. Facing my grief about all the sadness I see in the world is requiring me take a look around. It is not only “I” who know this pain, because grief is our universal experience.

Coming face to face with my own humanity has been quite painful. I do not want to die, just like all other beings on this earth. This sorrow “I” feel about all my losses is like a stream that runs in the underpinnings of all our lives. I am shining Light into the darkness, discovering my truths in the experience of my own suffering. There is no time to waste. This morning I am here, this afternoon I could be gone from the earth. I am working with the bones of loss – my mortality.

My answer:
When we say “death”, what is it we actually fear…?

Everything we do, happens in the shadow of Death. We have to learn to promptly and thoroughly delve and discover what loss, respectively, what Death is about. There is no other way to do that but through own experience, through direct confrontation.

Unless we face this huge counterpart of life which is death, we will be afraid to live, we will know nothing about a real Life. Nothing essential.  We will never know either what Love, Joy, Creativity, Empathy are about.

What are we holding to really?… As we know nothing about the nature of death, it is not death we fear, WE ARE AFRAID OF OUR THOUGHT OF IT. Our thought is the very fear to die.

Can we see this?…Do we dare inquire?…openly, without any prejudice or impatience, without any urge to draw a hasty conclusion…? Can we look our fear in the eye without finding half-hearted answers…?

Can we concomitantly find out what our thoughts and thinking is about? Because – isn´t it so – if thinking didn´t exist, fear as we know it, wouldn´t exist either. Fear is consequently the gap between “what is” and “what it could be”.

If we understood wholly and thoroughly “what is”, would “what could be” have any effect on us any longer?

Let´s face it… – Death is constant renewal, the losing of the known.

So, at the end of the day it is not Death we fear but Life…Living…

We are afraid to lose “the known” – our experience, suffering, memory, identity – and confront“ the unknown”, which is undivided Life here and now…

Can we delve now into this “unknown” and with an unbiased mind find out?