Estrangement…from our secret “I”

I find myself many times confused and rather estranged having no clue what the next step is.

In those moments of inner confusion and turmoil, I may look through the things written in my blog, realizing with amazement that I GAVE MYSELF ANSWERS earlier, but first now I am able to “digest” them.

Stephanie Jill Rudd:
Oh I so like this. There are so many things I resonate with. Especially the estrangement and the difficulty in expressing…finding words to describe what comes to us as a whole sense sensation and not just words is soooo difficult!! I also find it takes me time to understand what I have written many years before…its like time has to unfurl and then the “me” catches up with it!

Me:
That´s the right word: estrangement…Estrangement from the one we really are.

Isn´t it so…?
Everything is a constant surprise, but the biggest one is the moment when you “catch up” with yourself, as if some parts of you knew, before you realize you know.

This uncontrollable “I” is the best part of me.

If we had the readiness to understand more of this unaccountable inner process…Indeed, those ineffable parts of our psyche which function outside time and space…
That autonomous part in me has its own ways, and I confess, it baffles me invariably.

Alas, the limited cannot understand the limitless, likewise, we cannot approach the unfathomable with the fathomable – that´s the difficult part. If we want to know anything valuable. we have to be willing to empty ourselves of whatever we think we know…

Such a paradox attempting to put in words something it really doesn´t lend itself to verbalization…

Yet…we try.

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We…in everyone

There we were. The four of us, together.

We let each other in each other´s moment, in each other’s yearning. Without fear, without thought, with no reflection.
We were silent. What delightful wonder. We let the dormant whiff of trust embrace us.

Who was who? Who became who?

Yes, that was nearness, but a glorious estrangement at the same time. We were close, but far from each other, both here and nowhere.
Oh, what I have dreamed about this, about feeling that ineffable rest not only in myself but with others. Now it happened.
This so vibrant and permissive silence, this so beneficient presence in which we all became one body.

Yes, we became even more ourselves, feeling taken care by both this enigmatic presence, and by this sweet alienation. The secret Face was mirroring us.

We were we in everyone .

Everyone was We …