Forgive us today for the things we never did

A meaningful dialogue about thinking, resentment and pain

She writes:
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about you and everything you’ve said to me thus far. You’re very weird. In a good way – big grin. But I wonder sometimes whether thinking too deeply about “the point of it all” is what is in the way of just being. Have you noticed the people who go through life selfishly, without a care for those around them seem quite content? Sometimes I wish I could function without fear of the consequences of my actions, without continuously beating myself up about my past. If it isn’t something I can change there is no point is there? And yet, my trips down memory lane grow frequent, without my consent. How does one let go of all this bitterness? Be free of all the resentment and pain?

Forgive me for my ramblings, I do not of course expect you to have all the answers (then you’d be God) just wondering out loud.

Me:
For the record, people who are selfish are the victims of their fear, and basically they don´t care for others, because they have no clue to what Love is…They play so, but they are never content, it´s just a superficial mask.

So I forgive you for your ramblings, because you happen to ramble interestingly 🙂
I don´t have all the answers, or do I…? 🙂 I may be God and don´t know it yet…

No, but really, I have “answers”, and the applying of these answers on myself,
have brought about this incredible process of deep transformation I am unfolding.

Here is the deal:

“Thinking” can never be “deep”. Simply because thinking is a mechanical repetition of the past through the never-ending sequence of memory. A constant reiteration of different experiences, reinforced through “remembrance”.

Thinking can only happen in time. And time and memory can never grasp the timeless. Can you see that…?

Now…If you are caught in thinking – that is, in time – whatever change you try to bring about will fail. No matter whatever “new” you will apply yourself to, you will continue with the same pattern in a different guise. That is what you say with “my trips down memory lane grow frequent, without my consent.”

The conditioning has you in its grip.

With other words, your past is stronger than your true sense of I-ness. But who you really are, is not a sum of your experiences.

“How does one let go of all this bitterness?”

Bitterness is your resistance to What is. Life consists of sorrow too, and at some point, you need to unreservedly meet your sorrow without any judgement. Trying to be free of “your dark side” doesn´t rid you of pain. You cannot be free of your resentment, unless you deliberately choose to stop fleeing your pain.

So delve…In plain langauge, learn to stay with What is, without any choice.
That´s a hard one, since we are masters in running away from ourselves.

“Sometimes I wish I could function without fear of the consequences of my actions,
without continuously beating myself up about my past.”

Psychological fear can exist only where there is division. Fear is the space between two thoughts, a gap between different aspects which your perception makes up.

Only you may know what “the consequences” would be, but if you want different consequences, you have to stop beating up yourself, that is, stop punishing yourself, or whoever you may think responsible for your plight, becoming aware of your secret wish to take revenge…

Hope my words mirror something meaningful in you 😉

Divine suspension

Just you and this discontinuous second… – the only thing existing.

In this unutterable second, there is nothing to remember, nothing to approach.
All there is, is Now. Just know:
Fear exists in your remembrance only – when you dare to forget, you naturally forgive both the future and your past.

When you forget you see the innocence in you and in the other. The other begins to see through the eyes of your own innocence. Only Fear is defensive through attack. That´s what fear is – attack! Innocence absolves and forgives without thought. The innocent You is defenceless as It´s free.

So forget, forgive, and set free.

A thought-provoking dialogue

In my opinion this is one of the most enlightening posts.

Me:

“There is a constant ache inside of me” you say…Can I, can you – venture to lovingly confront and stay with this ache without trying to flee from it…?
This burning need to be recognized as more than you are…What is this “more” about really? 

Yes, we need recognition, we need to be seen, be validated, be understood…But Who or What can validate or justify in-depth your existence but you?…

She:

Thank you for your thought-provoking comment. I have been trying to figure out how best to explain the “more”. I guess I just don’t want to feel as if I am leading a mediocre existence. I don’t want to be mediocre period. I my life needs to mean something. Yes, I know it is selfish but when I am gone, I want to be missed. Logically I know what you say is true, no one but me should be required to justify my existence, but knowing and accepting don’t necessarily go hand in hand. It’s like when you fall in love with someone you know will never love you back. We might recognize the futility of such emotions but can’t help our feelings anyway.

Me:

You see, you are already living in constant missing. And you project this missing in others – “I want to be missed.” Bad news: it sounds cynical, but no one will miss us when gone…The issue here is that you miss yourself – you miss the real contact with the core of your being. Can you see and admit this without resistance?…
As long as we are not connected with Self we live as if already “gone” …we have been taught since time immemorial to be out of touch with Source.
We live as if being dead.
I can tell you beyond doubt: You – the real you – are anything but mediocre. Your being away from yourself is mediocre. So be mediocre – see your disconnectedness and stay with it. Accept it! If you do, you will feel something – probably even more pain, but in due time, if you don´t give in, your inner light will start shining…

When you accept the futility of the disconnected ego, you get in touch with the unshakable immediate feeling that YOU MEAN SOMETHING NOW! Tricky business….as ego wants to be in control…It wants to go on suffering, it wants to punish and be punished…it goes against common sense:

“It’s like when you fall in love with someone you know will never love you back. We might recognize the futility of such emotions but can’t help our feelings anyway”. Do you hear what you say?…
You know those emotions demean you but obstinately linger in this predicament.

You can go on suffering – as suffering is the thing we know best – creating ever more distance to yourself. That´s what most of the people do…Spend their life in futile distance.

I don´t know if you manage to hear my words. When you say that you understand “logically” it means you don´t understand at all.

If you continue to want to suffer, suffer at least consciously…

Abondoning the false movie

I woke up in the middle of the night. In that moment it felt I knew something, but I didn´t know what I know. I have the insight but not the words …

One thing I know for sure : everything that exists, is “hiding” in this moment. This very Second incorporates everything we “seek”. But if we want this “pure Now” to have any effect and “take over” us, we must abandon the ego´s movie: blame and punishment, shame, remorse, and yes, even our search.

In real contact with this Now, there is nothing left to search for. Even “the quest for life” becomes an escape from facing oneself.
It´s like you have to even renounce your yearning, if you want your yearning fulfilled.

Daring to stay WITH, and IN that which is, taking care of your inner pain without words, explanations, or desire to “get better”, well, only then can healing occur …

It is absolutely imperative to forgive ourselves and others – forgiveness is breaking down the ego, it is the key to Peace and Freedom.