Where there is good, it´s not for me, where there is bad, here I come…

It is really scary, but conflict is inherent in Ego´s condition: It loves problems, confusion and senseless suffering. Its success is invariable failing.

It is quite an absurd thing to say, but the more I observe different people´s destinies, the more it seems to me that failing is almost a conscious choice with many. Of course, no one will ever admit that “Yes, I want to fail”, but that´s what happens mostly.

The best way to witness this “defect” in human nature is by watching the intimate relations people usually have. People who have nothing to do with each other date, become partners, make families, and bring their offsprings to this world.

Instead of choosing someone appropriate, it appears that many choose partners in order to punish or let themselves be punished by. Reciprocal punishment and imparity is usually called Love.
It is unbelievable to watch this phenomenon:

A woman I know confessed that “My former husband was a dork but he gave me three nice kids”. God damn it, I said, if you knew he was a dork, why did you marry him?…She shrugged her shoulders. When I heard about the later destinies of those “nice kids”, you felt like crying…How can those “kids” be normal out of two wrecks…?

Another lady friend of mine, instead of marrying the man she loved “you know, he was an artist” she picked up a wealthy guy instead. Needless to say they have never had a genuine relation, and after 25 years of reciprocal hell, they´re still “together” – they´ve totally spoiled each other´s life. Their kids although nice are terribly traumatized, have a hard time to find a way in life. One of their sons just married a woman he has nothing in common with. He repeats the same trauma, trying to mend his mother´s conflict…So the same old story goes on and on and on…For the record, my lady friend got together with her artist after 25 years but is still “married”. The artist never wanted to get involved with any other woman, so he missed the whole point with his life too…

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF ALL THIS INSIDIOUS DRAMAS, can someone enlighten me…? It is horrendously pathetic and absurd.

Tonight as I sat at my coffee place a young girl sat next to me, almost chatting me up.
“I don´t choose men I am attracted to, I choose protection” she confessed. She was expecting her boyfriend. When he came, he didn´t even see her, although he was just a meter away from our table. She repeatedly called his name, till he finally heard. She admitted just before he showed up:
“I would like a man like you, but you are too much like myself”.
What she meant was – I don´t want to be happy with someone like me, I need to be unhappy and have a hard time, in order to have something to do…

Women fall for dorks, and men for bitches.
I know some very nice and decent young good-looking girls, they have a hard time finding a boyfriend as – of course – men want to be punished by sluts…
Yes my friends, that´s the ego: instead of choosing Love,
it chooses trouble. Of course, for many, harmony and stability is boring, ego needs noise and restlessness, drama, false relations, affliction…It is always attracted to people who are evil, not to those ones they could love…

As my grandmother used to joke about people: where there is good, it´s not for me, where there is bad, here I come…

This post is especially dedicated to women

“How are you”, she asked with a charming and unusually spontaneous smile.
“I am actually very well, thanks”, I answered sincerely.

She works as a cashier at the grocery store I usually go to. She is gorgeous. Her eyes are shining like a squirrel, the line of her nose makes you dream, her lips voluptuously reminding of a ripe strawberry. She is blatantly sexy, I kind of lose my words every time I see her.

So there I was standing in the queue waiting for my turn to pay. She confessed:

“You know, I have such an unbearable head ache.” I looked at her attentively and answered:
“You think too much, don´t you?”
“Far too much…It goes on and on ceaselessly.” She couldn´t hide her being grateful, as she felt seen. So she went on. “Nothing good comes out of it. The more I think the worse it gets.”

“Take a break from thinking! Can´t you focus away your attention from your thoughts, looking randomly on whatever else for a change?” I asked, feeling rather awkward as there was an eager man behind me waiting for his turn.
“What shall I look at…? Everything feels the same… – boring, senseless.” Her tone was so sorrowful.
“I feel already like an old woman…Pretty soon I will be full of wrinkles.”

I was in shock when I heard this, I couldn´t believe my ears. So totally irrational. Unbelievable really. Not find a single reason for joy when there are so many good things in life…I just couldn´t figure it out what made such a good-looking girl in her mid twenties feel so hopelessly bored, disheartened and unhappy.

“Look at your mental wrinkles, deal with them instead!…” I told her, picking up the fruit I had bought. I touched a string, as she and the man behind me smiled nodding. “Yeah, these damn mental wrinkles – so true…”

Due to this episode, I realized tonight like never before that many beautiful women, bear an old, rigid, intolerant and unhappy old woman inside of them, who´s constantly crushing their confidence and yearning, poisoning their passion, vehemently stealing their precious youth…

Who is this old, irrational, unhappy ghost…?

Back to real Presence

People are not alert, they are not mindful to this very moment; they neither listen nor see what is happening NOW. They live in a state of constant aloofness, always on the run to God knows where, always being somewhere else. They are strangers… even in their own life, strangers even to their bodies.

It is so sad. You may see the most good-looking girls, with all the blessed feminine attributes and alas…you look into their eyes, and you realize with awe that they are not “at home”.
They´re totally uncomfortable in their bodies, they do not accept or know how to deal with their femininity; all their inner and outer attributes are more some kind of an ordeal to put up with, than something natural to enjoy.

It is a horrible nuisance to witness, but women have no real personality nowadays – as personality means presence – and what you see is “the same girl” in all girls around. Speaking and behaving the same way, same cloths, same haircuts, same everything…Due to the fact that women have become so flat and neurotic, we all suffer becoming some kind of freaks.

Women behave like men and men like women. Woman deprived of femininity and man deprived of force and manhood.

People being so absent in their lives, you may wonder how they can ever learn or know anything genuine, indeed, what kind of life can they have when they never touch anything for real…? Well, the bad news is they don´t have a real life, other than some kind of imaginary mise en scene.

They do all the “regular things” in life, yet always remaining in some kind of weird absent zone of sorts, always avoiding this present moment.

It is unbelievable. With these ghosts of people how can we ever speak of a real civilization? How can a culture deserve its name, when real Life is extinct, when everything is a blatant expression of absence and nothingness?

My aim and my concern here is this: we have to let our presence shine. This presence of ours needs to be so powerful in the here and now, so that it can be a living example and a guidance for everybody around to embrace.

We simply have to bring ourselves back home into OUR OWN LIVES.

This is the most vitally important thing we can “strive after”.