Another chapter, another Life. The end of depression

After decades of gruesome depression, I am now free from it.

Imagine that… I have managed to heal myself with little or no
help at all, refusing to take any medicine.

It´s been a terrible journey in the most unthinkable barren desert.
Others with the same predicament have had the fortune of having
understanding people around them. Not me…I had no one beside me to give me a hand, except some indirect help I´ve been totally on my own, my only companion being my trustworthy inner voice – my saviour.

It´s been an Odyssey into utter loneliness and darkness.
In Hades – the worst thinkable hell. Hell, because no one was interested to know. To understand. To speak about it. No one wanted to listen. They all in some way or another face it, yet due to shame and twisted vanity they feign it away.

What is blatantly significant is that the true healing from depression entails deep spiritual transformation, with other words – this may sound far-fetched – if you want to heal thoroughly, you almost have to eventually get “enlightened”. My new and beloved consorts which seem to no longer leave me in the lurch – Joy, Tranquility and Ineffable Force – point that way. To illumination.

So I have found this post which in my opinion is until now the most articulate and well-formulated article about how depression feels.

Here it is:

Depression is humiliating.
It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune.
It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed.

You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it.

And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier.
No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you.
If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself.

Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest yet be judge.

Dare speak up – word heals

From hearing his voice I came to know that there are words for what is hidden in me” ( about James Hillman)

That´s indeed the mystery of healing: to be able to articulate inner realities which seemingly don´t lend themselves to word… – really, that is exorcism at work…

Exorcism…- oh, we are so modern, so we are not supposed to use such obsolete words.

In this today-society it´s taboo to express yourself from these subtle levels of the soul…- at least in this country – Sweden – you are considered some kind of loon if you do…You simple end up in exclusion.

If millions of people choose to live in lie and hypocrisy doesn´t mean it´s right for you to do so. Fact of the matter is thus that it is better to live in exclusion and HEAL, than living like them all in collective neurotic mendacity.

Depression – the most wide-spread issue in today´s society

It is difficult, if not impossible to bring this subject to general attention. Despite the fact that everybody at some point suffers from it, due to shame or bad conscience people refuse to have a fair discussion about this.

The healing solutions society offer – medication and therapy – are short-lived and
don´t solve the problem. There are very few willing to admit, but the widespread symptom of depression is clearly a sign that society itself is diseased.


Nobody admits that though, as that would mean that people assumed their individual
and societal failure.

Thus, if you want to heal, you have to heal the whole society – which, of course, seems
like an impossible undertaking.

What is obvious is that you simply have to find impossible solutions to an impossible problem.
You are literally groping around if you want to find veritable answers.

You may seem forced to look way beyond the general belief hold by everyone and
delve into very uncomfortable questions, if you want to find a way to recover.

You are totally on your own.
But against all odds, if you heal, you heal the whole society. 

I know from personal experience what Depression means.

I have suffered from it most of my adult life. First now after years and years of intense searching  and unimaginable hard work, I am finally onto something which seems to cure me.

The point is that if I manage to heal myself, I think I might be able to help others with the same predicament.

It is indeed inhumanly difficult to take up such a huge subject-matter and condense it in few words. But here is some worth-while reflection I wrote to a friend who is in the process of tapering himself off of his psychiatric medication.  

“I am very pleased to hear about your decision. It means that you are no longer giving your power away to some phony substitute – namely medication -, which is nothing but a means of keeping you numb and estranged from yourself, but you have the guts of facing “the problem” directly.

The process of healing depression entails confronting What Is in total, “choiceless” attention, seeing what is, but at the same time, dispassionately disidentifying from
what is. 

It is indeed the art of bringing unwavering Attention in the middle of turmoil. 

It is not easy at all…

You see, depression can exist only “in time”. If you manage to “suspend” time, you may find instant relief. “Relief” means actually feeling and coming in direct, immediate contact with your real Life-force Now. With your unadulterated emotion.

You may feel some glimpses at first. First it´s like a whisper, but these whispers become more and more palpable.

Each time you acquire and sense the relief of healing, the more confidence you have that you can do it. 

It is done somehow in stages. 

Don´t rush, let the process take care of itself. Take it step by step. Let it happen.
Let it unfold.