I prefer something which is wrong but vivid, to anything right but dead

In my quest to still my inner prompting, I came across Helena Blavatsky when I was 22.

Although rather confusingly written, her book Isis Unveiled gave me some clues, which then corresponded with my worldview…

Now… She is the founder of The Teosophical Movement. Although very popular in those days, many considered Helena Blavatsky a counterfeit.

Was she a fraud…or not?… Who cares after all?…- as long as this movement has directly or indirectly brought forth or influenced such great spirits like Kandinsky – who took inspiration in his abstract painting from Leadbeater’s books -, than another giant, Russian composer Alexander Scriabin, who was highly impacted by Blavatsky’s ideas, not to mention Jiddu Krishnamurti – one of the greatest thinkers of the last century who died in 1981 – who was found and educated by Alice Bailey and Leadbeater.

So again…fraud or not, there must have been something very powerful and fruitful in this teaching to have spawned such magnificent talents like the above mentioned.

So I´d rather prefer a vivid sham, a warped truth, so to say, to a pertinent but still-born academical thesis, which engenders nothing but despondency and doldrums…- like art and contemporary music today.

The Unreal is far more real than “reality”

Despite being a musician myself, I have always had problems in interacting with “musicians”. Most of them have no vision at all, lack any sense of phantasy, they dont usually understand a thing beyond common rendition of any piece, in short, more often than not, they are a total nuisance and a bore. Unbearable…

God, how I had to put up with their petty fear, misjudgment and their “intellectual” aloofness which many times was nothing but pompous mediocrity. In their “company”I felt like a total misfit, thinking only of mischief  – how to corrupt their incredible narcissism and lack of self-distance. According to their “understanding”, I was not “serious” being interested in literature and philosophy. When they found out that I paint, write poems and essays, things become even worse.

Unless you stick with the known and the petty, you become an outlaw. Trying to “convince” them through wise argumentation and coherent thought turned into more disaster, as fools never feel like communicating  – they just wanna be right, and punished me for disturbing their idiotic comfort zone.

Really, trying to reach a mediocrity is worse than ranting to a wall. Whatever is not mediocre scares them to death. Such guilt I felt in their biased comprehension. Such sadness. Such indescribable loneliness and confusion.

If those dealing with immaterial reality – MUSIC –  don´t get a thing, who the hell does…?

So all these years, I had no choice than accepting and going all the way into this loneliness of being on my own, dig and grope into abysmal sorrow not knowing if I ever will come out from this pit.

But here I am…seeing a crevice. This person called Julien Matei is finally emerging as a meta entity dealing with Music, Colour, Movement and perennial Word.

This exhausting journey is now coming to an end. I tasted the most bitter fruits of metaphysical loneliness, and I haven´t wavered…

If “Art” is to be real, it need to be Meta Art.

Likewise, if Life is to be real, it needs to be Meta Life – we have to surpass and leave behind this perverted and fusty Ego, confronting the Eternal Light and its Shade. Sometimes what is “beyond” is more immediate than this very moment. The holy instant before it…