Everything coexists under the law of compensation


Since SPONTANEITY, ENCHANTMENT, JOY AND THE ECSTASY OF LIVING are totally missing in this present so-called society, they are replaced by depression, gloom, shame, and a blatant lack of sense


A Tuesday like this

Would Time exist without denomination?

The reason that prompted me to write this was the following:

Yesterday I put this quote by E. Tolle on my Facebook status:

“The only thing that people may need more time for is that they need time
to realize that they do not need time.”

A girl I know who is a very gifted composer and singer but whose life is
quite a mess – she would never admit it of course – responded:

“This is very suitable for a Tuesday like this.”

Indeed, people never tell you how they really feel inwardly, so you just have
to read between the lines.

In her few words I felt such anguish, confusion, yes, suffering.

As I read her answer, it stroke me like never before that TIME IS SUFFERING.

And what invariably reinforces suffering is our obsession with name and category.

So the question is: if name and category didn´t exist, would psychological
time – which is anguish – exist?…

“Time: time we give to values.” said a fellow blogger in a comment.

So why then do we feel this obsessive urge to evaluate and give name?

Isn´t the constant process of denomination our curse?

Isn´t name giving the very factor which isolates us from one another,
and eventually from Life itself?

Society today

They all try to be someone, to be important. To stand out. To be successful.

They are so filled with their petty self-importance, so there is no chance to reach
them: everybody is behaving as if being some kind of fucking VIP.

“Communicating with me for real…? Forget it! Don´t you know that it is impossible to get to me…? After all, I am aware that inside of me I am hollow, a nobody really, and have to work hard to mask my futility and impotence…That´s why I make everything difficult and strained, in order to conceal  my insignificance.  Straightforwardness and honesty make me feel uneasy. Transaprency likewise – truth is a terrible blow to my vainglory. Coherence?…I hate it, it makes me think. If what you say is not enough twisted and fucked up, it has no relevance.”

Indeed, they are often nobody, wretched souls, and yet they play superior! They often know nothing for real, yet behave as models for others, that´s the thing which is so
immensely irritating and paradoxical.

People are so madly infatuated with the idea of succeeding. But let´s face it,
only losers strive for success.

The real successful person is successful now, feeling gratefulness, fulfillment and contentment this very moment.

But nobody is fulfilled and so they all strive. There are no real successful people left today, no matter how rich or resounding names they have. 

They are all hauntingly busy to chase their fucking ideal, no matter if they trample on corpses.

Chasing success does nothing but enhancing and constantly reinforcing distance and isolation. People are already isolated, living in cages, but want to “stand out” even more.

Recklessness everywhere. Unspeakable isolation. Narcissism of the worst kind.
Nobody is really interested in anything other than showing off. Everything has
become some kind of witless hoax, a sham – they are all stuck in an imbecile grin
of a pose.

They all mimic life, you have the vivid impression that you are partaking in a
furiously maddening charade.

Really, sometimes I am ashamed to be part of this idiotic age. I am ashamed to witness
how people renounce every trace of common sense and intelligence, conforming to a way of living which is nothing but pure insanity.

Really, it has become unbearable. There is nowhere you can hide anymore.

My question is:

Can´t you all for a change stop this masquerade, you morons?…Who the hell are you playing this cheap idiotic theater for…? Aren´t you tired of this intolerable dissimulation?
What gain is it really to be a wreck but playing successful?…

The hell with all lies and hypocrisy.

Stop feigning! Have the guts to denounce and take a break from this farce!

Better suffer and be yourself than entertaining this abominable imposture.

Dare to be yourself for a change, cause only then you are someone real.

This present context has stopped growing


“I get a desperate feeling concerning my acting here on WordPress. But it seems I’ve hit a state where there is no more progression within this context.

I too have that feeling.
Nothing happens anymore here on WordPress.
There is no energy left, due to lack of real interaction.

Sadly, it is gradually becoming a sort of Facebook…

It feels like nobody is really interested to participate, other than through some kind of
senseless likes – I “approve” of you, giving you in fact – nothing.

Total suspension –  people seem to like this horrible absence: “Daring to interact with you and the problems you raise scare me, as these are my problems too – so I prefer fooling myself, feigning some kind of interest.”  

It is another form of the same disease:
The sickness of not wanting to assume anything for real.

If you are hungry, and I give you 10 likes here, it wouldn´t appease your hunger
would it…?


“First of all I write for myself. But this isn’t satisfactory on the long run. It’s like living on an Island all alone. I guess nobody can stand that for a long time without getting nuts somehow.”

That´s the hardest predicament – and it´s a fact:
We are isolated – we go through this horrible loneliness, without any real help – as very few seem to dare admit and question their sickness, being afraid to help themselves…

What is depression ultimately?

This is a longer post. But whoever is interested to delve into this huge
subject matter – Depression – will find this highly enlightening.

I think for me, depression is largely a misunderstanding. Misunderstanding of my position in the world at large, so to speak. For me, my depression, at least at its root causes has been a fundamental misunderstanding about the universe in which I thought for some reason I was somehow supposed to know, with 100% absolute certainty, what I was to do in the world. I asked myself terribly difficult questions, big questions, that I expected myself to be able to answer – questions like “Why am I here?” This was all at very young age, or at least started when I was quite young. But I took them quite seriously, I was expecting and expected to know the unknowable. That is, quite frankly, the cause of my depression – at least that is how I have come to understand it.

The non-life you speak of is a result of this gross misunderstanding about the nature of life (I am not sure if these are the most accurate words). As in, I experience non-aliveness because of my misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what is knowable as a fact versus what I must just live out, experience or take action in order to sort of “find out.” I am not sure if this is making sense nor am I sure if I am expressing exactly what I want to say so I will leave you with that for now.

I “hear” your words here, but also try to reach “beyond” them too…trying to figure out what you say without (mis)interpreting you.

Indeed – this is a very different outlook: depression is for you some kind of ontological misuderstanding…interesting – I have to admit.

Let´s analyze what you say here and see what you really are saying:”For me, my depression, at least at its root causes has been a fundamental misunderstanding about the universe in which I thought for some reason I was somehow supposed to know, with 100% absolute certainty, what I was to do in the world. I asked myself terribly difficult questions, big questions, that I expected myself to be able to answer – questions like “Why am I here?”…

What strikes me here is that according to your surmise, Depression derives from your “inability” to “know”. That being said, the natural question is:

  • What is “knowing” or knowledge ultimately?

  • Can we split reality into Knowing and Un-knowing?

  • Who knows and who knows not?…

That being said, can one know anything with 100% absolute certainty??….Especially when this “knowing” refers to “doing” something?…

  • Who is this entity within you who wants to know, and expects you “to know”…?

  • What do you want to know? And above all, WHY?….

Follow me on this please:

Can you see that Knowing or Knowledge means separation? That is, the Distance between “the Knower” and “the Known”.

If there was no gap between What is – You – and what it is supposed to be – Knowledge – would you need “to know” anything?…No…because if you were “whole”, you would know because you simply know, not because you expect or try to know…

What I hear subsequently, is that you have been attempting to understand what Cleavage – or Separation, or for that matter, Isolation – is about.

When you love and feel loved, you just simply know the Why-s of existence.

Meaning that when you say “Why am I here” is in fact, “Why am I not here” or
“Why am I not to love and to be loved??”… With other words, since early age, you saw instinctively the state of the present world, namely, that you were here, but not allowed to be What You Really Are: WHOLE.

No one has shown you anything but Separation from yourself, yet no one could tell you about this, as they are all separated, everybody suffers from this disease…

So again, you were trying to reach “the un-knowable”, that is, to find out WHAT HUMANS REFUSE TO SEE, NAMELY – SEPARATION!

What is knowable as a fact and what you just must live out, seem to be different things but this is pure delusion. What is knowable – or what should be knowable and what must be lived out, IS IN FACT THE SAME THING, but we don´t recognize it as such.

There is no action required from you “to know” or find out, as YOU KNOW WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT, because you are alive.


You are what you are, there is no distance to What is and You, – just embrace and accept the pain you see in yourself and in the world, knowing that you are here to heal this pain!!


Who do we become in true relation to one another?

Richard and Paul were commenting and discussing about a vital topic, read their dialogue if you like: https://julienmatei.com/2012/09/29/so-sad-or-not/#comment-2597

Here is my answer to them.

You seem to do all right in your dialogue without my involvement. :) You maybe are interested to take over Mirrors of Encounters too. It would be quite fun I think ;;)

Anyway, let´s put like this – can anything exist in separateness at all?…Hence, who is this Julien Matei? Is Julien a separate entity? Is he an outcome of total relationless-ness? Or is he a product of different other societal factors, relations, events, people, frictions, dreams and projections?…

Again, is relationless-ness – let´s say, total isolation – a reality…? Is “I” a reality per se, or can it only exist in relation to everything there is?…

Let´s ponder: Where does an entity begin and where does it end?…

So who is Julien when he writes to Paul? Who is Paul when he connects in vivid dialogue with Richard?

Who is Richard when we interact in this uncommon way…? Who do we become, Paul, Julien and Richard – not necessary in this order – when we meet here in this discussion?

If we manage to authentically meet each other in these insights, we realize that the precise entity of Richard, Julien and Paul becomes rather irrelevant. Irrelevant in the sense that none of us remains the same, but each of us grow – hopefully!! – if we allow ourselves to be just little “irrelevant” for a change, and kind of get nourished by the energy of this dialogue we create together.
To grow is to dynamically give up boundaries,- the limited I-ness – and when we have the courage to “lose” ourselves, we come to the understanding that it is fear we let go of, and not our specific identity.

Only fear tries to make sure of its “fixed” identity. Fear tries to “emulate” or not emulate others in order to escape its paradoxical nature – that is, through escaping itself, Fear fiercely struggles to contain itself, to remain the same. Strange but true…Yes, Fear is isolation. I-ness is the derivative of isolation. Only fear can exist in perfect relationlessness. Its worst menace – I am sure you will find this strange – is authentic relation, cause in dependable relation Fear fears its disappearance…

Real Joy created out of togetherness knows no boundary…it explodes indiscriminately in all simultaneous spaces. Thus entity becomes entities, and entities entity…

In this immediacy, we come to the understanding that boundary means possession and in Joy all boundaries dissolve, as Joy cannot possess as there is nothing to possess…Joy is eternal space, reality beyond reality…

Can we see that we are unique but together…? Together but unique…:)

A response

She says:

I have a lot of “friends” but I don’t trust any of them because I know they talk to me because they have an interest so it’s hard to find real friends these days…People are very bad…and seeking something and then never call you anymore.

My answer:

People are bad, you say…
Why are they “bad”?…What are they looking for ultimately?…What do they want…?…What do you want?…Stay with this and give it a thought.

Are we just good or bad…?…Am I good?…Are you…? Who´s there to see…? Who considers us  being this or the other?…

Let´s suppose I – Julien Matei – am a good person. But if you inwardly suspect me of being “bad”, I will sooner or later “fulfill” your fearful desire and become evil…
So you see, there is no evil “out there” – through our approach we make people become one thing or another…

I know you have the ability to grasp my words…

Who raises walls around you…? Can it be Fear…? Does this fear really feed you…? Does it ever feed us?…What can we receive other than isolation when afraid? …

Only Fear raises walls trying to protect its false identity.

JOY DOESN´T NEED ANY PROTECTION. JOY IS FREE. And so are you, when you dare questioning the nature of your fear.

Another worth considering dialogue

Paul says:

I would not say I am attempting to flee, at least not from the depression aspect. I may desire to flee from the isolation, but I always kind of thought spending time with others was the answer. You raise an interesting thought though, and one I cannot dismiss.

My main problem is my inability to think and feel making introspection quite challenging if at all possible. I literally experience a blank slate type of feeling at all times, both mentally and emotionally.

However, I do seem to recognize the possibility of truth in your words. Maybe isolation is more of some sort of fear towards one’s Being, fear towards oneself.

I want to spend some time on your questions though, but I do think you are to onto something here.


Spending time with others can be an answer – provided that these “others” are willing and interested in HONEST PARTICIPATION. For the most part, they are not…

As long as we try to fill isolation through others, we´ll encounter even more disappointment.
It´s quite clear: everybody tries hardly to escape isolation through all kind of tricks and stratagems: dominating or letting themselves be dominated, arrogance or aggression, complaint, constant competition, malice, manipulation, gossip or God knows what other twisted grimaces…for sure, very few are genuinely interested to dig to the root of the problem.

You say:
“I literally experience a blank slate type of feeling at all times, both mentally and emotionally.”

This state of yours, is the “legacy” of this present age: an obsessive and inane attempt to do away with Thought and Feeling. You are a partaker in the Present Drama. And the story of modernity is Absence…

Isolation is basically separation from Being. Fear in fact is, proclaimed separation.

A comment to Paul


It is a sad fact of life: when people detect depression in themselves or, above all, in someone else,
they kind of flee like sparrows. People are usually afraid of introspection. Depression forces us all to look for answers inward… to contemplate – pure and simple – inner reality.

I recognize myself in your words – feeling alone, not having people to talk with. It is true in my case as well: we seem to have more virtual friends, than mates in our very proximity.

What is vital to know is that basically depression is – among other things – the outcome of isolation.
We try to compensate isolation through contact with others… It does never work.

We have to go down into the feeling of isolation, and examine the very nature of it…Not easy though – when you are isolated, whatever you do creates even more isolation.

So what is this isolation about? Can we look at it…? Can we stay with it without trying to flee into conversations…or whatever other ways of escape…?

As long as we don´t directly confront ourselves we will suffer from a constant feeling of loneliness and loss,
that is not going to be healed other than by our sincere readiness to find out…

Putting the blame on someone else is blatant refusal to look at ourselves


Thinking is hard work. It can be easier to dismiss something as an evil than to understand the conditions that cause the problems we see. Labeling a villain allows people to more easily go on without carefully considering what everybody (especially they, themselves) could be doing to make things better.

This is why our mass media are so quick to set up enemies to rail against on TV whether it’s on Fox News or MSNBC, and it all serves the purpose of that isolation you’re talking about.


Yes, it´s always easy to label someone a villain, as if the villain didn´t have a story…

But alas, it is too damn hard and even dangerous to analyze how he ended up being a wrongdoer, cause if we took the trouble to understand and unfold his story, we would realize that his story is ours…

Indeed to put the blame on someone else – the list can be interminable as to who bears the blame – “entitles” us to stay secure in our shortsighted pettiness, going on concealing our dark side, refusing to see our involvement in everything there is.

Living so fragmentary, is another trick to dismiss “the whole picture”. It´s easier to see everything as an “accident” instead of facing our responsibility.

Even when people get irrevocably ill, they overlook the fact that their life was diseased long before the actual sickness. They would never admit though that their behaviour and way of living was defective and deficient, cause it would be too unbearable to look at.

So if we wanna recover, we have to honestly reconsider and regain Our Real Story.