It is as it is

You know, if we understand one question rightly, all questions are answered. But we don’t know how to ask the right question. To ask the right question demands a great deal of intelligence and sensitivity. Here is a question, a fundamental question: is life a torture? It is, as it is; and man has lived in this torture centuries upon centuries, from ancient history to the present day, in agony, in despair, in sorrow; and he doesn’t find a way out of it. Therefore he invents gods, churches, all the rituals, and all that nonsense, or he escapes in different ways.

What we are trying to do, during all these discussions and talks here, is to see if we cannot radically bring about a transformation of the mind, not accept things as they are, nor revolt against them. Revolt doesn’t answer a thing. You must understand it, go into it, examine it, give your heart and your mind, with everything that you have, to find out a way of living differently. That depends on you, and not on someone else, because in this there is no teacher, no pupil; there is no leader; there is no guru; there is no Master, no Saviour. You yourself are the teacher and the pupil; you are the Master; you are the guru; you are the leader; you are everything. And to understand is to transform what is.”

~ Jiddu Krishnamurti
(courtesy of

I am at a crossroad no longer knowing where to

I´m in a kind of hopeless predicament:

Two years ago I started this so-called blog. During this time, I have toiled enormously, investing all my knowledge and skills, trying to bring about another “breath” of newness. I wanted to create a forum for dialogue, a place for meaningful exchange and interaction. For the time being, I am face to face with the realization that my belief to create a new context of unbiased openness and honesty, is but a childish dream.

I seem to have failed in my pursuit. I no longer see any point in continuing with Mirrors of Encounters.

It is impossible to go on with something that is not appropriately understood and reciprocated. It is like spreading precious water in the sand.

It seems that for the time being, the only one I should give things to, is myself. People sneak into my posts but don´t really get what I write about. If they did, more force and enthusiasm would come back to me. But it doesn´t. I kind of conjure up only my energy and wisdom to find myself kind of drained after. IT IS NOT RIGHT TO GIVE WITHOUT ENDORSEMENT.

It feels that I cannot continue spreading this valuable information for free. It is strange, but unless people pay for something, they don´t evaluate it. No matter that whatever I write about is said by Krishnamurti or others who “understood”, I DON´T FEEL HEARD.

Indeed, if what I write about would have been said by Jesus or Tolle or whoever,
you would probably believe it.

But since I am (only) Julien Matei, it is not thoroughly convincing.

Anyhow, I can take this solitude, but after writing and giving my all in these posts here I kind of feel even more “lonely”, yes, a sort of unpleasant solitude. Really, without any real feedback you cannot possibly continue.

People claim they want to change, prosper and heal. Reality is that most of us like things the way they are. This is a rather sad truth, but it has to be said:

There is no one to blame, this world looks the way it does cause – let´s face it! – WE SECRETLY LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE. THIS WORLD IS THE SUM OF WHO WE ARE JUST NOW. A sum of our fears, cowardice and lack of real expression. Nothing more or less.

People indulge in their sloth, love their failing, love conflicts, love their disease, suffering seems to be their main motivation. Whatever other things they say about Peace, Real Success, Togetherness, is but pure literature. Fiction. Childhood stories to appear interesting and make a nice impression and have something to talk about.

Really, despite my love to write and sharing, I am facing a hard decision…

To continue writing here, or not…

Don´t subordinate Awareness to your idea of time

Thanks to Eckhart I try to be aware of awareness all day but it only happens occasionally. I love it when I am aware like now. Thanks for starting my day with this reminder.

You see,

Let´s put it like that: Awareness doesn´t belong to Tolle, to me or to you. It doesn´t belong either to what we usually call chronological time. It doesn´t obey or fit in our classifications of time and space.

Thus, let it just happen “occasionally” – take it from there. Get to know its sparkling timeless quality. That means you need to learn to adjust yourself to the PULSE OF THE SECOND, as a new and real measure of time.
Pretty soon, you will realize that “the pulse of the second” is the only reliable measure.  To awareness, days, weeks, minutes or years mean naught as timeless time is simultaneous.

Therefore, don´t try to subordinate it your will or your idea of time – “be aware of awareness all day”.
Don´t control it in an attempt to prolong it…Whenever we try to prolong something, we prolong our ego and with it, our further suffering.

Only falseness can be prolonged, controlled and possessed.

When Thought and Knowledge are suspended, Love smiles


Last night I had a dream which wasn’t a dream. I woke up in the middle of the night. Everything was silent. While I tried to fall asleep again, I started a slight meditation. Just observing my breathing. Somehow the word “love” was entering my mind and it wouldn’t leave. It was so particular present that I stopped to watch my breath and concentrated on this word instead. It came to me that my face began to smile more and more. I couldn’t stop it … and I didn’t want to as well. My whole body was full of peace and inner joy.

Have You ever had an experience like that?

Those moments come usually at night. I find myself not knowing anything any longer, it feels as if Knowledge and Thought are suspended…Only that unnameable Presence whispers, everything else has withered…

Very well put…as usual. I really appreciate that. But what I appreciate even more is the content of what
you’re saying. I think I could get addicted to that kind of experience. And when I think of it right now I can resume this feeling. Not as intensive as it was then, but it is still there. Julien, can you create this feeling on purpose? If so: how do you do it?

Above all, whose purpose are we talking about…? Who wants to feel well and secure…? Give it a real thought, or give it no thought at all… – I think you know the answer…

Look what our friend Krishnamurti says:

“The ‘how’ to keep the mind pliable is not the problem; the ‘how’ is the search for a method, and method can never make the mind innocent; it can make it methodical, but never innocent, creative.”

The secret to your question lies in un-creativeness.
That´s the hardest part: to “learn” to un-create.

It is not a linear process, it is not a “task”, a skill to learn…

It is about recognizing Attention in inattention…I am not playing with sophisticated words or parables…
It is about this very Second now… – learning to un-know…It is not about deliberateness, thesis or antithesis, effort or non effort. If I was to use words, it´s like we have to learn how to empty the mind Now, to learn to die each and every moment.

When you die to concept, thought, desire and deliberateness, The Second arises in all its depth and innoncent beauty.
This unnamable second is like a breath…boundless but never recurring…as it is eternally new…It is neither easy nor complicated – IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to know it rationally…

So how can we learn to deal with the Impossible…? That´s the hardest question…

About awareness

Most of us think that awareness is a mysterious something to be practised, and that we should get together day after day to talk about awareness. Now, you don’t come to awareness that way at all. But if you are aware of outward things -the curve of a road, the shape of a tree, the colour of another’s dress, the outline of the mountains against a blue sky, the delicacy of a flower, the pain on the face of a passer-by, the ignorance, the envy, the jealousy of others, the beauty of the earth- then, seeing all these outward things without condemnation, without choice, you can ride on the tide of inner awareness. Then you will become aware of your own reactions, of your own pettiness, of your own jealousies. From the outward awareness you come to the inward, but if you are not aware of the outer, you cannot possibly come to the inner.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

No accumulation

Through awareness I begin to see myself as I actually am, the totality of myself. Being watchful from moment to moment of all its thoughts, its feelings, its reactions, unconscious as well as conscious, the mind is constantly discovering the significance of its own activities, which is self-knowledge. Whereas if my understanding is merely accumulative, then that accumulation becomes a conditioning which prevents further understanding.

So can the mind observe itself without accumulation?

J. Krishnamurti

An interesting dialogue about time

Richard says:

“I am speaking about psychological time here” was a central issue of yours. I think this derives from Krishnamurti’s point of view who said literally “It is the interval between idea and action. An idea is for self-protection obviously; it is the idea of being secure. Action is always immediate; it is not of the past or of the future; to act must always be in the present, but action is so dangerous, so uncertain, that we conform to an idea which we hope will give us a certain safety.”

Well, to live a real life means to live in the now. You can neither live in the past nor in the future – only our thoughts remain in these tenses much too often. Our depressions stem from the past and our anxieties emerge from future thoughts.

My answer:

For sure, an idea is a means to self-protection – self-protection meaning resistance against “the unpleasant” – that is against the Unknown …So action being so dangerous, so uncertain, we conform to an idea which we hope will give us a certain safety. This very idea we conform to, creates the interval, and this interval – that is fearing the unknown –  is time; that´s exactly what I say.

In fact, every form of inner escape, creates time. It is a terrible thing for many to live now. As “Now” means confrontation both with real pain, BUT AS MUCH WITH ABSTRACT PAIN!!! And according to what I see, abstract pain is much more unbearable to people than actual whatever affliction. It is not the object per se which scare us, but our thoughts about it.

To confront fearful thoughts is an unbearable undertaking for most humans, don´t you think?

This is perfectly formulated Richard:

“To live a real life means to live in the now. You can neither live in the past nor in the future – only our thoughts remain in these tenses much too often. Our depressions stem from the past and our anxieties emerge from future thoughts.”

So sad, instead of Now, people live in tenses…

I could also add that depression is constant reiteration of the past into the future. This mechanical reiteration, which is Fear, kills Now. When we give up Time, we give up our resistance, and in that readiness we can confront the real problem – fear.

The trap of experience

Experiences are inevitable, perhaps necessary; life is a series of experiences, but the mind need not be burdened with its own accumulative demands. It can wipe off each experience and keep itself innocent, unburdened. This is important, otherwise the mind can never be fresh, alert and pliable. The ‘how’ to keep the mind pliable is not the problem; the ‘how’ is the search for a method, and method can never make the mind innocent; it can make it methodical, but never innocent, creative.

J. Krishnamurti

Watch out for false prophets

I wrote this post some time ago. It is ripe time to put it on front page again. Here it is:

“This world is full of false prophets.

You need an incredible discernment to recognize them, as they are often “brilliant”. They can possess a conspicuous “knowledge”, write and talk skillfully about various life-matters and human conduct. But at the end of the day, their teaching is of no avail, misleading, as it is often hollow, and has no real bearing in real life.

One spectacular case is Bhagwan, or Osho as he later called himself. I read many of his books. This man in many ways was a genius, highly educated, an erudite even, and yet, despite all, he was an impostor. I am not referring to his having 100 Rolls-Royce cars, it´s not that. My point is that his teaching is like a mirage, and although he sais everything “right”, it feels unsubstantiated and deceitful.

Another interesting character is Deepak Chopra. I am acquainted with most of his writings. What it is remarkable, is that his books had a great impact on me, they felt genuine…till the time when I went to a lecture he held in Stockholm some year ago.

I paid almost 200 dollars to see a greedy, conceited man, basically quoting his last book throughout the whole day, saying nothing but grandiloquent rubbish. I was shocked, I swear to God, I could have held a better reading myself.

Donald Neale Walsch has written Conversations with God. This trilogy meant really something for me back in 2001. But when I watched him on Youtube and looked through his last books, I realize this guy has gone totally astray.

Robert Sharma is another member in this club. Incredible pompous rubbish, an absurd and cheap caricature of what spiritual life is about.

Now, these men are often popular and make a lot of money, but at the end of the day, after dealing with them, you are more confused and miserable than before.

Now, if you are honest and genuinely interested in finding out the Truth, you may want to get acquainted with the writings of Jiddu Krishnamurti or Eckhart Tolle.

These two however, are real teachers.

What they say is highly pertinent and substantiated. Krishnamurti has a rather intransigent way of putting things, which may be hard to digest.

Eckart Tolle instead, has an incredible ability to verbalize, lucidly conveying difficult issues in plain language, spreading light and giving Real Solutions to the problems we all encounter.

You may want to read his Power of Now.”

PS Recently, I saw a short video on Youtube  with E. Tolle discussing with Donald Neale Walsch. The latter – to my great surprise – recognized sincerely that he cannot implement his own teaching in his own life. That he kind of feels a sham. The good thing is that he confirmed my words, saying that Tolle is the one who is really genuine in his teaching.

The hat down for mr. Waslsh – it means that, after all, he is on the road to authenticity.

A great quote

“He who follows any man ceases to follow himself.”