How can we bring back some of our instinctive nature into our lives and with it some of our innate aliveness?

When we suppress our instincts, we lose some of our vitality, accuracy of perception (gut feeling), capacity for pleasure (sexual and otherwise), and ability to stand up for ourselves and others (fierceness), among other things.

How can we integrate this nature with living in civilization?

– Marla Estes

Do you betray or befriend yourself?

“I started the arduous journey of weaning myself from the old personal and collective myths. I started watching my desire to feel special, to be seen, acknowledged and understood, as it came up, and how I would bid or broker for attention. I found ways to see, acknowledge and understand myself. I developed my internal sense of self. My illusions got torn out of me. I grudgingly relinquished my mistaken dreams about life, one of which was that someone else could do my work for me and provide the inner landscape that I so longed for. I learned that the worst betrayal is self-betrayal. I got to know and appreciate my loneliness. I began, slowly, to trust and befriend myself.

I understood where my addictions lay. I looked at how emotions work, and triggers, and defense mechanisms, and started working with all of that consciously. I connected with my avoidance, so that I could gain more depth. I grasped how I had left my body over the course of my life and why. I came to some understanding of my instinctual self, of what I have done in my life to sell myself out, and how truth and transparency have everything to do with living true to oneself.”

– Marla Estes

Indeed so: it is a hell of a blow for each one of us to realize that nothing and no one can do the work for us and provide the longed for inner landscape. These words resonate so much with my current reflections, namely that the worst betrayal is self-betrayal…

What does it really entail to betray oneself at the end of the day?…- question which equally well, can be formulated as:

What does it entail to befriend oneself? The immediate answer which comes to mind is “connect with one´s avoidance”.

Obviously, one cannot betray oneself, live in self-avoidance, and at the same time befriend oneself…

Truth and transparency cannot coexist with Fear…

Still, this question poignantly echoes within myself:

Why was I afraid to befriend myself?

Changing your inner landscape for a new life to emerge

It is not about changing your life but about changing your inner landscape so that a new life can emerge. Make peace with where you are RIGHT NOW, no judgment, and allow some more ease and spaciousness to come in, to relieve you emotionally. So much of your energy is caught up in struggle right now.

– Marla Estes

Although books say the same thing, you could never understand anything until you live through it

Inner change

As we change inside, other opportunities from the outside world present themselves, or we open to other possibilities that we weren’t equipped to before.