The Unreal is far more real than “reality”

Despite being a musician myself, I have always had problems in interacting with “musicians”. Most of them have no vision at all, lack any sense of phantasy, they dont usually understand a thing beyond common rendition of any piece, in short, more often than not, they are a total nuisance and a bore. Unbearable…

God, how I had to put up with their petty fear, misjudgment and their “intellectual” aloofness which many times was nothing but pompous mediocrity. In their “company”I felt like a total misfit, thinking only of mischief  – how to corrupt their incredible narcissism and lack of self-distance. According to their “understanding”, I was not “serious” being interested in literature and philosophy. When they found out that I paint, write poems and essays, things become even worse.

Unless you stick with the known and the petty, you become an outlaw. Trying to “convince” them through wise argumentation and coherent thought turned into more disaster, as fools never feel like communicating  – they just wanna be right, and punished me for disturbing their idiotic comfort zone.

Really, trying to reach a mediocrity is worse than ranting to a wall. Whatever is not mediocre scares them to death. Such guilt I felt in their biased comprehension. Such sadness. Such indescribable loneliness and confusion.

If those dealing with immaterial reality – MUSIC –  don´t get a thing, who the hell does…?

So all these years, I had no choice than accepting and going all the way into this loneliness of being on my own, dig and grope into abysmal sorrow not knowing if I ever will come out from this pit.

But here I am…seeing a crevice. This person called Julien Matei is finally emerging as a meta entity dealing with Music, Colour, Movement and perennial Word.

This exhausting journey is now coming to an end. I tasted the most bitter fruits of metaphysical loneliness, and I haven´t wavered…

If “Art” is to be real, it need to be Meta Art.

Likewise, if Life is to be real, it needs to be Meta Life – we have to surpass and leave behind this perverted and fusty Ego, confronting the Eternal Light and its Shade. Sometimes what is “beyond” is more immediate than this very moment. The holy instant before it…





The conman and the napkin

You find yourself in a precarious situation sometimes…- vitally important things happen to you that others fail to notice – or if they notice, they bluntly disregard those inconspicuous details as mere “fantasy”…

“Don´t take things so seriously, you  ascribe too much importance to matters of no consequence”, they say.

But these matters of “no consequence” make a life in purpose or a life spent in despondent mediocrity. These very details are sometimes the difference between being dead or alive. Literally and metaphorically.

Those key details are simply overlooked or dismissed, being considered “a waste of time”.
So there you are all by yourself, sensing the gravity of your awkward and disconcerting situation, with no one around you can turn to…

You are on your own. YOU AND YOUR DESTINY.

So, I once knew this guy. He was smart and cheerful, a rather talkative person. Tall, imposing stature, elegant. Very charming. He had a penetrating, lively convincing voice. Seemingly so…- THERE WAS SOMETHING IN HIS LAUGH WHICH WAS FORCED, something spurious, disturbing, for the common ear, a hardly detectable dissonance of sorts.

“Maybe I make this up, it´s all in my head”, I thought.

He was working in a radio station, he had a rather interesting program with philosophical questions. Long story short: He wanted me to join him in this radio show, which I did. I collaborated with him for few months. Anyway, this broadcast showed to be a success. We even did a few very appreciated lectures together. We were to carry on and engage in different other projects.

Once we were in his car going somewhere. “Do you have a napkin?”, I asked him. “Of course, here…” he said THROWING ME A PACK OF NAPKINS.

Here is the point of my story: he threw this napkin to me in such a way that I was dumbfounded: in that simple gesture I could read so much recklessness, arrogance, contempt and terrifying callousness.
It was impossible to misinterpret – in a fraction of a second I got the clear message:
Behind his mannered, well-polished  mask, this guy was a treacherous, totally unreliable sham. A conman.

Let´s be honest, how many people would attach any importance to someone throwing a package of napkins?…

Luckily I was shrewd enough to take these inconspicuous warning signals seriously. Right after this incident, I began to look at him with totally dispassionate eyes, and realized that I had seen through him. His humanitarian projects, his interest to promote wisdom, to assist  and help people was nothing but hollow phrases. He would trample on corpses in order to fulfill his agenda.

The weird thing is that he was not an entirely bad man. But who knows – his destiny
in his present life is to be an impostor.

So I stopped the collaboration with him. Thanks God I have been gifted with this highly unlikely intuition:
One year after, this man started a construction company and soon after he bankrupted many of his associates. Finding himself with no cash, he managed to persuade a gullible young man I know – one of his broadcast listeners – to lend him 45.000 Euros with 50% interest.

Even to this day, the poor youngster hasn´t retrieved a cent back…

The moral:
LEARN TO “WASTE” YOUR TIME WITH MATTERS OF “NO CONSEQUENCE” – as there is the difference between the loser and the winner!


Fear is unspeakably boring but fussy, fear blocks any kind of thinkable self-expression.

Fear is unbearable mediocrity, bigotry and immensely limitative and inhibiting.

Fear is horrid absence, stupidity, cowardness, ugliness, anti-creativity. Fear gives itself as the only Authority – it says: “you can´t, you are not worth, I know – you don´t, shut up and endure, life is hell”.

No my friends, I will tell you, FEAR IS HELL.

IT is mental disorder, Death, the antithesis of Life. We have to start breaking through these thick and opaque walls of fear.

I cannot stand fear anymore.

For Life´s sake, let´s stop listening and totally ignore Fear´s hoarse and scabrous voice!



Different points of view

A discussion becomes more and more dynamic if there are different points of view.
The thing is,  if life becomes “all too important”, and we are to evaluate every second with highest “awareness”, there is the risk that instead of  living we soon are in the awkward position of chasing everything , and we become tense and mediocre. Biased  by  your attitude , every different pertinent  point of view becomes uninteresting and irrelevant , a threat instead of an opportunity to grow . If you try to live to the utmost , the result will  always diminish the attempt.