A dialogue about loneliness and approving of one´s Real Self

She:
I am very intimate with loneliness. It drains the life out of a person, destroys their self-esteem and confidence. At this point in my life, I feel close to no one. There is nobody I can be myself with. In fact I’m not really sure what “myself” is like anymore. I wear so many masks for so many different people, my true self has been lost in the layers. 

You are right in thinking that a lot of times people are scared, but you know what I think?

It is not fear of what you are going through rather a fear of having to do something about it, being involved, that stops them from connecting.  You know how I know that someone is not really interested in befriending me? Usually they repeat something to me as if it’s the first time they’ve told me. So I know for sure that they forgot our conversations since it was not important enough to them to remember. Does that make sense?

Me:
Of course it makes sense – I recognize so well what you say…

The thing is that most people usually lie about everything in their lives. Lying is about deluding oneself eventually… – constantly avoiding to directly experience reality. 

Of course you cannot be yourself, because there is hardly anyone to see
for real who you are, to vividly accept and appreciate you FOR WHAT YOU ARE.
How could they ever acknowledge you, when they live in constant mendacity as to
Who They Are, never being themselves, ever fleeing themselves?…

You wear these masks because you feel instinctively you cannot behave freely with those persons around you, and as they don´t see you, you don´t trust them…You seem to be a sensitive soul, but it´s about time TO TRUST AND APPROVE OF YOURSELF. To become strong in your sensitivity. 

I´ve realized lately how terribly lonely I was. I had to accept this fierce reality that I was really on my own. As nobody would heed me – my self-confidence and esteem being so low -, I finally understood that I have to start befriending myself: to throw away all masks, to embrace my solitude, to love and heed and approve of myself despite all pain, sorrows and shortcomings, to see and give myself WHAT I NEED. 

It´s all about this ongoing process, the most important step:

To dare listen to the child within. To start again, to let illusion die, and allow
the Real You recreate and reconstellate you.

Finally, I think also that what stops people from connecting, is their own fear to look within, the fear of delving into their own inner process. They are afraid of and avoid their own suffering, which they otherwise so well hide…

Illusion is shortsighted

The greatest challenge

Really, life in today-world has become a living hell.

Chaos, stupidity, conflict at all levels, neurosis, inner and outer disorder, psychic discomfort, unspeakable inner turmoil, spiritual and material shortage, greed and stinginess, ugliness of the worst kind taken for beauty, mendacity, hypocrisy and pretense, hollowness, absence of sense.

What is worst, is the blatant absence of genuine relation, total disinterest for the other, indifference to “whatever is not mine”, indeed, MAN HAS BECOME TOTALLY AUTISTIC.

It is hopeless: whatever you do, you feel you cannot reach the other, nothing impresses, no matter how articulate, skilful or subtle you are.

What is conspicuous, is that Emotion has become taboo.

As Life is Emotion, it is obvious that MAN WANTS TO BE DEAD.

“Death is my virtue, I don´t want to feel, I want to be numb, left alone. If you interfere and dare make me feel, awake my conscience, I´ll severely punish you”, that´s the tacit message.

All this stuff that humanity is on the verge of great transformation is kindergarten story.
Unsubstantiated New Age gibberish for gullible fools.

Let´s face it: IT IS BAD.

Yet!

When you have the guts to dispassionately see and admit how things really are, when you lucidly grasp that Man is nowadays morally and spiritually bankrupt and insane, then and only then, you can be ready for A REAL CHANGE.

You realize that you are ready to give up any sense of man-made authority. That means that DESPITE the bankruptcy of this distressed age, you can see THROUGH and BEYOND.

To see “through and beyond” means to have the guts of facing and assuming this factual state, leaving behind “humanity” and accepting your loneliness, and establish A REAL RELATION TO INEFFABLE SELF. 

TO ONENESS.

Oneness is beyond belief, conformity or authority.
Oneness is your courage to give up your false humanity.

TO BE FREE IS TO SACRIFICE YOUR FALSITY!!

Yes, once you have established a veritable relation with “the Unutterable”,
YOU CAN BE HAPPY DESPITE THE WRETCHEDNESS OF THIS WORLD.

In this imperishable relation to Self, even if this world would fall apart, you would still remain unaffected, composed and well.

 

 

 

 

A paradigm shift within is required for change

My answer to Paul´s latest post:

The greatest mind-blowing paradox is not that we are in deep shit.

The real crisis is the average man´s resistance and refusal to admit this
impending state of things.

It happens before our eyes, yet everybody is busy to proceed with the lies and petty absurdities you well know by now…

You say:
“A paradigm shift in politics is required for change”. I say a paradigm shift is required in each and every man´s soul. A step that in all likelihood, man will not deliberately take…
Unless forced be a horrendous nature catastrophe or cataclysm of sorts, humans won´t show any readiness or interest to face this truth.
Human nature is the way it is…Cowardice. Bigotry. Sloth. Mendacity. Convenience.

People secretly like the way things are, otherwise we would witness a change right away, if all were sick and tired of the present state in whatever area of life.  But humans won´t make a move unless forced, indeed shaken, by a visible, tangible threat. As if what is happening is not enough a big of a threat. But it is not enough that you and me, and few other individuals see the state of affairs.

Unfortunately, progress happens by mistake not by deliberate will-power…

As I said before, we cannot save the world. Just save yourself first!

Each of one of us has to make the priority of establishing Peace within,
to bring order inwardly and, at best, in our very proximity. Few powerful steps
in right direction!

I trust you have the power to undergo the shift you talk about.

That´s the most pragmatic step you can take for you and the world.

Melissa´s comment of my post

https://julienmatei.com/2012/10/25/take-a-break-from-busy-and-do-something-of-consequence/

Thanks, that is an excellent addition – best laugh I have had all day. Lots of people always say to me stay busy as if it’s such a good thing like a type of therapy or the key to living, but to me it has always seemed that busy is just an excuse of sorts or a distraction, maybe another way of saying I don’t have time for you because I choose not to make time for you even…………But people get offended if you suggest this being the case, nice to know there is someone with a similar view as I have always felt so odd.

My reply:

Of course people get offended – it is hard to be reminded of how recklessly disinterested in others they are, of how shamelessly self-absorbed and narrow-minded they´ve become.

A letter about truth and mendacity

Suppose my teeth ache terribly, and instead of asking the dentist to fix my caries I would tell him to fix my beautiful smile, you would for sure wonder as to my mental sanity, wouldn´t you?

And yet this simple metaphor says it all – our soul aches, our life is limping and we feign to be great athletes. We have all become great champions. Yes, champions of mendacity. We are very proud of our lies. We are so versed in self-deceit so everybody is exercising this damned idiotic skill. If you lie you are with us…If not… tough luck…. If you ever tell people something even vaguely reminding of the truth, they call you their foe, and turn you into a persona non grata.

You´re asking if I´m bitter?…No…Right now I am calm and well, but nevertheless frantically fed up of this crazy charade. Obfuscation not only has become our quick fix, but it´s considered virtue.

“What would happen if we walked right up to apathy and gave it a hug?” she said. The self-sufficient lacks the ability to receive anything, least of all empathy. Empathy would be interpreted as weakness, and you would be even more punished for being so gullible.

Am I intolerant? Am I unsettled…? Maybe I am, or may be not…One thing is for sure: no matter the price, I am not going to tolerate or put up with cowardice, I don´t intend to flirt with hypocrisy, self-deceit and fraud.

How do we deal with this cowardice and ubiquitous inveracity? Believe me, at least now, I cannot feel any compassion for people who consciously lie and pretend trying to show their sufficiency.

So back to my simple metaphor. Wouldn´t be wise and simple to say the truth to the dentist so he can deal with the problem?
Couldn´t people say – yes I feel lonely and sad, confused, afraid of living and dying, afraid of not knowing how to deal with thing called Life…Imagine if we had the courage to greet each other with simple honesty instead of playing tough, hard to get, self-sufficient and successful?

Can we change this?…I think we can. In fact, she confirms this with her own words the kind of deep human sincerity I am talking about:

“I too experience a deep longing for the weakening soul of humanity. (…) I am one of the few who feels the pain of the lost. I feel the fragmented wounds, gaping open within the core of all the broken people, aimlessly walking in ‘emptiness’ and ‘depression’…”

This is the most interesting:

“But the issues are born of the same deprivation. The very same needs going perpetually unmet, the same truths going perpetually unfaced. And we are all culprits in our own right.”

According to you:
What is this deprivation about?… What are we depriving ourselves of…? What are these perpetually unmet needs, these truths unfaced…?

We reap what we sow

Running away from pain and suffering creates even more suffering. We all are intertwined, so everything happening around is in fact also my responsibility. Responsibility means etymologically, my ability to respond rightly from my real self.

AS LONG AS WE OBSTINATELY HOLD TO SELF-DELUSION AND LIE, PURPOSELY NUMBING AND BLINDING OURSELVES, going against common sense refusing to acknowledge blatant evidence. then yes…we deserve the “dire” consequences…As these consequences are not dire in themselves, they are just the mirror of our dire mendacity. It´s so simple: we reap what we sow…

Sweden and its royal cowardice

Nothing is neutral in life. Neutrality is a synonym for cowardice.

Every person you encounter takes you somewhere – either up or down. Remaining in the same spot, is “down”, as life is both entropy and growth.

It is pure cowardice not to choose side. Not choosing is Limbo – that is, neither good nor bad. Not wanting to choose side is evil. Not daring to take a position, is not daring to live.

Limbo is mendacity. Passive evil. Many do no harm, their sin is not daring to live. They are neither dead nor alive. Living like a zombie, refusing to take position, allows evil to thrive. The house is on fire, while we are busy with our stupid sand dreams.

Our innocuous chimeras can be our end.