Dusk

Waiting for nothing
Desiring nothing
I hear no one
But the endless skies
pouring gently in my chest…

Enlightenment is but a recognition – not a change at all

ACIM

Fact is

There is nowhere to go

There is everywhere to go

Our curse – the absence of genuine relation

Writing to myself

Investigating absence and ultimate loneliness.

No one is there but you and the pain of an unspeakable vacuum. If you have the courage to dwell in that solitude without escaping, without trying to understand, with no expectation, resistance or hope, the door can open. Then can you encounter yourself as the one You are beyond thought, fear, or projection.

Nowhere to go, nothing to compare, nothing to know… – but this ineffable Now.

Free from sorrow, free from desire, free from worry and the heavy fetter of time.

That´s homecoming. 

A deluded mind can never learn to love

You are really on your own. Just you and Life.

There is nowhere to go, no one is
really waiting for you, no one caring, cause nobody
really loves you, as they are all deluded,
they only love what you represent for them.

This insight hurts like hell; only your courage
to dispassionately grasp your own solitude is the ticket
to healing and to unalterable peace within.

Confronting Sorrow heals you from sorrow.

Know that there is only you Now,
there is no such thing as “later”:
Postponing will but enhance illusion,
your issues and your self-deceit.

If you are to understand this, this has to happen Now,
this very second.

If you don´t, you will eternally indulge in excuses,
continuing with the same silly and nonsensical
mental and emotional escape-patterns.

A letter to Paul about depression

What is depression at the end of the day? Why do we get depressed? Who is depressed really? You, me, or the world in general?

You see, these may seem superfluous questions, but they are not.

What kind of world do we live in when a 21-years-old youngster has – as you state – serious depression and is on heavy medication?

Whose crisis are we speaking about here…? Mine, yours, or the crisis of this age, which has turned its back to real Life and lives on total false and insane premises? You, me, each one of us is like a quote of this general present world illness, and that is the real issue we have to confront.

We are not feeling well, and we can say that it is each and everyone´s responsibility to heal and recover. But how can we recover when the world around us is utterly diseased? Suppose you are “healed”, but then you go out in the world and get sick again.

Do you realize that when taking medication to feel better, you try unconsciously to “mend” the world around you…?

What is the purpose of medication really…? What is medication trying to compensate?…Can medication substitute our lost humanity, our loss of love, meaning and direction…?

I never thought about this in this way, but it strikes me that Depression is ultimately Un-lived Life. When we don´t live we become ill – it may seem like an oversimplifying truth but so it is.

The world – as it is just now – , doesn´t live, and what is worse, it doesn´t allow none of us to live, it has consciously or unconsciously declared war to life, to natural law and real sentiment. We have undone ourselves. The world lives in a veiled state of collective suicide.

Everybody knows this, and yet we escape this predicament in every thinkable way.

There is nowhere you can turn for a mouthful of “fresh and real” life. And our soul, as it finds no way of expressing itself through natural living, becomes ill. This inner illness takes many manifestations. It is enough to look around with unbiased eyes att the increasing number of neurosis and uncommon diseases around.

Indeed I have this blatant feeling as I write now – THERE IS NOWHERE TO GO, everything is fucked up. Nothing real to do, other than partaking in a twisted idiotic farce, wherever you turn – be it Europe, America, Asia or whatever.

As it appears to me right now, the only valuable thing is to try to confront this horrid and insidious reality, engage in a serious and honest dialogue about this, trying to unfold all these layers of Fear Illusion and Delusion, which have brought us to the most disgusting existential drama ever fancied.