Can we surrender to the natural process, allowing it to heal us?

These days I need very much to clear my head. Stress is like a jacket that I can’t take off. I will breath and sit and walk. Seek solitude, stillness. I will regain myself.

Like never before, these last days I have been under a lot of pressure too. Stress has felt like a straitjacket. Really as if there was no escape.

So in those moments you feel totally cornered. Choice-less. As if whatever you try is of no avail.

Oftentimes I realize with astonishment that we might just as well have given ourselves the right answers long before, but have a hard time to integrate and act on them. In this sense your earlier comment is very enlightening:

“What I pursue always eludes me. What I treasure simply comes to me.

This is such an important thing. To pursue an objective is to set up a duality that dooms the very effort. We feel a sense of failure when we don’t get our hands on what we seek. And we feel unsatisfied when we do.”

Now, this may sound infeasible:

But against all odds, and without any sentimentality, COULD WE TREASURE THIS ANGUISH, OR STRESS – as we call it – as if it was a precious treasure? Could we…?

Instead of hardly struggling to take it off, to get rid of it through different “methods” – breathing and sitting and seeking solitude – , could we just contemplate our harsh predicament with greatest equanimity?…

Can we apply your insight here, namely to let go of the “duality that dooms the very effort”, seeing the pursuit to heal as a total failure, and instead surrender to the natural process, allowing it to truly heal us?…

Only the projection – which is the outcome of duality – can be “regained”, whereas Oneness – who we really are – can neither be gained nor lost.

The ego is just a program that’s playing in your head

Some days ago I had this weird thought of referring to myself – to this
Julien Matei – in the third person.
I thought I was totally going berserk fo a little while, entertaining this idea.

And so later on I bumped into her words. So reassuring, it showed I was not so crazy
after all.
She writes:

“I think that observing the ego in the third person will help me not take its antics so personally.

Sure, it might get crazy thinking of myself in the third person and translating what this
means for the decision-making mind.

But living in the ego is insanity already, right? From the observing mind I can see the ego as unreal and impersonal and let it go. The ego is just a program that’s playing in my head, and I do not have to interact!!

I can only see myself as perfect if I see myself as not the ego..

`Only reality is free of pain. Only reality is free of loss. Only reality is wholly safe. And it is only this we seek today.´

Which means that anything that doesn’t fit within those parameters isn’t real. So why should I look upon the body and the world as though they are real, as though they are really “me”? There is only mind, and I want my mind to belong to Oneness.”

Indeed, as for me, when my ego is absent, I feel the overwhelmingly soothing truth of these words in the space between two thoughts…It is there…- as sudden glimpses…And right away the ego swoops on me,
making me believe that it was no more than the figment of my imagination.

Yet, deep inside I feel that this joyous Presence – who is the real “me” – is steadily there second by second, unaffected by none of the ego´s foolish whims.

Such solace to know that…

Nothing of big value can ever be explained. It can only be intimated.

Separation can never grasp the Whole.

Irrespective of being sometimes “right”, Reason sees whatever it wants to see…as it cannot grasp Oneness. Different points of view remain just that: points of view…

The path to Truth is the pathless Path.

Ain’t we all doomed then!…

Oh yes,
Within the narrow bounds of our “humanness” living separate lives, indeed we are.

Only when having the courage to no longer commit to any particular idea or point of view, letting go of the known, thus “losing” and abandoning ourselves completely, then we may glimpse beyond duality…

That´s our only salvation…

And this solution – this idea – coming from the doomed humanity?!

If utter “hopelessness” is still an idea…then of course, it´s just a fake solution…
Learning to die every second isn´t…

He: Fake solution…
Utter hopelessness is an option to choose. Not the only option.
We might as well continue
the way we have been, not chasing after every new fad. So many options …
What’s the proof for your idea that “dying every moment isn’t”?
Or it’s just a gamble?

Let´s put it like this:

If you were attacked by a hungry tiger, or a car was about to smash you,
do you have then “options”, or one single…namely, to fully confront the moment finding
an immediate way to deal with it?…

That single Choiceness is the utter hopelessness of facing What is. A matter of life and death.

Our hopelessness is the very fact that we don´t recognize the inherent danger of living with “choice”…We think we have “time”…- and so we irretrievably flee into choice avoiding confrontation…

We always chase some gain, even when we intend to “lose” it all… – even when we use similar words like “hopelessness”.

There is no proof.

There is no gamble either. We can gamble only at the level of “either-or”.

The cessation of “either-or” is a leap of faith.

Or un-faith.

The essence of the Tao – unknown teaching of Lao-tzu

My teachings are simple; if you try to make a religion or science of them, they will elude you. Profound yet plain, they contain the entire truth of the universe.

Those who wish to embody the Tao should embrace all things. To embrace all things means first that one holds no anger or resistance toward any idea or thing, living or dead, formed or formless. Acceptance is the very essence of the Tao. To embrace all things means also that one rids oneself of any concept of separation; male and female, self and other, life and death. Division is contrary to the nature of the Tao. Foregoing antagonism and separation, one enters in the harmonious oneness of all things.

The Tao gives rise to all forms, yet it has no form of its own. If you attempt to fix a picture of it in your mind, you will lose it. This is like pinning a butterfly: the husk is captured, but the flying is lost.

Those who wish to attain oneness must practice undiscriminating virtue. They must dissolve all ideas of duality: good and bad, beautiful and ugly, high and low. They will be obliged to abandon any mental bias born of cultural or religious belief. Indeed, they should hold their minds free of any thought which interferes with their understanding of the universe as a harmonious oneness. The beginning of these practices is the beginning of liberation.

I confess that there is nothing to teach: no religion, no science, no body of information which will lead your mind back to the Tao. Today I speak in this fashion, tomorrow in another, but always the Integral Way is beyond words and beyond mind. Simply be aware of the oneness of things.

The ego is a monkey catapulting through the jungle: Totally fascinated by the realm of the senses, it swings from one desire to the next, one conflict to the next, one self-centered idea to the next. If you threaten it, it actually fears for its life. Let this monkey go. Let the senses go. Let desires go. Let conflicts go. Let ideas go. Let the fiction of life and death go. Just remain in the center, watching. And then forget that you are there.

Courtesy of

The whole Universe hears a leaf falling…

What is depression ultimately?

This is a longer post. But whoever is interested to delve into this huge
subject matter – Depression – will find this highly enlightening.

I think for me, depression is largely a misunderstanding. Misunderstanding of my position in the world at large, so to speak. For me, my depression, at least at its root causes has been a fundamental misunderstanding about the universe in which I thought for some reason I was somehow supposed to know, with 100% absolute certainty, what I was to do in the world. I asked myself terribly difficult questions, big questions, that I expected myself to be able to answer – questions like “Why am I here?” This was all at very young age, or at least started when I was quite young. But I took them quite seriously, I was expecting and expected to know the unknowable. That is, quite frankly, the cause of my depression – at least that is how I have come to understand it.

The non-life you speak of is a result of this gross misunderstanding about the nature of life (I am not sure if these are the most accurate words). As in, I experience non-aliveness because of my misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what is knowable as a fact versus what I must just live out, experience or take action in order to sort of “find out.” I am not sure if this is making sense nor am I sure if I am expressing exactly what I want to say so I will leave you with that for now.

I “hear” your words here, but also try to reach “beyond” them too…trying to figure out what you say without (mis)interpreting you.

Indeed – this is a very different outlook: depression is for you some kind of ontological misuderstanding…interesting – I have to admit.

Let´s analyze what you say here and see what you really are saying:”For me, my depression, at least at its root causes has been a fundamental misunderstanding about the universe in which I thought for some reason I was somehow supposed to know, with 100% absolute certainty, what I was to do in the world. I asked myself terribly difficult questions, big questions, that I expected myself to be able to answer – questions like “Why am I here?”…

What strikes me here is that according to your surmise, Depression derives from your “inability” to “know”. That being said, the natural question is:

  • What is “knowing” or knowledge ultimately?

  • Can we split reality into Knowing and Un-knowing?

  • Who knows and who knows not?…

That being said, can one know anything with 100% absolute certainty??….Especially when this “knowing” refers to “doing” something?…

  • Who is this entity within you who wants to know, and expects you “to know”…?

  • What do you want to know? And above all, WHY?….

Follow me on this please:

Can you see that Knowing or Knowledge means separation? That is, the Distance between “the Knower” and “the Known”.

If there was no gap between What is – You – and what it is supposed to be – Knowledge – would you need “to know” anything?…No…because if you were “whole”, you would know because you simply know, not because you expect or try to know…

What I hear subsequently, is that you have been attempting to understand what Cleavage – or Separation, or for that matter, Isolation – is about.

When you love and feel loved, you just simply know the Why-s of existence.

Meaning that when you say “Why am I here” is in fact, “Why am I not here” or
“Why am I not to love and to be loved??”… With other words, since early age, you saw instinctively the state of the present world, namely, that you were here, but not allowed to be What You Really Are: WHOLE.

No one has shown you anything but Separation from yourself, yet no one could tell you about this, as they are all separated, everybody suffers from this disease…

So again, you were trying to reach “the un-knowable”, that is, to find out WHAT HUMANS REFUSE TO SEE, NAMELY – SEPARATION!

What is knowable as a fact and what you just must live out, seem to be different things but this is pure delusion. What is knowable – or what should be knowable and what must be lived out, IS IN FACT THE SAME THING, but we don´t recognize it as such.

There is no action required from you “to know” or find out, as YOU KNOW WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT, because you are alive.


You are what you are, there is no distance to What is and You, – just embrace and accept the pain you see in yourself and in the world, knowing that you are here to heal this pain!!

What are we longing for really?…

Everybody is longing for something.

Quite obvious, Yearning is the motivation behind every person´s action.

I don´t remember someone to have ever questioned this, but
I see myself compelled to look into the very nature of yearning,
as longing has only brought me overwhelming sorrow and distress.

It is so paradoxical – the more I longed the less I received. No matter what.

The more I longed for something the more distance I created between me and
the desired thing.

Really, yearning has felt like a curse. The more yearning, the more sorrow
I received. Invariably, the more unfulfilled I felt.

So after so many years of pondering, I seem to have come to some kind
of insight about this. What happens is that WHEN WE YEARN, WE CREATE TIME repudiating here and now, reinforcing the separation between our desire and its fulfillment.

It comes down to this: if you want something or someone, you have to stop yearning,
raising the most uncomfortable question:


What is fulfillment ultimately?

Can it be that whatever longing, is longing after the ineffable Oneness, with Yourself…

Longing enhances duality, and  AS LONG AS WE ARE CAUGHT IN DUALITY,
we will most likely indulge in even more suffering and distress.

I wish I had a clear answer on this, but as far as I can see
if we want to realize what we long for, we have to stop longing and “reach out” for that very inexplicable state of initial non-duality – oneness – which is our most truthful nature. 

If I say “Oneness”, for most people this word will sound like a total absurdity – a mere lifeless concept – that´s the difficult part since very few humans have ever tasted what
Oneness entails.

We have to start living as if duality didn´t exist.

In plain language, if you want to have what you yearn for, you have to drop yearning, “reaching”- that is, being in – a state of veritable, unfeigned contentment AS IF YOU ALREADY HAD ALREADY THAT DESIRED THING. Once feeling dignity and contentment, you will have a fairly better chance to fulfill your longing. 

Does it make sense…?

The greatest challenge

Really, life in today-world has become a living hell.

Chaos, stupidity, conflict at all levels, neurosis, inner and outer disorder, psychic discomfort, unspeakable inner turmoil, spiritual and material shortage, greed and stinginess, ugliness of the worst kind taken for beauty, mendacity, hypocrisy and pretense, hollowness, absence of sense.

What is worst, is the blatant absence of genuine relation, total disinterest for the other, indifference to “whatever is not mine”, indeed, MAN HAS BECOME TOTALLY AUTISTIC.

It is hopeless: whatever you do, you feel you cannot reach the other, nothing impresses, no matter how articulate, skilful or subtle you are.

What is conspicuous, is that Emotion has become taboo.

As Life is Emotion, it is obvious that MAN WANTS TO BE DEAD.

“Death is my virtue, I don´t want to feel, I want to be numb, left alone. If you interfere and dare make me feel, awake my conscience, I´ll severely punish you”, that´s the tacit message.

All this stuff that humanity is on the verge of great transformation is kindergarten story.
Unsubstantiated New Age gibberish for gullible fools.

Let´s face it: IT IS BAD.


When you have the guts to dispassionately see and admit how things really are, when you lucidly grasp that Man is nowadays morally and spiritually bankrupt and insane, then and only then, you can be ready for A REAL CHANGE.

You realize that you are ready to give up any sense of man-made authority. That means that DESPITE the bankruptcy of this distressed age, you can see THROUGH and BEYOND.

To see “through and beyond” means to have the guts of facing and assuming this factual state, leaving behind “humanity” and accepting your loneliness, and establish A REAL RELATION TO INEFFABLE SELF. 


Oneness is beyond belief, conformity or authority.
Oneness is your courage to give up your false humanity.


Yes, once you have established a veritable relation with “the Unutterable”,

In this imperishable relation to Self, even if this world would fall apart, you would still remain unaffected, composed and well.





The skill of purposely limit yourself

I just re-read this post. I think it is valuable reading:

Learn to limit yourself

Talking to a Master

It´s a longer dialogue but it is worth reading it:

The one who understands you best is no one but you. Embrace yourself!
– So true, we keep looking for ourselves in others…
– For sure, we look usually for people and circumstances that have nothing to do with us…
– Why is that?
– Despair, the agony of being lonely, not seen…of not having a real sense of belonging anywhere…
– True…
– You know, SEPARATION was and is still traumatic for each one of us…
People don´t realize the cause of their trauma. This immemorial trauma is often hidden within.
– Very well put – for sure, SEPARATION IS MONSTROUS…Most of the people will never get to know this: The Divine Madness is that the God Mind separated itself from Itself. That is the thing we call Creation. Calderon was seemingly right when he said that the worse and greatest offense to man is that he was ever born.

 -When Fear is dissolved – fear being separation – then we get to see more sense than now, when we are separated…Do you find this unlikely?…
– Not at all, I see things in a similar manner.
– Do you understand the sense of being separated?
– How do you see it?
– The dissolution of Ego is attainable to very few…Most of the people will never manage to step out of Fear.

 – Fear is their identity…
– Beyond fear is Unity. Only in this Oneness you can see what Separation is really about…It is almost impossible to put it in words. HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN when most humans never had such an experience to which they can relate…
– How could they have…? We all live in disunity – cleavage and disunion is our mother´s milk through eons…That´s why common man has a hard time getting this...
– I guess you could say that.

– Only this primordial Oneness is our Salvation. The Healing we all ache for.
– Well yes, the return to Who We really Are.
– All diseases, suffering and atrocities seem to be the result of this split, the Primordial Separation – I guess that´s what the major religions call the original Sin.
– Yes, so it is.
– But this is unfathomable… – it seems to me that the Divine Mind has kind of splitted itself deliberately creating this monstrous separation, which to me seems like pure madness. Is Calderon right…? Obviously, Creation contains inherently all these outrageous realities like dreadful suffering, sorrow, illness, you know, all the dark sides…Is the Divine Mind mad…?
– When you will penetrate deeper, totally coming out of the Illusion of Separation, you will see things differently.

(To be continued)