Loneliness, suffering and the secret of healing

Ann Joseph commenting a post of mine:

Loneliness and emotional issues of us is quite an old concept. Being a folklorist, I have seen evidence of loneliness in proverbs & folklore from several cultures. One Yiddish proverb on loneliness I want to quote here, is “When an orphan suffers, no one notices; when he rejoices, the whole world sees it.” from my site http://cuteproverbs.com/proverbs-by-topic/loneliness-quotes/.

I guess one thing poorly understood is the difference between Loneliness and Solitude. In the former the person is not comfortable with the self but in Solitude, he is in perfect harmony with the self. Isn’t it? Once we learned this difference through experience, he is capable of handling hard times ahead.


It´s very hard to put this in few words, I could go on forever what loneliness entails.

To be concise, Loneliness is basically Absence, isn´t it? Loneliness is to be estranged from Self – that´s for sure.

Since this present Culture is basically the outcome of this estrangement, it is natural that our parents and tutors have raised us in this absence.

Our civilization is a civilization of orphans really, let´s face it.

“When an orphan suffers, no one notices”. No one notices cause everybody suffers,
that´s why people are deaf to each other´s suffering. Most humans think that life is about suffering, despite their refusal to admit it.

As suffering is the issue, very few – if any – come “to rejoice”, that is, to heal themselves from this inner torment.

The one who rejoices, is the one who consciously takes the road “back” to Self,
consciously going through all levels of personal and collective suffering,
facing man´s worst nightmarish drama – Separation – going through and beyond it, into primordial Unity with Self.

Reuniting with Self is restoring Life to its original aspect, it is Healing,
and this “rejoicing” – the real Solitude with Self – will therefore be heard by everybody, as everybody secretly wants to heal.

  • Related post: julienmatei.com/2013/03/11/unbelievably-sad/

Finding the right words to your emotions

One of our greatest sufferings is
the inability to specify and come to grips
with what haunts us.

The Here with no There

Our unwillingness to acknowledge what is really happening within us, costs us dearly.

In vain we try to compensate outwardly what is to be seen and accepted inwardly.

In order to understand the inner mechanisms, we have to stop fleeing – we have to put a stop to striving, as striving is not assuming “what is”…
“What is”, is …and unless it is seen as such, it never changes, in spite of all changes we hardly try to achieve…

To put it differently, “what is” doesn´t belong to the realm of duality.
It is Here which knows no “There”.
“There” is a figment of our imagination only. It is very tricky, cause for sure, on one hand, duality exists, yet in terms of “what is”, duality ceases to exist. Only when duality stops, What is, can be seen as such.


At some point, we need to look suffering in the face, and realize that it exists due to our unassuming suffering. Very paradoxical…

But whoever is ready, will SEE AND UNDERSTAND THESE

A dialogue between Raunak and me


It is indeed thought provoking and does take more than one reading to comprehend to a fair degree.
Many philosophies point towards letting go of ego to experience true joy. I agree with this thought as far as ego equals vanity.
But the moment these suggestions point towards one’s mind and direct people to aim towards thoughtlessness, I no longer agree.
The way out of pain and suffering is not trying to get rid of the “I”. This method is very difficult, if not completely impossible. The way towards bliss, according to me, is becoming more aware of the “I”, developing the knowledge to identify causes of emotions and becoming a witness to oneself. It does not lie in shunning desires, but in being able to identify the nature of these desires and master them.

That, which is natural cannot be discarded or prevented from occurring. Desires, vanity, ego, fear, love are natural emotions. Freeing oneself from them does not mean that one will never experience them. It means that when they do arise, one knows how to deal with them. Happiness lies in becoming a Master of our emotions, and not someone emotionless.


You see how easy is to “read in” things I never said.

I never mention in this post something about “emotionless” or “shunning desires” – on the contrary I claim that ego out of fear to lose control, doesn´t stand and hampers true desire and passion. .
That´s exactly what happens: that, which is natural IS either discarded or prevented by the ego from occurring – to put it bluntly – ego cannot stand “natural occuring”

If you “know” in advance how to “deal” with emotion, it means that we know nothing about being sponataneous, and in fact, are afraid of emotions, we are afraid of Life, as life is emotion, a totally unknown, sponteneous and unpredictable movement. .

As a final word in this comment:

Contrarary to what it is ubiquitously said – LOVE IS NOT EMOTION. Love is ineffable Presence.


The final word is something I’m going to agree with


What Is Living – a dialogue between me and Richard

In my opinion this is one of the most essential posts I have written. Reading this carefully can bring a major change in your perception.

What I’ve learned from the Buddhists and which is really hard to understand: there is no I or me. So the question of yours might be more precise if we say “Living is finding out WHAT YOU ARE”. One of the milestone steps towards this is to get rid of all conventional definitions. I know, this seems so be contradictory and it surely is sometimes. But that’s also a part which has to be learned. You got to skip all the sometimes so hardly learned patterns. You got to skip all thoughts about the past and the future. You got to skip the gossip in your mind. You got to skip the judge and the lawyer in your mind.

“One of the milestone steps towards this is to get rid of all conventional definitions”, you say.

Indeed, perfectly put.
Now, the huge problem with names, conventions and definitions is that they are basically the outcome of Fear. Ego – which is fear – loathes the unknown, hence it tries perpetually to ensure its safety through creating symbols for its insecurity – names, definitions, tradition, “knowledge”. It cannot function outside Habit. Habit is obsessively reinforcing repetition, it is fear of looking outside the pattern. Ego can never be free as its intrinsic symptomatic nature is conditioning and resistance to Life.

To put it bluntly, ego hates and constantly struggles against Life…

It is contradictory to try to rid ourselves of conventional definitions cause WHO ARE WE WITHOUT THESE PREVALENT DEFINITIONS AND PATTERNS? For most humans, this is the most nightmarish undertaking, namely “to skip all the hardly learned patterns”.

“If I skip thought, pattern, currently accepted methods and procedures WHO, OR WHAT AM I THEN…?
I have nothing left, all my “serious” pursuits show to be naught…” This, for sure, is the most fearful challenge for most humans. This process equals death in most people´s mind – ego confronting its own nothingness.
Fearing death is but a projection based on apprehension of losing this futile identity build on separation and fear.

Ego is Absence. Ego tries desperately to protect itself – its nothingness – through constant struggle, harsh dominion, aggressiveness, ubiquitous conflict, competing and punishing all “other” egos. What else can it create other than pain and suffering?…

What is most preposterous and contradictory is that Ego hates Joy. And that because true joy is participation – feeling always inferior, it refuses to participate, seeking invariably supremacy, trying vainly to be “special”. The same goes for real Passion – passion makes the ego utterly fearful of its own dissolution.

So obviously, when you skip all these ego´s “prerogatives” what remains after all that is an ineffably simple joy for living. No fears, no sorrows.


Letting go of ego, you are free to meet the greatest and most grandiose being – THE REAL YOU…

How on earth can one bring to life this insight so people can realize this?…



We reap what we sow

Running away from pain and suffering creates even more suffering. We all are intertwined, so everything happening around is in fact also my responsibility. Responsibility means etymologically, my ability to respond rightly from my real self.

AS LONG AS WE OBSTINATELY HOLD TO SELF-DELUSION AND LIE, PURPOSELY NUMBING AND BLINDING OURSELVES, going against common sense refusing to acknowledge blatant evidence. then yes…we deserve the “dire” consequences…As these consequences are not dire in themselves, they are just the mirror of our dire mendacity. It´s so simple: we reap what we sow…

Answering a friend

When we unreservedly start to acknowledge our pain and suffering, both within and around us, dropping our self-importance and self-deceit, when having the courage to heal thoroughly, humbly reaching out to one another encouraging each other in the pursuit of Self…yes, only in that very readiness, the grace and beauty of the Universe can reveal their mighty secret…