A magic moment

She was with her mother in the beautiful country church.

Three years old is she … Ida.
She saw the grand piano, and although she had never taken 

a tone before, she rushed to the keyboard and started playing.
Playing for real. Most coherently.

The mother was totally bewildered.

“Yes mother, I’ll play for the dead …” she said with a simple but solemn tone …

Why do 3 year olds know things that “grown ups” never want to fathom?…

About memory, practice and repetition

buddhasal says:

Is something that we do so well not an act from memory developed through repetition? One doesn’t use memory conspicuously at times but it is implied that if you do something well then you learned it from practice and isn’t practice something stored in memory for use later?

Good question:
“Is something that we do so well not an act from memory developed through repetition?”
Memory, repetition and practice…Let us try to give it a thought and find out together what´s what.

That´s for sure, without me being able to write and speak English properly, I couldn´t write here. For the record, I am not sure always as to my appropriate usage of the language. However, quite evidently, it has taken me years of reading and pondering to be able to expose an idea reasonably well.

The same applies to piano playing or painting, or whatever other skill. In order to fulfill your ability, it takes years of practise, of commitment and perseverance…you know, what is usually considered “hard work” is undoubtedly a fact, if you want to reach excellence.

What you say is right: “it is implied that if you do something well then you learned it from practice and isn’t practice something stored in memory for use later?”

Let me tell you that I am – what they call – a very versed pianist. I have been playing the piano since I was five, attempting to improve this skill my whole life. Once, after a very demanding concert, a five-year-old kid went to the piano and JUST PLAYED TWO NOTES.Those tones were so pure so I was taken aback. I realized with greatest awe, that THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME “THE GOOD PIANIST” AND THE BOY WHO NEVER TOUCHED A PIANO BEFORE BUT PLAYS ONE NOTE…

You know, this very episode turned my so-called world upside down…It was probably one of the moments which triggered my awakening. I spent all my life improving my skill and there comes a boy, and with two tones, he overthrows all my then current beliefs…

So the question is: who is better off…? The beginner or the connoisseur?
The one who “knows”, or the one who is inexperienced and “doesn´t know”?

Isn´t memory many times just a tool to perpetrate my identity which is nothing but my self-importance?
Isn´t my identity and self-importance the walls I raise so that we cannot reach each other…?

What is the target for my practising…? Why do I repeat day in day out the same thing…? The answer is quite evident: I TRY TO BE SOMEONE. No matter what, I always struggle to assert myself.

If my only gain is self-assertion, it means that you automatically become my enemy – can you see that? Your plans can never coincide with mine as long as I fight for “my thing” and you for yours.

If we look closely, does anything repeat itself?…What is repetition at the end of the day?

Obviously, Repetition is inherent in ego´s nature, and through memory, practise and repetition the Ego magnifies its “everlasting” importance blowing up its illusion of being separate.

If we have eyes to see, we can understand that:
Nothing ever repeats itself, if there is no separate entity to watch and witness…

When I let go of memory, practise, repetition, when I drop the idea of “later” too, then I am ever new. Second by second. Being “new” every moment, I am free, I have nothing to defend. Only fear – that is identity – can be defended.

So the very idea of identity generates the illusion of memory, repetition and practise.

When this is understood, you will realize that in this new gained freedom, you are being “remembered”. With other words, you let go of Memory and trust the ineffable Now. In this joyful trust, you have an immediate relation to life, you have energy, that is, you can create something without repetition. You no longer define yourself through “WHAT WAS” but through WHAT IS.
What is, is Life happening now. When you live in present tense, there is no gap
anymore between Everything There Is and You.

Being in direct contact with What is, is unforeseen immense potential!

ONLY WHAT IS, IS TRUE. Everything else is senseless literature.


Being courteous can sometimes be fatal

Some two weeks ago, I was sitting and writing at a cafe. A guy I know came to me and invited me over to his table, he was sitting together with his son.

I declined politely, I was in no particular mood for conversation being absorbed in my ideas.

So he stood by my table a little while and we changed a few words though. He told me about his son. The young man, I found out, was autistic. Very special. He could play the piano well, and had an incredible memory. It was enough for him to hear whatever tune, and he would just play it right away.

“You know”, he went on, ” he has also this amazing capacity – he feels people instantly. If he detects any negativity, he refuses to talk, he just walks away.” I admit, he sparked my interest. I was curious to see how the guy would react to my presence. As I felt how my inspiration had faded, and as they also were about to leave, I told him I could just come over to their table and greet his son.

The son was anxiously sitting waiting for his father. “This is Julien Matei, a friend of mine, he is also a pianist, I just wanted you to say hello.” Out of the blue, the young man raised brusquely from his chair, looking angry and conspicuously disturbed. His attitude was anything but equivocal:

“No, I don´t want to talk to you, go to hell, leave me alone!” he shouted.
“Yes…but Julien is a friend, he is nice…” tried the father…
“God damn it, don´t you hear, I want to go home!”

At first I was taken aback by his vehement response. It was fiercely unfriendly and
ill-mannered. But…


Really…I had never witnessed a more atrociously true demeanor. Uncouth yes,
but unambiguously frank…Rarely did someone move me the way this autistic boy did. What a lesson of dignity and integrity…

My parents – especially my mother – brought me up to be nice and amiable with everybody. But this undifferentiated courtesy of mine has throughout my life been perversely inappropriate – a jinx really.

This inadequate politeness has been really disastrous. It has made that I allowed different bastards to use and take advantage of my friendliness and benevolence. I should have walked away instantly many times. But being taught to be courteous, I have wasted precious time with different people who just deserve a healthy, liberating and prompting FUCK OFF or GO TO HELL.

It would have been much more dignified, fair and emotionally correct.

But finally… – this autistic boy has taught me the right lesson.

Julien – the Illusion Conqueror

Hi monsieur conqueror d’illusion,

How far have your efforts succeeded to become a child again?

Have You stopped reading?
Have You stopped playing the piano?
Have You stopped to listen to classical music?


Great questions.

My ego did whatever it could to choke The Beautiful Child in me. But this once so fragile and vulnerable child has won the victory. It has gone through thousands of deaths. Yet… It was so strong in its “fragility” so it showed to be absolutely and irresistibly unstoppable.

So now I can say:

I have stopped reading but still read sometimes. I find great pleasure in writing though 🙂 Uttering these words to you now, feels great.

I have stopped playing the piano, but now Piano is playing me. So wonderful…

When it comes to music, with very few exceptions, I can´t listen to it anymore. It is a total nuisance, especially classical music which bores me to death.
( Please don´t say that to all connoisseurs and music professors 😀 😛 )


I only listen to the fabulous music within me.

Yes, I have started to compose like a fury – from the most simple, innocent dainty and delicate sounds to absolute powerful, corybantic ecstasy.

You can imagine what it is in-between 🙂


1. I won’t tell anybody about your attitude towards classical music :-)
2. I share your opinion about that.
3. Writing here give me great pleasure, too. The bad thing is that it takes a lot of time. Time which I should use to earn money, somehow. But still, I can’t stop writing – although I can reduce a bit …… only a bit.
4. I feel kind of distorted when it comes to reading. On the one hand I’d like to skip all gaining of knowledge. On the other hand I find those wonderful and enlightening sentences of Eckhart Tolle. It’s obvious that if I hadn’t have read Tolle, Krishnamurti, Brahm it would have taken some more years or even decades until my finding out about all those circumstances and relationships between me and the universe.
How about you?

(To be continued) 🙂

Culture and conditioning

Culture cannot exist without memory.

Culture means tradition. And tradition?…- It means obsessively repeating certain patterns again and again, thus creating conditioning – that is, ever reinforcing the past.
Culture is time. As we want to ensure our survival, we see time as continuity and possession, and so we create – among other peculiarities – “classical music”.

So basically it all boils down to this: the “classical” versus this very moment…

Is this very moment “classical”? Hardly ever… Does the moment need to have continuation and become “classical”? No it doesn´t – unless we start to categorize it. All problems arise when we start “classifying” the moment.

What´s more important? The child – taking some nonsensical tones on a piano –, or a symphony by Beethoven? If we are sane, we wouldn´t give a damn about Beethoven´s music and rejoice in those few tones of the child.

It is all about this: a child tinkling – which is the metaphor for the joy of Now – or Beethoven which means tradition. Tradition versus now. Tradition killing us systematically…
Beethoven´s music (tradition) suffocating our Soul (our graceful Now)…

WE TRANSFORM THE MOMENT INTO “CLASSICAL” BEFORE IT HAS A CHANCE TO BE ALIVE. Living is therefore “possessing” for most humans, that´s why they are afraid of Now. Most people have no real life, due to being possessed by the culture they are part of…

So yes, in this perspective, – with few exceptions like Prokofiev, Stravinsky or Scriabin – I find Western music from Bach on, incredibly tedious and redundant. The heart beats now, and our entrenched perception turns this Now into preposterous abstraction. And of course, ABSTRACTION IS HEARTLESS as it tries to reach the timeless through thought patterns.

The intention is positive yet the outcome disastrous.

To make my point:

A great zen flute player was once invited to perform at the court of some Chinese Emperor. So there was the musician in the front of the noble audience. He takes his flute, blows one single tone, bows and leaves. Nobody heard from him ever since. .

The most unusual piano lesson

Some years ago, I was supposed to give a piano lesson to a 11-years-old Swedish girl.

To make it short, we began to improvise something – she had never played piano before – and as she felt safe with me, belive it or not, she began playing!!! the most incredible peculiar song. Her improvisation sounded similar to Carmina Burana of Carl Orff – it was incredibly coherent piano playing, and, what was astounding is that she sang along in a langauge I HAD NEVER HEARD BEFORE! It was an eery combination of Latin and old Italian. It was unbelievable, it was like she was in trance…I could almost discern the words she sang…A sad story about a curse, a monster and a girl kidnaped…oh, if I had words to depict the curious and odd melody she was both murmuring and crying out…It was some kind of conjuration…I was enthralled and taken aback…

I told her narcissistic and fatuous mother about her daughter`s unusual talent, and she dismissed me with a distorted and idiotic smile, totally ignoring my words…

I don´t know what happened to that girl ever since…Never saw her again…

Think it over: how was it possible that a young girl with no connections to Italy was speaking that remarkably odd language? Where did it all come from?… Also considering that the girl had never played the piano before, how on earth could she start playing the most uncommon and complex melody?

How is one to explain that?…

A dialogue today


I just didn’t understand what you meant by impostors as everyone expresses themselves differently. I am new to computers, and no, my education is not the best, but have not been purposely portraying it to be any thing other than doing my own thing experimenting with a blog in a world that is new to me. I hope you are well and happy regardless of your thoughts about me, hope you still enjoy playing the piano, that is something I would like to learn one day, take care!

Me :

We are here in Mirrors of Encounters to express ourselves freely and without prejudice.
It is as important not to agree with a point of view cause friction creates energy to inquire further.

We change opinions, and doing that hopefully enriches us. It enriches me, for one

Know that I cherish good thoughts about you. It is all fine with you. You should care and love yourself regardless of others “good” or “bad” thoughts.

KEEP ON EXPERIMENTING!! We all do that. No one owns the truth :) We all try to find out what is suitable, proceeding from where we are.

The education system has forgotten this very fact, but “Education” means literrally, to bring forth what it is inside of you. So, if you are in touch with your inner source, you will get yourself whatever education you think you need.

And if you wish to play the piano, why don´t you start?

Linger a while

“I read books the same way I listen to music” he said.

I realized he speaks like a true musician without realizing his gift. A simple statement can conceal great unthought of perspectives…

“Have you ever tried playing an instrument?” I asked him.

“I started studying the piano, and I always mean to continue but never have done so” he replied.

In your words I somehow sense that you have a musical talent.

Unfortunately very few people, especially music teachers know that secret of music. Most of these tutors inhibit and destroy the talent of sensitive children. Did anyone discourage, dissuade you to play? What made lose you interest?

Play again – just sit down at the piano and improvise whatever comes to your mind. Take few notes and listen…!


Stockholm, Budapest, Romania

If this is not an amazing synchronicity, I don´t know what is…

Yesterday it was the first spring day in Stockholm. I went to my favourite café sitting on the terrace, seizing enchanted the longed-for sun rays and the coffee.

Despite the chilly wind, I was sitting in deep contentment smoking my cigar. A guy came by. He also smoked a good cigar.

“What do you think”, he asked timidly, “is it too cold to sit on the terrace?” Give it a try, you never know, I said jokingly…

He took a sit finally, overcoming his doubts. It was just the two of us sitting outside. We started to change a few words. As I was thinking of Budapest, longing for the great Callas cafe there, wondering how the weather is in Hungary, I happened to ask him whether he had been in central Europe lately.

“No, I haven´t”, he said. “But you know, I am so tired of this shallow modernity”, he continued. “the same malls everywhere, the same music, people with same attitudes, wearing same clothes, it is so boring, I would like to go to Romania as I heard that there are still places there which modernity hasn´t spoiled yet.”

Imagine the expression of his face when I told him I come from Romania…”This is really a weird coincidence” he uttered astonished…I did agree. Of all the existing countries… Romania.

I thought he was a poet. It showed that he was a film director.

When I told him that I am a concert pianist and composer he said : ” Do you happen to know Laszlo H.?”

“Of course I know Laszlo.” I replied smiling. He is a Hungarian pianist friend, who like me, has lived for a long time in Sweden.

To make it short, I was pleased to meet this man, he had a nice presence, we had a good laugh, we communicated easily and had an amiable dialogue.

A small world really…spring in Stockholm, my yearning for Budapest, Romanian ageless landscapes, pianists, composers and film directors…all these incredible occurrences in a single encounter on a windy terrace…

Anyway, who called me at noon today? Easy to guess… Laszlo. I haven´t heard from him in three years!! I spoke of him yesterday, he calls the day after…

We went out and had a great time together.

He has been living lately in Budapest, exactly the place I thought to go and visit again soon. 🙂

The little pianist

“I have to boast”, said a colleague of mine from Romania. “My 12 years old cousin won the first prize at some International Piano Competition in France”.
I am overjoyed when I  hear about  young talents  getting recognition abroad. l´ll check  it on the net. “Oh, don´t bother”, she said. “I have searched myself  and nothing comes out. Really, I thought that if  the little pianist  wanted real fame, he should have raped a 10 years old girl, and then he would have been  known both in  France and Romania in less than two days. Having great  criminal potential at 18 he would have been elected to the Senate. But alas, he can blame himself  for choosing to play the piano” 🙂 …