Relation is discontinuous


Where there is craving for continuity there is no relation.

It has taken me years to understand this

Making someone the reason of your happiness
is to actually deny and disempower yourself.

Love can never be real without genuine connection – a dialogue about intimate relations

I have been seeing a man who expects me to hang off his every word as though it’s never yet been thought, and yet, when I try to contribute to the conversation, he reads a newspaper, or looks around, and once I’ve said something, he proceeds to say “Sorry, what did you say?” Sometimes, he is so obviously engrossed in something else that even when I’m silent, he says “Sorry, what was that?” almost as an afterthought, or a pretense that he was trying to listen when he’s really just waiting for me to be quiet so he can speak again.

I don’t expect all my thoughts and comments to be mind-blowing, though they are certainly often outside of the realm of “normal”…but I do expect to be shown the respect of being heard, especially since he so desires that from me. Or. Perhaps I just need a new man-friend.

Because love – can never be real love – without genuine connection, and genuine connection cannot occur in a communication vacuum

Tell me, is he rich at least? 😛

No, but really…relations are a conundrum.

Sorry for being so overly frank, but how on earth can you put up with such a self-infatuated and conceited fellow?

The feminine psyche is a total paradox so I wonder:

Does his disrespectful attitude somehow secretly make you look up to him?

Is it something in this type of behaviour which inertially triggers you?

What made you fall for him after all?…

There are women who are turned off if shown too much interest and affectionate attention.
They tacitly ask to be dominated and demeaned and thus are unconsciously drawn to this type of male who keeps them in constant turmoil.

There are very few genuine and intimate relations in this world. Most of them are built on distance. Mutual exploitation. Whims. Manipulation. What draws people together is usually the false self.

It´s about time maybe you revise the motive behind your attraction to this guy, assuming your own words:

“Love can never be real without genuine connection, and genuine connection cannot occur in a communication vacuum.”

Indeed, it is ripe time we become aware and face our inner vacuum, and start the real communication with the True Self. Only then we may know what Love is about.

Why do certain people find each other, and others don´t?

It doesn´t seem to be a rule to anything.

It is peculiar really:

There are people who never give a thought about introspection and “self-work” and somehow find the “right” partner. This partnership may look like hell for others, but for those involved, it is nonetheless, the “real” thing.

And there are those few who have been working all their life with themselves, are honest, reliable, spiritually aware and talented and find no match. I have known throughout life many such lovable persons who, against all odds, are by themselves.

Is successful match a matter of luck?…Is it fate? Good karma…?

Seemingly, a truly good and “holy” relation entails much more than “inner work”.

After all, God knows what the “right” ingredients are…

PS This is a comment I made on her post. Of you want to read her article here it is:

Aren´t you tired to search in vain?

Isn´t it strange?

We invariably expect others to accept and love us, yet we don´t approve of and accept ourselves. In fact, others respond to how you see yourself, yes, to what you give or not give to yourself.

How can others be generous with us, if we are stingy with ourselves?

The more we try to find ourselves through others, letting exterior circumstances define who we are, the more stressed, unfulfilled and unhappy we become.

We secretly crave for others´approval, that is why we are so
concerned and afraid about their opinion, as in fact, we are afraid
to look inside ourselves.

As long as you fail to see that your own approval of yourself is the answer to the contentment and fulfillment you obsessively seek for in others, you will be the slave of everybody´s whims and mischief.

There is no one else to validate you other than you

She wrote:
“My fate is to lose in love every time. I am so confused that why it happens to me, so I asked my doctor about it. She said that there is no answer really, I just have to concentrate on my goals – to be a published author and keep on inspiring people. I sometimes feel that in inspiring others, I have lost a part of my self, especially my heart! People say, and I know that I am attractive, but my life has been in the hands of God – there is a strong sense of Destiny involved.

When I think of the future, I feel scared, I do not want a long life, I don’t want to live to a ripe old age! I feel like I am 100 years old already! The future seems hopeless, too vast, my strength is waning…”

My answer:

What is the significance of any goal whatsoever…?

Why do we generally need “goals”?

Simply put, to escape our deep dissatisfaction now.
“Goal” is the perfect means to escape this very moment.

If we were at ease, deeply contented, deeply present, we wouldn´t need “goals”,
as what is considered a goal would pretty much come by itself naturally
and gracefully.

You may be pretty much aware of this, if you are honest with yourself.

Let me put it straight, as there can be no misunderstanding as to the “rightness”
of my words:

We “lose” in love every time – failing to have fulfilling relations – because in
a sort of
weird way, we fail to love ourselves.

After all, you say it yourself: “I sometimes feel that in inspiring others,
I have lost a part of my self – especially my heart!”

It´s obviously ripe time for you to admit this truth: you are the one needing
your own attention, your own love. You need to find the deep-seated
inspiration in yourself, not outwardly.

When we use words like “God” or “Destiny”, they are in fact not real, as we but
tend to project are fears, shortcomings and illusions in these words.
Life has no “preferences”. Ultimately what we call God is
Universal Presence – Love with other words. If Love is free, how can it then
have any expectation on you?…

Back to the root question, the most difficult one:

How can you validate yourself? How can we love ourselves when no one has ever taught us how to really do it…?

Really, do we want to play hide and seek or do you want to love and be loved…?

The question here is: how can we awake our heart from being numb…?

Cause if our hearts are numb, we will meet other numb hearts.We have the answer in our sorrow: we have to heal through lovingly accepting our pain, acknowledging our present predicament. As long as we flee our pain, the bigger it becomes.

Usually, you are afraid of the future because your past is unresolved. And being
unresolved, it kills your Now, making you fear the future – the future not being more
than the projection of the past.

Bottom line:

Accept your pain and hardships cause there´s the answer to your life.

No matter how real it may seem, you are not your life story

Despite being a grown-up woman, Adina has unresolved issues with her father.

No wonder. The old man has throughout his life been a veritable pain in the neck:
self-absorbed, unbearably narcissistic, recklessly manipulative,
really, a pretentious, neurotic bastard. A maniac.

Everybody owns him. He is the most important person en earth. No one else counts, but his petty drama. Nobody puts up with him. Despite being 86 he is more infatuated than a furious youngster.

Whatever the daughter tries, no matter how nice and compliant she is with him,
he is never pleased.
This unsettling relation with her father, made her life an emotional mess. Up to the point that she has health problems. Similar symptoms like her mother, who eventually passed away some few years ago, as this rascal made the poor woman´s life a living hell.

On one hand Adina bitterly hates him, on the other, she feels guilty about him.
“Damn it”, she burst roguishly as we spoke in the phone “I could shoot this old bastard,
at the same time I feel sorry for him, in a sort of twisted way.”

I told her:

“You have to heed your own sorrow here. Stop internalizing his drama in you.
Just take him off your shoulders!
He will never change, but you can.
No matter how real the conflict is within you, your life story is not you.
Who You Really Are, is not part of the drama inflicted on you by your father!.

Next time you meet him, watch yourself while interacting with him, as if it was a film.
No matter how uneasy it may be, watch your emotions as if they were not you – be a secret and neutral witness to whatever is happening in the moment.

Take a step back and watch.

The moment you stop identifying with these overwhelming feelings,
you will gain a new and healthy perspective.
This new perspective is the real space within you. It is the healing space of
your awareness.
Even a short glimpse of this unutterable inner place, is enough so the shift
within can initiate.
Trust this glimpse! This immediate “thrill” is the key to your healing. Let
this process unfold!


Remember that this whole range of negative feelings is eventually not more than
random fiction, take my word for this, a story maintained and perpetuated
by your ego!