Is marriage a blessing or a curse?

 Culturemonk:
“What do you think? Are long-term friendships, marriages and other such possible?

What is the key to making them work?”

My comment:
I am being really honest here, I don´t know why “marriage” was invented at all. My mother in her moments of lucidity admits that “marriage is like a barrel: on the top honey, underneath shit.” Really, the marital institution doesn´t rhyme at all with life´s natural course.

It is an affront against common sense.

I have seen all too many examples: married couples remaining together due to fear and habit, due to a false sense of security, often, due to sheer cowardice. Of course, my words would surely be found offensive by all traditionalists, but I simply don´t care.

Why love a single person throughout your life…?

This sounds utopian, but If we had a sane and healthy community where Truth and Emotional Nearness would prevail, we wouldn´t make such an unnatural and crazy commitment to a single person. We would naturally love, enjoy and take care of each other, without written contracts or stupid egotic boundaries.

Everyone knows this, but they all refuse to acknowledge:

MAN IS NOT CREATED TO BE MONOGAMOUS…

EGO IS THE ROOT TO ALL EVIL and marriage is the institution where Ego and Separation is promulgated by law…
Marriage is where all violence, bigotry and conflict arises: “us against them”…My family, my clan, my nation…-ego, ego, ego…

As long as man restricts himself to live in the narrow limits of his ego, married or
not married, he will turn this life into hell.

I never learned how to be truthful

Let´s try this out:

I find her words highly meaningful. Instead of me replying to her comment, what would you answer to this woman saying this?

“I can & I do talk to my partner – to some extent he knows how I feel – but he cannot understand it.

My problem is this: I do not know, I have never learned – how to release this inner anger. I do not know how to not be irritated… what is it I want? I don’t know! I don’t even know! 

It is a question of wanting – needing – something different, a release – but not knowing what that IS… & thus, to some extent, this irritation, frustration, anger.

 

Perfectly emphasised

A person who doesn´t somehow have a sense of relationship with the Eternal
will rattle rather than speak.
– Alan Watts

Love needs no words

Many people are craving for company and love.
Similar to the girls I was surrounded by tonight.

It was quite bewildering to witness.
These women despite their striking beauty
were complaining about having a hard time
to attract a man.
You could feel their being sad about being mateless.

I told them that unless they take the trouble to know
WHO THEY ARE,
unless they find out and investigate what they really like,
love to do, discovering their inner center and real vocation in life,
they will keep attracting even more loneliness
and relational disappointment. 

Steve Strother says:

You made a very good point to those women, and it is good that you spoke up rather than being silent. Maybe they were not ready to hear your message that night but one or more of them might remember what you said and begin to understand it later (maybe years or decades later). By posting this conversation you have also given others the opportunity to learn from your message.

I agree with your point but have never put it in those same words. I have known so many people who stumble from one relationship to another without taking the time in between relationships, or within relationships, to really get to know themselves. They lose track of who they are without a relationship and become attached to the relationship itself. When they are not in a relationship they feel somehow not whole.

Life is a constant learning and growing process. You have to try to understand and know yourself as you learn and grow. You have to love yourself. Without that you cannot really ever expect someone else to know or love you. I could go on and on about this. Thank you for your post. It has helped me. I have been struggling with a way to talk to my kid’s (both in middle school) about love and relationships and the points you make here have provided me with a starting point!

Me:

I am so glad – it means quite a lot to read that my words have inspired and helped you.

God knows if any of these women will get the message while they still have their youth and beauty.

The thing is that if we fail to dispassionately see “what is”, if we are not hungry for the Truth, “later” means only inane postponing. We usually don´t see the danger of living in constant isolation, escape and distance from ourselves. Yes, Time is only our readiness or refusal to understand, and as facing reality is pretty awkward, we are afraid to investigate ourselves Now.

So of course most humans flee, stumbling from one “relationship” to another, remaining
attached only to a lie – their fear of finding out WHO THEY ARE.

People “love” the other for what the other is not…Terrible but true…

Without knowing WHO WE ARE, we can never offer real love. Or expect to be loved.

Just remember that when WE LOVE, no words are needed – your insight of this will provide your kids or the people coming your way, with the gift of letting them tacitly know.

https://julienmatei.com/2013/01/01/love-is-here-never-elsewhere/

An answer about friendship

We define ourselves through the relations we have. Friendship is sacred, having a good friend is indeed a precious treasure.

“It is not easy figuring out who is a friend and who is not” you say, and this is a vital fact of life:

If you wanna be a good friend to someone, first of all you have to be your own best friend, and then discern vigilantly who is loving you for the sake of love, and who is “loving” you for his own interest.
After many blows with people who were seemingly friendly, but only interested to take, I have learned to be awake, trust my perception and be my own friend above all.

It seems that only when you are your best friend, you seem to recognize genuine friendship.

Masters of dissimulation

It happens sometimes that you come across someone friendly who shares your interest to grow, to build a meaningful contact, maybe a friendship.

This person may show intelligence, even talent, he can have valuable insights. He can write, he can listen. He seems interested to investigate in that particular field, he can even come up with relevant feed back, to cut it short, you seem to have reached a consensus, when bum!… – out of the blue you understand that the words of this person meant absolutely nothing. That the whole discussion was phony, that you have given precious time to an unsound and reckless sham who has misused your time and your trust, and there you are again…left alone, suspended in disappointment, in the hollowness of his mendacity.

These impostors are more dangerous than any con-man:

They are shrewd and can flawlessly display a wide range of great qualities: talent, deep emotion, subtlety, empathy, yes, even love…Even for the experienced eye, it can all seem true and real…indeed, their ability to deceive and fool anyone is mind-boggling…

Pray to the Universe that you don´t bump into such frauds. Or if you do, to learn to outwit them – which almost requires otherworldly acuity.