I am at a crossroad no longer knowing where to

I´m in a kind of hopeless predicament:

Two years ago I started this so-called blog. During this time, I have toiled enormously, investing all my knowledge and skills, trying to bring about another “breath” of newness. I wanted to create a forum for dialogue, a place for meaningful exchange and interaction. For the time being, I am face to face with the realization that my belief to create a new context of unbiased openness and honesty, is but a childish dream.

I seem to have failed in my pursuit. I no longer see any point in continuing with Mirrors of Encounters.

It is impossible to go on with something that is not appropriately understood and reciprocated. It is like spreading precious water in the sand.

It seems that for the time being, the only one I should give things to, is myself. People sneak into my posts but don´t really get what I write about. If they did, more force and enthusiasm would come back to me. But it doesn´t. I kind of conjure up only my energy and wisdom to find myself kind of drained after. IT IS NOT RIGHT TO GIVE WITHOUT ENDORSEMENT.

It feels that I cannot continue spreading this valuable information for free. It is strange, but unless people pay for something, they don´t evaluate it. No matter that whatever I write about is said by Krishnamurti or others who “understood”, I DON´T FEEL HEARD.

Indeed, if what I write about would have been said by Jesus or Tolle or whoever,
you would probably believe it.

But since I am (only) Julien Matei, it is not thoroughly convincing.

Anyhow, I can take this solitude, but after writing and giving my all in these posts here I kind of feel even more “lonely”, yes, a sort of unpleasant solitude. Really, without any real feedback you cannot possibly continue.

People claim they want to change, prosper and heal. Reality is that most of us like things the way they are. This is a rather sad truth, but it has to be said:

There is no one to blame, this world looks the way it does cause – let´s face it! – WE SECRETLY LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE. THIS WORLD IS THE SUM OF WHO WE ARE JUST NOW. A sum of our fears, cowardice and lack of real expression. Nothing more or less.

People indulge in their sloth, love their failing, love conflicts, love their disease, suffering seems to be their main motivation. Whatever other things they say about Peace, Real Success, Togetherness, is but pure literature. Fiction. Childhood stories to appear interesting and make a nice impression and have something to talk about.

Really, despite my love to write and sharing, I am facing a hard decision…

To continue writing here, or not…

No standpoint – a koan for you

For the ones who don´t know:

koan is a special kind of Zen riddle.

Koans are not to be solved with the mundane, limited logical mind, they are meant to suspend the intellect, to put it in a state of vacuum, out of which the secret totality of life can emerge. A koan is indeed an opportunity to look deeply into one´s real nature, and “think” without thinking.

So let us consider this:

Your standpoint makes your perspective. My question to you is:



Julien – the Illusion Conqueror

Hi monsieur conqueror d’illusion,

How far have your efforts succeeded to become a child again?

Have You stopped reading?
Have You stopped playing the piano?
Have You stopped to listen to classical music?


Great questions.

My ego did whatever it could to choke The Beautiful Child in me. But this once so fragile and vulnerable child has won the victory. It has gone through thousands of deaths. Yet… It was so strong in its “fragility” so it showed to be absolutely and irresistibly unstoppable.

So now I can say:

I have stopped reading but still read sometimes. I find great pleasure in writing though 🙂 Uttering these words to you now, feels great.

I have stopped playing the piano, but now Piano is playing me. So wonderful…

When it comes to music, with very few exceptions, I can´t listen to it anymore. It is a total nuisance, especially classical music which bores me to death.
( Please don´t say that to all connoisseurs and music professors 😀 😛 )


I only listen to the fabulous music within me.

Yes, I have started to compose like a fury – from the most simple, innocent dainty and delicate sounds to absolute powerful, corybantic ecstasy.

You can imagine what it is in-between 🙂


1. I won’t tell anybody about your attitude towards classical music :-)
2. I share your opinion about that.
3. Writing here give me great pleasure, too. The bad thing is that it takes a lot of time. Time which I should use to earn money, somehow. But still, I can’t stop writing – although I can reduce a bit …… only a bit.
4. I feel kind of distorted when it comes to reading. On the one hand I’d like to skip all gaining of knowledge. On the other hand I find those wonderful and enlightening sentences of Eckhart Tolle. It’s obvious that if I hadn’t have read Tolle, Krishnamurti, Brahm it would have taken some more years or even decades until my finding out about all those circumstances and relationships between me and the universe.
How about you?

(To be continued) 🙂

Stop a moment

Let me tell you a big secret:

Take a moment and forget all the books and all writers. Forget Plato, Wittgenstein, Schopenhauer or Aristoteles, forget Jesus Christ, forget Buddha, forget all the false or real prophets –  Krishnamurti, Eckhart Tolle, forget culture, forget about Bach, Beethoven and company, Leonardo da Vinci, Sting or Guns N´Roses, or roses without guns 🙂

Forget about science and history, the known and the unknown. Forget about your failures or successes.

Take a break from name, from thought and definition, from life or death,TAKE A BREAK FROM ALL THERE IS. Forget you´ve even read these words.

Stay with this un-created moment for a while. Know…and un-know…Breath in this freedom. There is nothing to fear…

If you have the guts to do that, you will encounter the most precious
and incredible person:


The You that knows no past and no tomorrow.