The solution is inherent in the very problem you flee from

He wrote:
I should not run away from all the problems. I am too rough with myself many times it seems. I am overly critical and harsh with myself. I need to find out, how to learn to accept and love myself more. Writing this blog and listening wonderful suggestions from wonderful people like you definitely helps. May be I should think what else can I do about resolving this issue.

Once my girlfriend told me that “I think you like to be depressed; you don’t want to get rid of it”. Your observation reminded me of my girl-friend’s words to me. I don’t know whether it is true that I do not want to get rid of it. I believe that I do want to get rid of it. But the fact that my girlfriend, who is one of the person’s who know me very well, suggests that perhaps I am not sufficiently motivated to overcome my problem! That is scary.”

My comment:
“I need to find out, how to learn to accept and love myself more”, you say.

Please follow attentively!

The paradox here is that “HOW” basically means you are looking for a method, a way out of your inner conflict. “How” is actually postponing, an escape, a mere projection which reinforces your inner schism.

After all you say it yourself: “May be I should think what else can I do about resolving this issue.”

What you really say is: “May be I should think what else I can do in order to resist and flee myself even more…”

Cause fleeing yourself is the issue, can you see that? – That´s what makes you overly critical and harsh, the distance to yourself, the gap inside you – the conflict.

Stop seeing yourself and your depression as an “issue”. You don´t need to find out or learn anything as to how to “deal” with yourself.

If you are hungry, you eat.

In the same natural way, you stay with What Is – with yourself, the way you are now…

The Solution is inherent in the very problem!

You can take suggestions from others, yet ultimately it´s about you taking the step to unreservedly and lovingly accepting how You Are Now, and that will show you the healthy actions you need to undertake when the moment is ripe.

This is not semantics: It is a huge problem though with this word – acceptance. “I should accept myself and my problems”, you say. “Accepting” many times means creating even more resistance.

Real acceptance is about surrendering. Letting go with no thought…

Finally, wanting to “get rid of” or “overcome” a problem, that will enhance the problem. Fighting against something, brings back more evidence of that specific conflict into your life experience.

Impartially and lovingly staying with the problem as it is, will bring you understanding, and once you understand, the solution is there.

Running away from gloom and lonelyness enhances your loneliness

He says:
I am undergoing an intense feeling of loneliness. Well, I am not able to relate with people around me except a very few. I find most people boring and irritating, so I run away from everybody. I feel low and gloomy if I spend time in my room for a long time.

Yet in the effort to overcome the gloomy loneliness I search again the company of others,
just to find myself avoiding them nevertheless.

What causes my lack of interest in people?

What is the major problem here?

What is the solution?

My answer:

There is no solution to the problem of loneliness:

No matter if you are among people or by yourself in your chamber, you will feel lonely.

There is no “way out” as long as you are fighting yourself: the effort to overcome the gloomy loneliness will enhance your loneliness.

You just have to lovingly stay and confront this gloomy part of yourself. On your own.
Easier said than done…Still, if you dare do this, you might be free from depression for ever – that, of course, if this is what you wish. Fact of the matter is that many people were they given the chance to recover from an illness, they would be rather reluctant, as they have built their identity on the very disease they suffer from.

Anyway, no medication, no therapy will ever help you recover for real, but your readiness to go along in-depth with your problem. That is not to say it is an easy undertaking.

You just have to have the guts of facing that big turmoil and stop running…Be with it, as if you were with a child: no complaining, no justifying, no thwarting…Eventually there is nowhere to go…- it comes a time when your soul forces you to heed yourself.

This inner conflict of yours has nothing to do with “people”. It´s not “people” you dislike, but yourself, more exactly, that wounded level within yourself…that unloved part of you…
You see, if you were well, you wouldn´t bother so much if people are boring – which they often are – that because when you are connected to your real self, you have less a need to be with people. When you are well, you don´t have any urge to flee, in order to escape yourself, as you are at ease, and home in your own body… Again, then you wouldn´t really mind how others are or aren´t…
So, forget people, the lack of interest is for yourself, for the one you truly are…Stay with what is, even if it hurts. Learn to show yourself the interest your soul craves from you.


An insight

Self acceptance is not an aim.

Self acceptance is the byproduct of being fully alive.