There are almost no people with whom you can share silence…
2015/05/27 Leave a comment
Writing to myself
2013/06/07 1 Comment
Investigating absence and ultimate loneliness.
No one is there but you and the pain of an unspeakable vacuum. If you have the courage to dwell in that solitude without escaping, without trying to understand, with no expectation, resistance or hope, the door can open. Then can you encounter yourself as the one You are beyond thought, fear, or projection.
Nowhere to go, nothing to compare, nothing to know… – but this ineffable Now.
Free from sorrow, free from desire, free from worry and the heavy fetter of time.
That´s homecoming.
Be your own best friend, before someone else is
2013/05/20 1 Comment
She:
“I am very sensitive, it’s been the bane of my life. Although few would believe it. I’m very good at hiding that part of me with my boisterous personality. I don’t listen to the news or read newspapers because all I see around me is how inhuman people can be. I just can’t take it. It plays havoc with my mind. Every day is a struggle for me against the terrible thoughts that flash through my head. I don’t know anyone else who thinks this way. I’ve always assumed something is wrong with me.
It must be difficult to accept solitude. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it. You see I don’t want to be alone. I want someone to care. I want to be able to spill my inner thoughts and feelings to someone, and still be secure in their friendship. Do you understand?”
Me:
Accepting solitude is not easy. And yet, only in solitude can the mind empty itself
from all false relation, retrieving its freshness and pervasive clarity.
“I want someone to care”, you say. “I want to be able to spill my inner thoughts and feelings to someone, and still be secure in their friendship.”
You see, as long as we search for well-being through “another”, projecting our sense of security on the outside, sooner or later, we are bound to be let down.
At the end of the day, WHO IS THIS “SOMEONE” YOU LOOK FOR, BUT YOU…?
You have to be your best friend, before someone else is…
As I said earlier, you have to start befriending yourself, that is, finding gradually the longed-for security within, IN YOUR OWN FRIENDSHIP TO YOURSELF.
And once you do that, there might be a chance that you find someone who has undergone the same process of inner “ransacking”.
So the real question is why you keep hiding your sensitivity…The more we hide our emotions, the more we think, it´s a fact. The more suppressed emotions, the more flourishes the destructiveness of our Mind, can you see that?…
The inhuman-ness going on around you, mirrors your own hopeless struggle against your own emotions. The moment you begin accepting and embracing your positive and negative emotions, you will find relief…And feeling relief, you can see the world in a total new perspective…
Whatever you see around you, will simply affect you less, once you start feeling some
well-deserved alleviation.
Gently… – start looking at the relation between emotion and thought:
Troubled emotions, troubled thoughts.
I could tell you easily that YOUR REAL SELF, is neither troubled emotions nor these unsettling thoughts, but you probably wouldn´t believe me at this stage. My words cannot help. You simply have to face directly this experience.
For now!
Look closely at what you think with no resistance, preference or fear:
Can you naturally disidentify from those “terrible thoughts flashing through your mind”,
knowing that THEY ARE NOT YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT THEM…?
Can you say: “These thoughts are happening, but they are not me…?
These feelings are scary, but they are not WHO I AM…”
I know it´s easier said than done, but look at your thoughts as if they were some kind of random film, no longer ascribing them such vital importance.
To round off, it´s good for you to formulate your thoughts. Express them in whatever way
you find constructive and suitable. Find a way to express your sensitivity!
Above all, STOP HIDING YOU FROM YOURSELF!
A dialogue about loneliness and approving of one´s Real Self
2013/05/17 4 Comments
She:
I am very intimate with loneliness. It drains the life out of a person, destroys their self-esteem and confidence. At this point in my life, I feel close to no one. There is nobody I can be myself with. In fact I’m not really sure what “myself” is like anymore. I wear so many masks for so many different people, my true self has been lost in the layers.
You are right in thinking that a lot of times people are scared, but you know what I think?
It is not fear of what you are going through rather a fear of having to do something about it, being involved, that stops them from connecting. You know how I know that someone is not really interested in befriending me? Usually they repeat something to me as if it’s the first time they’ve told me. So I know for sure that they forgot our conversations since it was not important enough to them to remember. Does that make sense?
Me:
Of course it makes sense – I recognize so well what you say…
The thing is that most people usually lie about everything in their lives. Lying is about deluding oneself eventually… – constantly avoiding to directly experience reality.
Of course you cannot be yourself, because there is hardly anyone to see
for real who you are, to vividly accept and appreciate you FOR WHAT YOU ARE.
How could they ever acknowledge you, when they live in constant mendacity as to
Who They Are, never being themselves, ever fleeing themselves?…
You wear these masks because you feel instinctively you cannot behave freely with those persons around you, and as they don´t see you, you don´t trust them…You seem to be a sensitive soul, but it´s about time TO TRUST AND APPROVE OF YOURSELF. To become strong in your sensitivity.
I´ve realized lately how terribly lonely I was. I had to accept this fierce reality that I was really on my own. As nobody would heed me – my self-confidence and esteem being so low -, I finally understood that I have to start befriending myself: to throw away all masks, to embrace my solitude, to love and heed and approve of myself despite all pain, sorrows and shortcomings, to see and give myself WHAT I NEED.
It´s all about this ongoing process, the most important step:
To dare listen to the child within. To start again, to let illusion die, and allow
the Real You recreate and reconstellate you.
Finally, I think also that what stops people from connecting, is their own fear to look within, the fear of delving into their own inner process. They are afraid of and avoid their own suffering, which they otherwise so well hide…
The mystery of un-being.
2012/12/09 Leave a comment
Don´t try to be
Don´t try to not be
Just watch
You are this unbroken solitude
Solitude
2012/08/24 Leave a comment
I am pondering on Meister Eckart´s words:
You should live as if only you and God existed. His words are so true, aren´t they? Indeed, you interact, you relate, you meet others, but at the end of the day, at some point they all leave
and – let´s face it – there you are again, on your own, facing yourself.
The hardest lesson for each and every one of us is to learn to deal with this peremptory loneliness.
We can try to escape it – as most people do – but to no avail really; it will chase us whatever we do. Loneliness is like our shadow, we cannot escape it.
We have to learn to linger and confront solitude, cause real peace and contentment are to be found only in solitude with God – only in this contact we can find out who we really are.
Julien Matei
