The mirrorless Self

In my last post I wrote this :

“It is a hard task for me to put in words what THE SOUL WHISPERS  but my reason doesn´t fully understand.”

It means that there is some kind of inner authority within myself, whose voice I sometimes hear, and from which I learn.

As it were, I don´t hear it when I am restless, agitated or too keen to hear it.

What is this “too keen to hear, to have or be something?” As I can clearly see it, it means that if I want something badly, I will only get the reverse of my wish. The stronger the wish, the greater the distance between me and the “wished-for” reality, or experience.

 If I was to be asked what is the most important thing in life, I would answer undoubtedly: meaningful relations.

Yes, one of my greatest priorities in life is people, encounters, dialogue. To be in the company of open, intelligent, spiritually generous, unbiased persons, is a blessing.

I have to confess, that this is exactly the thing Life has refused me along the years. Such a painful paradox: the more I looked for contact and vivid connection with others, the more distance I created and the more lonely I became.

God, how I suffered because of this…Especially knowing that I have a lot to give, being always genuinely interested to understand “the other”, trying to create nearness and confidence.
I would instead attract all kind of callous, vain, vindictive cowards, who misused my interest and attention, taking without giving something back.

You could meet these persons once, to realize that next time you saw them, they would pretend they don´t know you.

So what was the lesson the Universe was so harshly teaching me?

Reaching the point of utter despair, I became aware of this hardly digestible truth:

FORGET THE OTHERS, DON´T SEARCH FOR PEOPLE, DON´T TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS, JUST LOOK INSIDE, AND ESTABLISH THE RIGHT CONTACT WITH YOUR SELF !

This raises a very essential and vital question:

HOW CAN YOU FIND YOURSELF WITHOUT A MIRROR? IS SELF A MIRROR OR IS IT MIRROR-LESS?

I wouldn´t dream of wasting time with unfruitful ruminating. It is clear that contact with Self, is contact with everything! It appears that only Self is Reality, both mirror and mirror-less.

I was forced to understand this hard lesson of turning to mySelf, to the most important authority within: the connection with this timeless inner Voice.

I still fall into the trap of looking outside for company, being the victim of my own sorrow that not more people are interested to communicate.

Yesterday I went to my usual cafe, feeling again that well-known state of despondency. I opened my blog, reading and learning from my last post and SUDDENLY, I was seized with peace and ease. I was again feeling alive and satisfied,
It was weird and confusing to observe how people around got curious and noticed my presence out of the blue, while I was totally uninterested of what was going on around me.

To conclude.

The only real authority to be trusted is contact with the Inner Voice. Contact with Self heals us from sadness, craving and false dependence. Hence, Desire is the best sign we are out of touch with this nameless Center within.

Desire – that is, too big the passion – without connection with Self  is unspeakable pain, wretchedness.

Our desires have a chance to come true only when we are in touch with the Center of our being. Contact with Self is the soothing caress of Happiness, and the connection with it heals and opens the right doors.

Happiness without craving is the only authority to be trusted.

What is ego?A new paradigm

Why do I keep writing here? God knows…

Does it make any difference? Maybe it does…may be it doesn´t. Who knows really…?

All these told or untold stories of mine – do they create some kind of echo? Do they inspire you? Do they mean something for you?

There are moments, when even uttering or writing a single word is excruciating pain.

THE INEXPRESSIBLE PAIN OF BEING DISCURSIVE, at the same time nurturing the wish to create some kind of intelligible sense…Where is to find a common denominator in these seemingly irreconcilable aspects?

Life doesn´t make sense. It doesn´t obey our logic. But in the midst of all this pervasive circus, there is a kind of secret “coherent” relation between things, between people, yes, between you and me.

Thinking in logical terms, what is the chance of you and me communicating? Almost none…And yet, despite our so different life-stories, there is something within us, some kind of secret, ineffable bond that is beyond logic, beyond – what we may call it – daily comprehension.

Life is a series of interruptions, that´s no question about that. Despite this baffling truth, we struggle to create order, purpose, continuity.

BUT OUR STRIVE FOR ORDER AND CONTINUITY REINFORCES OUR HYPOCRISY, as it based on fear.

It is a hard task for me to put in words what THE SOUL WHISPERS  but my reason doesn´t fully understand.

There is no such thing as “after”. After or before what?…Is there a point of reference really? And if there is, WHAT IS IT? Where is it to be found objectively…?
The surmise of a fix point of reference is the beginning of Suffering with all its derivatives: judgement, comparison, conditioning, neuroses.

This “point of reference” is called Ego. The ego perpetuates itself through memory, through “time”, through effort,  desire and frustration.

The paradox is that this very moment is neutral. This moment doesn´t have a memory, as every moment is a new breath. The Ego refuses vehemently to know this.

Now, no relation between different aspects can exist unless there is a point of reference. Ego is exactly this: an imaginary sum of different sequences of false relations. I repeat – ego is “false relation” as there is no such thing as a fix point in real life.

If the starting point is “nonexistent”, whatever you do is false. The attributes of the ego are Desire and Illusion. These are based on Fear, nay, they are fear. Fear is the vehicle through which Ego maintains itself, clinging to a non-existent reality which tries to be real.

Now, I am aware that for those of you who never approached things from this angle, what I say here may sound like Chinese.

But those ones who have come so far, are probably ready to have read this.

To summarize: all of you know that everybody is trying hardly to be someone, to dominate the other, to arrive, to find security, to struggle desperately for identity. Everybody is in war for his limits and possessions.

Our logic is built on these millennial delusions. Inside the illusion of struggling for Being, there is no place for Love, Joy, Beauty, Meaning, Friendship or Wisdom. In this way of living there is only place for reckless competition, suffering, war and destruction.

Almost all our creations bear the legacy of this huge existential misunderstanding.

It is probably ripe time for you and me to abandon this outdated paradigm, this” daily comprehension”, to understand the structure of our limited Logic and raison d’être, confronting these timeless illusions in order to take a new step toward that secret ineffable place beyond Fear, where Love dwells.

It is about time…