We don´t live our real lives

We are instead engulfed by autonomous ancestral complexes,
which heniously quash our souls.

To gain thus your unadulterated individuality takes no less
than a hero´s bravery.

Another Life, another Story…

A dear friend sent this so incredible letter to me. With her permission, I will share this with you.

“Out of nowhere, I feel a kind of secret ease, as if an unendurable burden is about to be removed from my chest. Not only from my chest, but from my whole body and soul.

This impervious darkness totally obscured my yearning…It took everything away from me: my sounds, my dreams, my colors…My true space…It really made me a stranger to myself.

It was not me inhabiting my life, I was lived by a nightmare.

Everything went adrift. Despite my talent and devotion to my work, it all relentlessly failed me. No doubt about that: Life conspired to kneel me…- whatever I undertook fell through.

As yet, Nothing has changed around me, but I begin to see, AND ABOVE ALL, I begin to hear everything…In a new light…In a new shade.

Did I tell you that I hear colours and see tones…?

I can´t figure it out how on earth it has been possible to be totally bereft of myself for so many years. To live with such gruesome pain…in such complete agony and loneliness…I died thousands of deaths…God knows how I made it through, as there was no one there to help…they were all afraid.

First now, I can start to breath…to timidly and furtively look around me…I at last come out of this hell to some kind of rest…Yes…a soothing and reassuring rest, which is
real – something which feels true…immediate…loving.”

Godless Science and Organized Religion have crushed man´s soul

I am, what may be considered, a mystic.

If you are not acquainted with what mysticism is about, a mystic is essentially a person who has a direct understanding beyond the normally man-invented religions. Mysticism is the conscious awareness of the ultimate reality, divinity, or God, through direct experience, intuition, instinct or insight.

I was raised in the Christian Orthodox faith. But I don´t take this or any other creed for granted. I question every religious allegiance.

I definitely don´t ascribe any meaning to any dogma – the exoteric sense of every religion
is to me totally futile.

Now…I have pondered deeply over all these years.

I believe in Christ but not in Christianity. Intuitively I would totally discard this faith if it wasn´t for certain mystics like Meister Eckhart, Teresa of Avila or John of the Cross.

I am rather intimate with their writings and have found
meaningful answers in their words.

But throughout all these years, in the worst moments of crisis, none of them have been
of any real avail.
I had to face darkness on my own. The Christian precepts couldn´t save me. Only Zen, and above all Krishnamurti, have been my trustworthy companions in this dark night of the soul which – imagine – has been going on since I was 21.

First now, at 50, I am slowly coming out of it.

However, when I think of the Cathedral in Chartres, or, for that matter, other magnificent achievements in art or music in Europe ever since, I cannot possibly dismiss the very fact that the great spiritual legacy of Europe has directly derived from the Christian faith.

Undeniably, Europe and its culture is directly connected with Christianity.

Yet Christianity – I mean the very breath of it – is dead. Had it been alive, I wouldn´t have encountered this harsh darkness in my soul all these years.

Despite living in the “modern world”, never renouncing it, I somehow lived like a recluse, and God knows how I made it through. As I said, there was no one there to guide me.

Now, Faith is nothing you word about. It is a vivid breath, an ineffable emanation of sorts.
A presence…

And here I come to what I want to point out:

I saw this documentary about a Russian woman living by herself in the wilderness of Siberia. It is overwhelming: her simplicity, her strength and endurance, her otherworldly smile, depth and wisdom…Really, it was staggering, I have never somehow seen this kind of Light anywhere…except maybe in certain paintings of the grand masters.

To quote her: “The godless science which has crushed man´s soul“…

She is a vivid evidence that Christianity, beyond its dogmatic flaws, is not
some kind of superstitious concoct, but something very “real”.

And it is here that I come to bluntly disagree with Krishnamurti who claims that man has invented churches, rituals and gods, as being nonsense.

The deep essence of Christianity is indeed no figment of some deluded minds, even if,
more often than not, it appears to be that way.

The most difficult task is to dig so deep back to the sources, into its primordial “breath” without turning into a hermit.
Living in the world, but not being of this world… – inhumanly precarious predicament.

 

For the ones interested to watch the documentary:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt2AYafET68

I have no fears, I have no hopes, I am free

She:
I have a friend who is going through a dark night, a period of seeming little help and no comfort. She has been much on my mind because I have been in that place. I think we can live well enough through periods of lovelessness and joylessness, but hope is vital; we experience it as a kind of peace. We keep on putting one foot in front of the other if we can feel that the road is true and the journey is right, even if we can’t quite perceive the light.

Me:
There was this Greek writer – Kazantzakis – who said this:

I have no fears, I have no hopes, I am a free man.

What does he mean? Let´s examine closely:

You state that Hope is vital. Is it really so…? I have no time or wish of indulging in inane sophistry here.

You see, hope means choice. And what is choice eventually?… Escape to – or from – something.
Can you see that Hope is another subtle derivative of Fear…?

I repeat, Hope is a facet of Fear, it is Ego basically, yes, it is ego calling itself “hope”.
It sounds probably far-fetched but we can try to look at this impartially:

What if, the best way to deal with darkness was to totally give in to utter hopelessness?

Indeed, to have no hope left, to have no choice other than fully and completely confront
Darkness and Pain – ego -, knowing that there is no way to escape other than facing its worst nightmare…

To stay with “What is” in total Attention, with no hope, with no choice
other than what´s being at hand, is to directly confront Fear!

And to face hopelessness with “hopelessness” is the end of duality and separation.

The moment we let go of duality in utter choicelessness, is the end of ego.

This is inhumanly difficult, I am very much aware of this. But if your friend has the guts
to expose herself to this insight, liberation can be her share.

Another letter to my unknown friend

I will say it again:

Acceptance.

It is essential to stay with what is, the way it is. You can´t expect someone with high fever to deliver any intelligent answers or responses. Just stay…and listen inwardly…

In the midst of hardships, when you no longer have expectations, embracing what is, at some point you may hear that little sweet voice of the soul whispering “All is well”. Trust that!!
Healing happens inconspicuously when you let it happen almost with no interference from your side. You cannot find the right solution from your present perception.

Trusting the process, one day, without you realizing how it happened, you will see the whole situation from another perspective.

You see, I can understand that you are easily dismissive.
When it comes to inner healing, there are no standard methods to follow. Healing is each and everyone´s secret at the end of the day.
But help may come, usually from least expected persons or places. Ask your soul to recognize and acknowledge that help. Real help must feel like the clear water you receive when you are thirsty.

I wouldn´t dream of offering you “opinions” – to have an opinion is ultimately to judge. I feel no urge anymore to judge myself or – for that matter – anyone coming my way.

If you are not used to this kind of approach what I say now may seem rather strange: Just remember – the Separated Ego is and remains contradictory. This ego loves status quo, it never wants to change; by definition it loves turmoil, conflict, disease and suffering.

The voice of the soul has the power of “outwitting” this shallow entity called ego. When you stay with what is, in that silence, the soul can do its work, undisturbed by your will. It is an enduring process – have patience, a big journey starts with small steps.

Between the lines I hear your great potential – you are a gifted person. Going along with this process, learning to recognize your inner voice, may show you in due time, that you may have unimagined talents.