Dire analogies

Long story short:

My father managed to fuck up and steal my Now, inflicting nothing but fear, frustration and guilt on me. His fierce and unblessed conduct has affected me for life: Wasted years of shattering loneliness, huge pain, confusion. Unbeknownst he turned me into the depositary of his vengeance and aggressive madness.

Years after.

I met recently a hellishly charming woman who managed to make me believe and trust her. Such endearing communication we seemed to be engaged in. But alas, behind her winsome innocence, elegance and beauty, hided a vindictive monster. I made the mistake of letting my guard down, and the pandemonium started.

The whole game that followed was about manipulation of emotions, everything to take me away from and kill my NOW-Presence!!! This power-horny slut, hated whatever vivid and spontaneous expression – eventually, she seems to be at war with Life and Living. Of course she would never ever admit this. She would deceive you with incredible skillful delusions. Such a con artist, helping me in subtle or violent ways to disengage from and live in bitter oblivion from Self. To forget WHO YOU ARE, so you become her prey.

The blatant likeness between her and the wounds imposed on me by my father in my early childhood is mind-blowing. Staggeringly paradoxical. Why Life is such a complicated psychological conundrum totally surpasses my grasping…

But here I am…Coming out, untangling myself from and sorting out an age-old nightmarish riddle…Speaking about things no one dares to acknowledge or take up….

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Myths fall back on invisibility

knightofswords says:
The invisible things we deeply sense and believe about ourselves but cannot necessarily prove in the harsh light of day–when looked at all at once may provide clues about our calling. Behind everything we do, there is not only a series of stories, but a profound, personal myth.

Me:

The ongoing invisible “drama” is responsible for every event “outside” ourselves.
Sometimes these invisible realms make themselves known in most “outlandish” ways, beyond any rhyme or reason.

Similarly weird becomes life in this “palpable” world. Out of the blue, the immediate “concrete” reality of cause and effect is overthrown,
being instantly transformed into some kind of bewildering play of sorts. 

When this happens, I can discern a clear and relentless underlying pattern, determining a chain of  baffling and mad occurrences, which totally surpass my grasping ability…I have mostly no clue as to how to decipher these unwonted “events”, not being able to “interprete” them, let alone trying to give a reasonable account of my pursuit to anyone. Most people would consider me totally nuts. So what do you do?…You keep your mouth shut.

And yet…these whispers are “true”…in fact truer than anything else. But then you wonder:
Why on earth are they talking to me in this uncanny language that I have
no inkling to…?
WHY DO YOU MAKE IT SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT, I am tempted to ask
the invisible powers?

Really, such loneliness and misunderstanding you are consigned to, being a vessel for these realities. It sounds far-fetched, but sometimes I even suspect that it can be something “wrong” with the myth. That there is some kind of “mythical” sickness. AND UNLESS YOU MANAGE TO HEAL THE MYTH, life in this dimension will keep being “the story told by a fool”.

The problem is that it is not me having these stories, it is the mythical
story which has me.
“Your calling is always calling you to the things you need”, you say. My so-called calling, feels like an impossible conundrum though. Magically substantial, but totally unsubstantial as to what to do practically in order to implement it.

I round off asking you:
Can the actual myth or myths be diseased? And if they are, can we consequently
“heal” them?…