No matter how real it may seem, you are not your life story

Despite being a grown-up woman, Adina has unresolved issues with her father.

No wonder. The old man has throughout his life been a veritable pain in the neck:
self-absorbed, unbearably narcissistic, recklessly manipulative,
really, a pretentious, neurotic bastard. A maniac.

Everybody owns him. He is the most important person en earth. No one else counts, but his petty drama. Nobody puts up with him. Despite being 86 he is more infatuated than a furious youngster.

Whatever the daughter tries, no matter how nice and compliant she is with him,
he is never pleased.
This unsettling relation with her father, made her life an emotional mess. Up to the point that she has health problems. Similar symptoms like her mother, who eventually passed away some few years ago, as this rascal made the poor woman´s life a living hell.

On one hand Adina bitterly hates him, on the other, she feels guilty about him.
“Damn it”, she burst roguishly as we spoke in the phone “I could shoot this old bastard,
at the same time I feel sorry for him, in a sort of twisted way.”

I told her:

“You have to heed your own sorrow here. Stop internalizing his drama in you.
Just take him off your shoulders!
He will never change, but you can.
No matter how real the conflict is within you, your life story is not you.
Who You Really Are, is not part of the drama inflicted on you by your father!.

Next time you meet him, watch yourself while interacting with him, as if it was a film.
No matter how uneasy it may be, watch your emotions as if they were not you – be a secret and neutral witness to whatever is happening in the moment.

Take a step back and watch.

The moment you stop identifying with these overwhelming feelings,
you will gain a new and healthy perspective.
This new perspective is the real space within you. It is the healing space of
your awareness.
Even a short glimpse of this unutterable inner place, is enough so the shift
within can initiate.
Trust this glimpse! This immediate “thrill” is the key to your healing. Let
this process unfold!


Remember that this whole range of negative feelings is eventually not more than
random fiction, take my word for this, a story maintained and perpetuated
by your ego!